Living alone...

Sunny Disposition

Census found more people are living on their own as I do myself.
Can't say I find it hard, fairly busy social life, family nearby, in a new relationship for last few months , so basically I'm grand with it. But a neighbour of mine also lives alone and does nothing with himself. Has a job but every evening his car is at the house and almost never has visitors, same at the weekends, no friends or family. Guy is only in his 30s and is a pretty pleasant guy whenever I meet him.
Have no doubt people can be happy living alone, because I am, but can a guy really be happy living alone without any social/romantic life at all?

Agent Coulson

Yes.

Surreptitious

You know nothing about him. Just because his car is there doesn't mean he hasn't gone out somewhere. Spend more time thinking about yourself and less time worrying about him.

johnnyskeleton

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

Have no doubt people can be happy living alone, because I am, but can a guy really be happy living alone without any social/romantic life at all?

I've always believed that it is better to be alone than to be stuck in an unhappy relationship.

John_Rambo

Agent Coulson wrote: »

Yes.

Really? Zero social life? No romantic endeavor whatsoever?

I lived alone for a long time, but I had a very active social scene going on. Lots of romantic stuff too. As much as I loved the "lone wolf" idea of living alone I yearned human company. We're social primates. I had interaction with my neighbours, community and I had to have female company every now and then. For sex sometimes, for companionship more times. During those times I had a hectic social life between friends, sports, girls and various activities I got myself involved in.

I really loved the hours /days alone though. But zero social life and zero romanticism or funtimes full stop would have been unnatural to me.

ahnowbrowncow

I'd say you could be content and even fairly happy. But it has been proven that it is positive relationships, more so than anything else, that make people happiest, so you definitely would be missing out.

eviltwin

Just because he lives alone doesn't mean he doesn't have an active social or sex life. Some people just need their own space. I wouldn't be concerned with the lack of visitors either, I don't have people over to my house that often, its easier for me to meet friends and family elsewhere.

Pawwed Rig

eviltwin wrote: »

Just because he lives alone doesn't mean he doesn't have an active social or sex life.

Doesn't mean he does either. It was given by the OP as an example. Plenty of people live alone and are quite happy. Equally there are plently living alone whose life never quite worked out the way they wanted it to who would prefer a larger social group but for 1 reason or another don't have it. I see it a bit amongst my generation, particularly the guys who bought boom time houses in the 'commuter towns' where they have no social base.

uck51js9zml2yt

Invite him over for a coffee

Blacktie.

Ye people are different go figure.

Sunny Disposition

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Doesn't mean he does either. It was given by the OP as an example. Plenty of people live alone and are quite happy. Equally there are plently living alone who never quite worked out the way they wanted it to who would prefer a larger social group but for 1 reason or another don't have it. I see it a bit amongst my generation, particularly the guys who bought boom time houses in the 'commuter towns' where they have no social base.

Yeah, this is a big commuter area and the example is someone not from the area alright who prob would be in negative equity. Not saying he is doing anything wrong at all and maybe is content, just wondering if people can be content living a life that is quite solitary apart from work.
Lived in places where I knew no one in my mid to late twenties but even then it was a lifestyle I felt was unsatisfying. Wonder if you eventually just get used to it and accept it and maybe start to enjoy it.

mzungu

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

Census found more people are living on their own as I do myself.
Can't say I find it hard, fairly busy social life, family nearby, in a new relationship for last few months , so basically I'm grand with it. But a neighbour of mine also lives alone and does nothing with himself. Has a job but every evening his car is at the house and almost never has visitors, same at the weekends, no friends or family. Guy is only in his 30s and is a pretty pleasant guy whenever I meet him.
Have no doubt people can be happy living alone, because I am, but can a guy really be happy living alone without any social/romantic life at all?

Yes, plenty are doing it.

mzungu

John_Rambo wrote: »

Really? Zero social life? No romantic endeavor whatsoever?

I lived alone for a long time, but I had a very active social scene going on. Lots of romantic stuff too. As much as I loved the "lone wolf" idea of living alone I yearned human company. We're social primates. I had interaction with my neighbours, community and I had to have female company every now and then. For sex sometimes, for companionship more times. During those times I had a hectic social life between friends, sports, girls and various activities I got myself involved in.

I really loved the hours /days alone though. But zero social life and zero romanticism or funtimes full stop would have been unnatural to me.

You might have yearned for company, but that does not mean that others do. Different strokes and all that.

I lived alone for 8 years and sounded similar to the guy you mention here. I enjoyed my "me" time during the week after work and then went out for the day on weekends. It did get lonely, believe me, but I didn't have the confidence or mental state to do anything about it.

