Child abandonment and maintenance arrears

Karmacot

Im desperately seeking advice on how to best seek child maintenance arrears of €12480 accumulated over the course of 4 years non payment. During Christmas of 2012 when our son was 10 years old his father called at his scheduled time and instead of taking him for his visit he told him that he didnt feel like they had bonded and he wouldnt be bothering to come see him anymore. This was completely out of the blue after having spent 10 years in his life. He used those exact words turned around got into his car and left. My son was distraught. He has never recovered and went from being a happy outgoing child to one thats completely withdrawn and severely depressed. The maintenance payments stopped immediately. He refused all calls from both myself and our son and changed address that exact same weekend never giving a forwarding address. It was all very calculated and obviously something he had planned in advance. As a result I have never been able to pursue the maintenance issue. Recently I found out where he is working and feel that this should be enough information to finally begin the process. In the last 4 years myself and my children have lost our home and due to other issues have been forced to live in extreme poverty. €47 per week after paying a mortgage which I could not escape from. We have only survived and I mean that literally thanks to the kindness of Saint Vincent de Paul. Im not an angry or bitter person but I feel wholly entitled to that money the majority of which is owed in loans to my parents which are fully documented. Ive contacted the district court clerk multiple times over the years and despite there being a court order they have refused to pursue him as the payment was not being made through their office. To cut a long story short I have tried everything possible and have been told that in those circumstances the court has leave to enforce repayment of the full amount. Im just very confused about the whole process and Im not finding any real information out there to help.

lifeandtimes

Best option is a solicitor

However as is common knowledge if there is a court order in place and once 2 breachs of this happens you need to go to the district court to lodge this. They will give you a court date and issue him a summons with the same info. It doesn't matter If he has moved,they will forward it to the address on file you just need to confirm that's the last known address you have for him (you won't be the first person in this situation), If he does not show up,they judge may issue a ruling or adjournment for another summons, however you should make the judge aware of the circumstances and they will (all going well) issue a warrent for him to be arressted and brought before the court.

I am however a little confused you haven't engaged legal advice,even free legal advice regarding this over 4 years?

The likelihood is you will not receive the arrears in one lump some but spaced out over time

Good luck op and contact free legal aid for actual legal advice

myshirt

Where are you getting the figure from?

A recent case I came across had the father pay only 3600 for 3 kids for 6 years, which I thought was appalling for a working man, and I am familiar with the facts. Nevertheless, be cautious on the figures and get advice as it applies to your own situation. Given your parents gave you money, 12k could be a lot.

Karmacot

The figure is based on the €60 per week he was court ordered to pay and has not. I have all of my bank statements to prove same. Also the money received was not given it was loaned, with a clear stipulation that it be payed back in full. Hope that makes things clearer. As far a aquiring a solicitor to deal with the issue before now I was already in receipt of help from legal aid with regards to two other cases. One a case where I was a victim of a violent assault and the other part of an 11 year fight to resolve issues relating to a mortgage which I was being forced to pay alone although not solely responsible for. Again, as I said I was told more than once that I would need an address for this man for a summons to be issued. Obviously I was misinformed but I could only work with the information I was given. I have been turned away from the district court office multiple times by the court clerk.

Fred Swanson

This post has been deleted.

Karmacot

Fred Swanson wrote: »

The courts are wise to such arrangements and I am sure his solicitor will be all over that like a rash.

There is no way you will prise 4 years arrears out of him.

Youre view is extremely jaded and borderline offensive. I am not being dishonest in any way and I resent the innuendo. Neither am I attempting to "prise" money out of anyone I am simply attempting to retrieve money that has been illegally witheld. The only victim in this situation is our child and he has suffered immensely. This country is being crippled financially by deadbeat parents and courts who refuse to enforce their own laws. I asked for help not judgement. Please do not clog up my thread.

ED E

Fred isnt having a go at you, he's correct. Don't expect to get the 12K back.

boardsuser1

I can offer some advice here on this from personal experience.

DO NOT BASH ME FOR IT AS A RESULT

I stopped paying maintenance for my eldest child when she was 1 year old, i was pursued after 4 years by the mother through the court for a sum of roughly 8500 euro.

Long story short, it came before the court, i submitted a statement of means along with my variation of maintenance application.

I had the maintenance literally halved from the previous amount and was ordered to repay a total of 1000 euro by paying 5 euro per week extra until cleared.

Yes i saved myself a small fortune but i am not proud of it.

My life was very different back then and things have changed.

I do pay maintenance to this day, some might say not enough, but it was a judge who determined the amount.

Again i must stress DO NOT BASH ME FOR IT

Karmacot

ED E wrote: »

Fred isnt having a go at you, he's correct. Don't expect to get the 12K back.

Although the information given may be correct in part the insinuation that I am lying about owing money to my parents is offensive. Also the term prising would suggest that I am a scrounge out for what I can get. It also paints my sons other "parent" as some kind of victim which he is not.

boardsuser1

Karmacot wrote: »

Although the information given may be correct in part the insinuation that I am lying about owing money to my parents is offensive. Also the term prising would suggest that I am a scrounge out for what I can get and paints the other parent as some kind of victim which he is not.

He might not be a victim here but nor are you!

The CHILD IS THE VICTIM

neonsofa

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

He might not be a victim here but nor are you!

The CHILD IS THE VICTIM

She may not be a "victim" but when one parent doesn't pay maintenance, the other one is generally the person who picks up the slack financially, so she has been negatively affected by his non payment. It is not a case of the child goes without because the absent parent didn't pay, the other parent goes without to pick up the slack. Generally speaking obviously.

Karmacot

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

He might not be a victim here but nor are you!

