6yo gone very disobedient

harr

Hi
Hope someone might help, our 6 year boy has gotten cheeky and bold over the last couple of months. We live in a small estate where he plays with a group of children some older some younger...some of the children are out from 9am till near 11 most nights , even kids as young 4 and 5, I not am sure if some of the children are a bad influence on him or not but he seems to be easily lead just to fit in with group.
He is a smart lad does well at school and in general is a good kid and is very kind and considerate but it seems when he goes out to play all rules go out the window..
The last thing we want is to stop him playing outside or with the other children. To be honest some of the families let the kids run riot..
One instance is a stream behind the houses which is filthy and full of rats it's just full of stagnant water....the group of children love running through it or jumping over it ..it's out of hearing distance and eye shot and we don't want him in it or near it...
We have grounded him and taken away certain privileges but that only seems to work for a few days..
Doesn't help when one of the older children (10) seems to control the group of children and it's her who decides what children is allowed to play together on certain days ,this leaves my son very upset when he is excluded.
Sorry about long post...

MountainAshIRL

If there is a steam and stagnant water that children can access then I would be making sure that some kind of fencing was put up to keep them safe! I think it's more of an adults responsibility to remove dangers like that rather than punish the child for being near it.

harr

MountainAshIRL wrote: »

If there is a steam and stagnant water that children can access then I would be making sure that some kind of fencing was put up to keep them safe! I think it's more of an adults responsibility to remove dangers like that rather than punish the child for being near it.

It should be enough me telling him and listening to me ...the stream has been fenced off a number of times but older teenagers keep making a new way in.
I know he is just following the crowd...the stream isn't deep just dirty and it does dry up at times...

JennyZ

As he's only 6 I'd assume the play time outside would be pretty limited, maybe get him involved more in other activities outside of the estate also.

harr

JennyZ wrote: »

As he's only 6 I'd assume the play time outside would be pretty limited, maybe get him involved more in other activities outside of the estate also.

That's the thing he has loads of other interests, football, swimming, beavers and music...once he sees the other kids outside he wants to be out and he loves being out on his bike he hates sitting in and gets bored watching TV he would look at his books before Tv
It's a small safe estate with no major traffic so its safe for him to be out apart from the stream the kids seem drawn to...it's the sudden disobedience that's getting to me..it's like he forgets he's not ment to...

Anne_cordelia

Try to remember he's only 6. He has no impulse control. It's up to you to make sure he's safe. A 6 year old cannot make the decision for himself that the stream is dangerous because he's following the older crowd. I would say it's perfectly normal behaviour and he's just testing the boundaries. Makes life a little more inconvenient for you but that's parenting.

December2012

harr wrote: »

It should be enough me telling him and listening to me ...

Look that's never going to be the case. The child is 6. They can't rationalise danger and consider risk for something that looks fun, safe and other kids do. Don't put that on the child!

You control it. If you see that happening remove your child from the situation.

Do that each time it happens.

harr

December2012 wrote: »

Look that's never going to be the case. The child is 6. They can't rationalise danger and consider risk for something that looks fun, safe and other kids do. Don't put that on the child!

You control it. If you see that happening remove your child from the situation.

Do that each time it happens.

I have done that and after the first time I explained why he wasn't to do it ...I do make sure I can see him at all times so the first time he was out of site a couple of minutes before I realised where he had gone..the couple of times after that I was watching where he was headed so he got taken inside...
I am not expecting him to realise the dangers that's my job but I am expecting him to do what he is told...
So the situation is now all the other children playing away from the houses or Green and my lad getting the hump with me because he has no one to play with...
At 6 he is way to young to be let roam free but with many of the other parents it seems to be out of site out mind and other parents have said to me " oh you need to give them a little bit of freedom " well not at 6 .

Colser

harr wrote: »

I have done that and after the first time I explained why he wasn't to do it ...I do make sure I can see him at all times so the first time he was out of site a couple of minutes before I realised where he had gone..the couple of times after that I was watching where he was headed so he got taken inside...
I am not expecting him to realise the dangers that's my job but I am expecting him to do what he is told...
So the situation is now all the other children playing away from the houses or Green and my lad getting the hump with because he has no one to play with...

I'd cut him a little slack as I feel he's bound to want to follow the gang rather than stay on his own ,even an older child would find that a difficult choice tbh.

The main issue is the danger aspect imo.Maybe try and put it to him that it upsets/worries you when he does rather than telling him he's not allowed even though all the others are,he's still very young and sounds like a good little fella tbh.

Living in an estate is difficult when you have kids OP so I know where you're coming from as you want them to stay safe yet don't want to alienate them from the gang..I'd say persevere gently with him and explain your worries about water safety ect.and hopefully he'll come in home rather than follow the others.

MountainAshIRL

We have a drain/stream running along the side of the estate. All residents here got the management company to erect a tall, sturdy wooden fence to make it safe. All the kids play outside a lot and there is large trees by the stream so it was dangerous to have no fence. A panel blew down in storms over the winter and the families with children clubbed together and paid for it to be fixed. When you can remove the danger it's always better and even if it's shallow water it's still dangerous. Maybe you could contact the management company or council whoever owns the estate and express your concern over the danger to kids and see if you can get good fencing around it

Paddy Cow

harr wrote: »

One instance is a stream behind the houses which is filthy and full of rats it's just full of stagnant water....
We have grounded him and taken away certain privileges but that only seems to work for a few days..

harr wrote: »

It should be enough me telling him and listening to me ...the stream has been fenced off a number of times but older teenagers keep making a new way in.

harr wrote: »

...it's the sudden disobedience that's getting to me..it's like he forgets he's not ment to...

harr wrote: »

I have done that and after the first time I explained why he wasn't to do it ...
I am not expecting him to realise the dangers that's my job but I am expecting him to do what he is told...

When I was a kid there was a junk yard across the road from us. This was the 80's so there was no health and safety. There were cars/trucks just dumped by the local garage owner onto a piece of land. For me and my best friend it was the coolest place to be. It was full of adventure and excitement. I was warned many times by my mother not to go there and she would explain that if I was playing in one of the cars, the boot could close, I could get hurt etc but none of it had any effect. I was there every chance I could. I got caught many times and even the pain of the wooden spoon didn't stop me from going back.

One time when I was about 7, me and my friend were playing in what was to us Disney Land when I landed on a rusty nail. My friend had to drag me, crying my eyes out, home to my mother. Even a trip to the GP for a tetanus shot and lectures from my mother about how she had been right didn't stop me. Me and my friend still went back but this time we thought we were being clever and didn't jump anywhere without looking for nails first.

You can explain to your 6yr until you're blue in the face that something isn't safe but all he can see is that this is a really fun thing to do and you're just an adult and a killjoy. He sees him and his friends doing this all the time and nothing bad has ever happened.

The bit I've bolded is the important part. It's up to the adults to corden off anything dangerous. It was only after I was in my teens and health and safety started taking hold that the garage owner was forced to fence off his junk yard. You have to find a way to make sure this unsafe water is made inaccessible to the children. At 6 your son is exploring his independence and is making decisions on his own. He's not going to make the right ones, especially if all his friends and the cooler, older kids are doing it.

Take pictures of it and go to the council if you have to. If the other parents don't care that their children are playing there, then all you can do is lock your son in is room.