I met my now girlfriend last year and it was great because she could stay over whenever she wanted. But in July last year I was served notice because the building was being repossessed. Couldn't afford another place of my own so I'm back in a house share and I hate it. I end up stuck in my room most of the time.

LegacyUser

The guy in the OP sounds like me, except I'm female and a bit older. I tend to go out for breakfast at weekends, because if I didn't I would have no real reason to leave my home at all. I'm long-term single and have drifted away from all my friends. I don't have any interests or hobbies, I don't know anybody in my town, and I am basically alone 100% of the time outside work except for visits to my parents.

Sometimes things just don't work out the way you plan them. It's like you can't seem to change any of the cards in the hand life dealt you. That guy may be lonely AF, or he may be just fine with his life. The only way you'll find out is if you get to know him.

HalloweenJack

I've lived alone and could easily do it again. It's great to have that freedom.

I like hanging around with people but I do get exhausted dealig with them, especially in my job and my home is my place to relax. I've done houseshares before and I could just never fully relax unless in my room. My last houseshare was with some pretty irresponsible people and stressed me out so I don't think I could do that again.

I currently live with my GF but if I didn't, I'd be living on my own or at most with one person that I know.

Agent Coulson

John_Rambo wrote: »

Really? Zero social life? No romantic endeavor whatsoever?

Yes.


The rest of the post you are talking about yourself so that has no relevant to the question in the OP.

Pawwed Rig

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

Yeah, this is a big commuter area and the example is someone not from the area alright who prob would be in negative equity. Not saying he is doing anything wrong at all and maybe is content, just wondering if people can be content living a life that is quite solitary apart from work.
Lived in places where I knew no one in my mid to late twenties but even then it was a lifestyle I felt was unsatisfying. Wonder if you eventually just get used to it and accept it and maybe start to enjoy it.

Getting used to it long term if it is not what you want couldn't be good for mental health

leggo

Happiness is expectations met. So, if your expectations are to have things your own way, never to be bothered by others, to do what you want when you want in your own space and to never have to compromise, then of course you can be happy. The fact that someone else wouldn't be happy in those circumstances is completely irrelevant.

If you moved in on your own when you wanted company, or didn't pursue romance when you wanted a partner, of course you'd be unhappy. You've made counter-productive choices to what you want. We're all permanently on the clock regarding our own happiness and it's merely a case of being real with ourselves, setting our own expectations for life then doing the work required to meet those expectations.

What's more interesting, to me, is why does this bother you OP? You're probably going to say it doesn't, so I'll ask another way: why is it something you think about?

bee06

Exactly how much time to you spend watching this guy OP that you seem to know the in's and outs of his life so well?

Heckler

I lived on my own for the bones of a year while my wife to be then (now ex wife) spent a year in college in Dublin.

And I loved it.

Dial Hard

Living alone and leading a solitary life aren't the same thing.

I'm one of the most outgoing, sociable people I know but i'd love to live alone if I could afford it.

I rent a 3-bed detached house with my sister, so we've plenty of space but I still can't wait for her to go on holidays next week. Free gaff!!!

mrcheez

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

Census found more people are living on their own as I do myself.
Can't say I find it hard, fairly busy social life, family nearby, in a new relationship for last few months , so basically I'm grand with it. But a neighbour of mine also lives alone and does nothing with himself. Has a job but every evening his car is at the house and almost never has visitors, same at the weekends, no friends or family. Guy is only in his 30s and is a pretty pleasant guy whenever I meet him.
Have no doubt people can be happy living alone, because I am, but can a guy really be happy living alone without any social/romantic life at all?

Yep perfectly possible. Sounds a lot like me, mostly because most of my mates are people I'd meet after work, but not live nearby so they don't come over.

Single now after a long relationship and loving the freedom to do whatever I want and head off on holidays where I'm free to meet whomever I choose.

Love chilling in my place and it's become a sort of sanctuary I guess to escape away to after a hard week at work.

Mr Starman

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

Census found more people are living on their own as I do myself.
Can't say I find it hard, fairly busy social life, family nearby, in a new relationship for last few months , so basically I'm grand with it. But a neighbour of mine also lives alone and does nothing with himself. Has a job but every evening his car is at the house and almost never has visitors, same at the weekends, no friends or family. Guy is only in his 30s and is a pretty pleasant guy whenever I meet him.
Have no doubt people can be happy living alone, because I am, but can a guy really be happy living alone without any social/romantic life at all?

...a fairly spot on conclusion all right.

Advice: Further curtain twitching required for more comprehensive analysis.