The CHILD IS THE VICTIM

You have just reiterated what I have stated multiple times. If your sole purpose is to attack me for no reason then please remove yourself. I will not be subjected to your bullying tactics. I have thanked you for your response and you are responding aggressively to me for defending myself against another posters underhand comments. I would suggest that this aggression has more to do with you than anything I have said. Please take your issues elsewhere

Fred Swanson

This post has been deleted.

boardsuser1

neonsofa wrote: »

She may not be a "victim" but when one parent doesn't pay maintenance, the other one is generally the person who picks up the slack financially, so she has been negatively affected by his non payment. It is not a case of the child goes without because the absent parent didn't pay, the other parent goes without to pick up the slack. Generally speaking obviously.

I agree with you.

See my above post on that matter.

boardsuser1

Karmacot wrote: »

You have just reiterated what I have stated multiple times. If your sole purpose is to attack me for no reason then please remove yourself. I will not be subjected to your bullying tactics. I have thanked you for your response and you are responding aggressively to me for defending myself against another posters underhand comments. I would suggest that this aggression has more to do with you than anything I have said. Please take your issues elsewhere

I'm not being aggressive, dear god if i was aggressive i'd have been site banned years ago.

Fred Swanson wrote: »

I think you need to develop a thicker skin if you intend to ask strangers for advice on an internet forum. You seem to be easily offended.

Fred is spot on here in what he's saying.

Karmacot

Fred Swanson wrote: »

I think you need to develop a thicker skin if you intend to ask strangers for advice on an internet forum. You seem to be easily offended.

I have a thick skin trust me I am also used having to defend myself from bullies hence the reason I will not be belittled by strangers. There is a difference between offering advise and being unnessasarily malicious

littelady

Karmakot I dont know the the courts will act upon with the dead beat dad but I just want to wish you luck. I have children and a hubby so I havent a clue.But that "Man" who fathered your kids is a disgrace i would be at any turn in his life telling his boss, partner whomever he deals with what a vulgar person he is. "Truck driver from cork" who God love him doestnt want to be bashed is on another thread delighted his wife is pregnant you appear to be excited how could you do that to your first born, really dont know how you could sleep at night never mind look in the mirror.

boardsuser1

littelady wrote: »

Karmakot I dont know the the courts will act upon with the dead beat dad but I just want to wish you luck. I have children and a hubby so I havent a clue.But that "Man" who fathered your kids is a disgrace i would be at any turn in his life telling his boss, partner whomever he deals with what a vulgar person he is. "Truck driver from cork" who God love him doestnt want to be bashed is on another thread delighted his wife is pregnant you appear to be excited how could you do that to your first born, really dont know how you could sleep at night never mind look in the mirror.

You're on the money there

Thanks for checking me out

As i said in my post, times have changed and i ain't proud of what i did.

I have 4 children and pay for them all.

bmwguy

You won't get that full amount in my experience. I have a few friends separated or divorced from mother of their children and the judges are fair to them in what they have to pay despite some ludicrous demands from their former partners. And 2 posters above tried to help you and you got all defensive. Get a solicitor on the case or free legal advice centre.

boardsuser1

bmwguy wrote: »

You won't get that full amount in my experience. I have a few friends separated or divorced from mother of their children and the judges are fair to them in what they have to pay despite some ludicrous demands from their former partners. And 2 posters above tried to help you and you got all defensive. Get a solicitor on the case or free legal advice centre.

Yeah, i found the judges to be very fair.

Demands are one thing but reality is another.

In saying that, i wish the OP and her child/children nothing but the best of luck into the future.

littelady

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

You're on the money there

Thanks for checking me out

As i said in my post, times have changed and i ain't proud of what i did.

I have 4 children and pay for them all.

@ Cork truck driver. I read your thread a couple of days ago and thought it was lovely you appread to be so nice so happy it was refreshing tbh i was really taken back how you treated your first born. I cant understand how a man or woman can treat there own child so badly fair enough u may not like the kids mum but to turn your back on your child is a terrible act im glad you now stepped up and manned up i just dont know how a man or woman can be so selfish.

Mrs OBumble

Karmacot wrote: »

Although the information given may be correct in part the insinuation that I am lying about owing money to my parents is offensive.

When the court asks you for proof of it being a loan, I'd suggest that you don't react as though the question is offensive.

If it really was a loan, then you will have legal documentation readily at hand to show them. If you don't have this, I'm willing to take a guess what they will conclude.

boardsuser1

littelady wrote: »

@ Cork truck driver. I read your thread a couple of days ago and thought it was lovely you appread to be so nice so happy it was refreshing tbh i was really taken back how you treated your first born. I cant understand how a man or woman can treat there own child so badly fair enough u may not like the kids mum but to turn your back on your child is a terrible act im glad you now stepped up and manned up i just dont know how a man or woman can be so selfish.

If i had my time all over again with my first born i'd do everything very differently.

I was childish then, a spoiled brat for want of a better description.

I'm absolutely over the moon that my wife is expecting again.

You'll have seen from the thread the early part of this year was far from kind to us.

I'd advise any man against taking his issues with the mother out on the child by way of stopping maintenance.

My own act was despicable to say the least.

Fast forward to the present day and i have a relationship with my eldest child, it's not ideal in terms of me having spenT the formative years apart from her, but now i have all 4 of my children together and many more happy times ahead

littelady

Karmacot wrote: »

You have just reiterated what I have stated multiple times. If your sole purpose is to attack me for no reason then please remove yourself. I will not be subjected to your bullying tactics. I have thanked you for your response and you are responding aggressively to me for defending myself against another posters underhand comments. I would suggest that this aggression has more to do with you than anything I have said. Please take your issues elsewhere

The child is the victim and so is the mother she has to pick up the pieces both financially and emotionally sacrifice everything. She has been treated appallingly

hullaballoo

Moderator: closed pending review.