Sunny Disposition

leggo wrote: »

Happiness is expectations met. So, if your expectations are to have things your own way, never to be bothered by others, to do what you want when you want in your own space and to never have to compromise, then of course you can be happy. The fact that someone else wouldn't be happy in those circumstances is completely irrelevant.

If you moved in on your own when you wanted company, or didn't pursue romance when you wanted a partner, of course you'd be unhappy. You've made counter-productive choices to what you want. We're all permanently on the clock regarding our own happiness and it's merely a case of being real with ourselves, setting our own expectations for life then doing the work required to meet those expectations.

What's more interesting, to me, is why does this bother you OP? You're probably going to say it doesn't, so I'll ask another way: why is it something you think about?

V fair enquiry.
Honestly it's how I once thought things could go for me, lived in a place with few friends, no love life and no family nearby. Couldn't see a way out of a rut for a little while. Strikes me now as a wasted period of time and I find it interesting when I see people living quite solitary lives and wonder if there is a good chance you will be content like that.

Galwayguy35

The guy in the OP could be me, I've lived on my own since 2009, rarely go out and like my own company.

But that doesn't stop nosy parkers telling me what I should be doing and that it's time I "found someone", although I don't let on to them it annoys the fook out of me when people start on me about this.

I take a holiday once a year and although I don't tell anyone I am on a few dating sites but I'm not actively looking, if it happens it happens.

I have lived with a few women when I was younger but I've become so used to my own space I'm not sure if I even want to live with someone full time anymore.

Dr Crayfish

I live alone, couldn't imagine ever living with someone again. How does it even work? Someone in your space the whole time, that's a nightmare to me.

leggo

Is that an argument against living alone, though? That getting used to having your own space can be counter-productive and ultimately make the concept of sharing a life with someone unappealing? But are you guys really okay growing old alone if you find that a struggle too far to overcome?

I'm not saying that's my stance, I think within a year or two I'll be looking to live alone myself, but it's an interesting thought...

who_me

Add me in too. I'm 44, have lived alone for the last 17 or so years, and am pretty happy with it. Not especially social, but have plenty hobbies (reading, learning languages, music, several software projects).

Not perfectly happy, but I don't think anyone is; everyone is always looking for something 'better' on the horizon, even if it's just "the grass is always greener" mentality.

I doubt if I'll ever live with someone long-term, and if I do it'll be one of those houses which is essentially two but joined by a corridor so we each have our own space to retreat to.

I definitely agree with those who say it's better to be alone than with the wrong person. I listen to some of the conversations (arguments) friends and colleagues have with their significant others, and can't fathom how they stay together.

newport2

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

Has a job but every evening his car is at the house and almost never has visitors, same at the weekends, no friends or family. Guy is only in his 30s and is a pretty pleasant guy whenever I meet him.

Sounds like me in my 30s. The reason my car was in the driveway and there was no visitors was because I was out enjoying myself all the time! Living on my own was great. You only really appreciate it once it's gone.

Dr Crayfish

leggo wrote: »

Is that an argument against living alone, though? That getting used to having your own space can be counter-productive and ultimately make the concept of sharing a life with someone unappealing? But are you guys really okay growing old alone if you find that a struggle too far to overcome?

I'm not saying that's my stance, I think within a year or two I'll be looking to live alone myself, but it's an interesting thought...

I'm fine with living with someone being unappealing! Everyone grows old and dies alone in their own way, and when I see my married friends they don't seem particularly happy with their situations so, you can't really have it all. I've lived with a partner a couple of times and didn't particularly like it. Maybe if the right person came along, but I wont hold my breath.

H3llR4iser

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

Census found more people are living on their own as I do myself.
Can't say I find it hard, fairly busy social life, family nearby, in a new relationship for last few months , so basically I'm grand with it. But a neighbour of mine also lives alone and does nothing with himself. Has a job but every evening his car is at the house and almost never has visitors, same at the weekends, no friends or family. Guy is only in his 30s and is a pretty pleasant guy whenever I meet him.
Have no doubt people can be happy living alone, because I am, but can a guy really be happy living alone without any social/romantic life at all?

That guy could easily be me as well - the only differences being that I live in an apartment, so you wouldn't see the car (parked in the underground car park) and that you'd think I'm some sort of serial killer as I have white blinds on all windows (they let light in, but not sight). The reason for the latter is that the apartment has a rather unfortunate orientation where no less than 5-6 other units have a clear view inside the bedroom; The first week living there I forgot about it, walking out of the shower bollix naked with the neighbour's 4 years old kid being on the balcony directly in front of my window. So, 5 Euro well spent in Ikea to avoid the Gardai calling up to the door

As it's a small apartment, I would rarely have people over - parents visiting 1/2 times a year (coming from abroad), occasionally some friends for dinner or coffee. Most of the times, I prefer going out to meet socially. I've also got plenty of hobbies and things to do; I'm a rather extreme introvert and, although I've learnt to do "social" to the point people don't believe me when I say I'm indeed an introvert, I'm the "bored in crowds, entertained on my own" kind of person. People tire me, and I need to be on my own to fully relax.

I've lived both in house shares and with partners in the past; Both were OK, to be honest, but living alone...it's unbeatable; There's nothing like waking up on a Saturday morning knowing that A-you don't have to do anything specific; B-you don't have to be anywhere specific; C-You can forget clocks even exist until Monday morning.

ancapailldorcha

H3llR4iser wrote: »

I've lived both in house shares and with partners in the past; Both were OK, to be honest, but living alone...it's unbeatable; There's nothing like waking up on a Saturday morning knowing that A-you don't have to do anything specific; B-you don't have to be anywhere specific; C-You can forget clocks even exist until Monday morning.

Ah don't be saying that. I've only ever shared and frankly I expect to be doing so until the day I die. My peripatetic lifestyle has just dumped me in London where renting a flat would cost about 70% of my net pay in my current area. I could move out where tube fares would devour any saving.

Closest I ever came would be when I was living in a 2-bed flat and the landlord would clear off for sunny pastures every December. It was bliss, just pure unadulterated bliss. I've no idea what it would be like to live with a partner.

I'd be fairly introverted like yourself and I've come to love spending time on my own. It'd be a dream come true for me to secure a big enough income to live alone on.

jacksie66

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H3llR4iser

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Ah don't be saying that. I've only ever shared and frankly I expect to be doing so until the day I die. My peripatetic lifestyle has just dumped me in London where renting a flat would cost about 70% of my net pay in my current area. I could move out where tube fares would devour any saving.

Closest I ever came would be when I was living in a 2-bed flat and the landlord would clear off for sunny pastures every December. It was bliss, just pure unadulterated bliss. I've no idea what it would be like to live with a partner.

I'd be fairly introverted like yourself and I've come to love spending time on my own. It'd be a dream come true for me to secure a big enough income to live alone on.

Don't get me wrong - I actually think that a house or apartment share can get very close to living on your own, as long as you pick the right place and people; It can actually beat living with a partner or family like 10-0, unless the couple are an absolutely perfect match for each other and think alike.

I've shared an apartment with two other people in Rome for a year, and it was very much all right - we'd occasionally have a dinner with friends, chat in front of a cup of espresso, but mostly we all kept different times, different schedules and there'd be days were we'd barely see each other. Same for about 6 months in Dublin, years ago - this time with a couple; I was actually home most of the day as I was working as a freelance Web Developer, but often just staying in the room slaving away on the laptop. If you pick the right people, who have respect for boundaries, even sharing can mean "waking on a Saturday and knowing you don't need to do anything specific". As long everyone cleans after themselves (e.g. cook something, clean the stove and wash the dishes / pan / hob afterwards) and chips in on common purchases (cleaning products, mainly), all the remaining duties are hoovering the communal areas - which is an easy and quick task.

At the time, when looking for places I stumbled upon the "wannabe Friends homes", where you'd be given a tour of the place by 3-4 lads (occasionally some girl involved, but it was very rare) showing the "cleaning duties sheet", the "shopping duties sheet" and explaining how "this is the communal area where we all watch TV at night - we don't believe in people just going to their rooms blah blah blah". Those places, I ran like the wind from .


On the other end, living with a partner can be Hell on Earth, especially if you have different habits / schedules; There's no actual concept of privacy (some people, usually extreme extroverts, seem to be missing the idea altogether - they'd happily poop in a room full of people); It takes a lot of self discipline and knowledge of each other to avoid constantly invading the other's space. It can be achieved, but again, it takes for a perfectly matched couple of character.

snowflaker

I live alone, and I love it!!! Being able to shut the door to the outside world- esp that weird neighbour guy that keeps watching me...

I like my own company, I find others can be quite trying, and unless they are good friends, or I'm enjoying the conversation, I don't like being around people trying to make small talk.

I'm single, no major issue there, not on a man hunt, but if the right guy came along, I'd like that.

I call to the shops etc, say hello to the friendly neighbours, but I don't "socialise" regularly, not my thing.

I just enjoy my own company, whats so wrong with that?

Permabear

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tomwaterford

I'd love to have the money to love alone


That being said,I've a pretty sweet deal at the min and as close to living alone as I can get

Resist ZOG

If you have to live with the strangers then the ideal is sociable people you can chat with but who are mature enough to respect your need for your own space. Nothing worse than those who insist a bunch of strangers living together become friends.