Feel very isolated and bored with life

Tylerdurex

I'm a 39 year old male . I'm single. Never been in a relationship. Overweight and I've become addicted to drinking in my apartment on my own most nights . I work shift and for the 4 days I have off I could go that time without speaking to anyone . I have a a good decent paying job but I have no savings because most of it goes on drink. I have very few friends. Anyone I knew in college I have lost contact with and I have no childhood friends from back home because my parents moved around a lot and just isolated themselves. I really hate my life . Obviously I have to quit the drink. And to lose the weight I know I need to exercise and eat healthy. These are obvious solutions to those problems but at 39 I can't think of any solution where I can enrich my life by making friends and basically finding purpose and finding a role for me in life where I look forward to waking up in the morning. The fact I'm overweight gives me very little motivation to be more social anyway . I've thought about moving to Australia because I have my brother over there but that's closed to me now because my occupation has been taken off the skills list. The other day I even considered moving to Dublin because the scope for making friends and getting involved in things seems to be a lot better up there compared to where I am especially with things like meet up. The risk there though is it have to leave a good permanent job and go on a contract but at the same time I'm 39 not 59 and I only my have myself to look after . I would appreciate some advice and insight . I know the drink has to go and I need to start exercising and eating healthy to lose the weight but I really want some advice in how to change my life as a whole

Eimee90

You need to deal with drinking before you move anywhere. You can travel across the globe but you are using alcohol as a crutch and your destination won't change your habit be it Dublin or Australia. I know I sound harsh but my point is drink has become your coping mechanism, so as I said, destination won't change that.

You need a bit of help to get on track. Getting a drinking problem under control is priority, losing weight will follow. Making new friends can happen whenever at anytime. Trust me, get a helping hand regarding the drink
and good times will hopefully follow. Wishing you the best

Eimee90

You say you know drink has to go, but has it? What have you done to deal with it?

I really believe alcohol is your problem. It's holding you back from everything you complain about, being single. Not being healthy, or going out and meeting people. Deal with the problem at hand.

You say you know the alcohol has to go but you really want advice as a whole,...... That is your advice. How many times did you write the word drink in your Op.........a lot..
I sound so harsh and I'm sorry but you are using alcohol as a crutch drinking at home. Hopefully the mods here can provide you with numbers and help.

LegacyUser

Alcohol isn't your problem, it's just a symptom of your problem. You've developed a void in your life where friendships, relationships and passions should sit and you've filled that void with alcohol, so you had the problem first and drink came second, not the other way around.

I'm not saying you can carry on drinking the way you have been, you clearly can't, but even if you stopped completely, you'd have the same issues. You need to aim at the base of the fire, find something that gives you a routine, some goals, some connections that turn into friendships, build your confidence by getting out and doing them and I'll bet you that drinking will quickly take care of itself.

There are any number of volunteer programmes that would be glad to have your help. The gym would give you routine and give you a start on weight issues, there are other sports you can try as you get a bit fitter. With 4 days off between shifts you could be throwing a tent in the car or finding cheap hostels and seeing the country bit by bit. Bring a camera and aim to get the best shots you can, wake up camping on a few beaches, then go for a walk. You really have loads of options and time. They all sound like cheery, simpleminded ideas, but I promise you they're better than what you're doing now.

And think about some counselling, it won't do you any harm and learning about why you've got into this pattern will do you a lot of good.

Priscilla Marie

Hi There,

As you say you are 39 not 59 .. and hey even if you were 59 .. its never too late.

As you have mentioned the alcohol is a problem. It causes so many problems beginning in Health. Start with that. If you feel you need support for the addiction, see if there's support groups available perhaps in your nearest town. Having that connection could help you to feel less alone.

Ask yourself what are your interests? It could be something you haven't done in years.

You could join the local gym whether its lifting weights, cardio or taking a class, swimming look at what you'd enjoy more. Even if its walking in the outdoors.

Your health is your wealth!

best of luck

Airyfairy12

Can you join a local sports club, weight lifting or mixed martial arts group? You'll meet new people on the same weightloss and fitness journey as yourself, they'll be a great support for you, it'll give you something to get up for and you could make some good friends.

Gyms often have information about MMA groups and different types of classes available.

silverharp

it all looks fixable. I'd certainly consider joining a gym, maybe get a trainer which might act as a motivation, if you got into it you would find youd want to change your diet cut down on the drink. Off the back of that you might see things in a more positive light.

yourdeadwright

I'm with Silverharp on this, Join a gym that does work outs in groups,it'll be hard at first but once you see results and bond friend ships with people you'll be a new man,
Working out its self will make u feel better on its own, then the confidence you get as you get fitter and make new friends will be so rewarding,
It might sound harsh but stop thinking about changing your life just do it,
 Its not to late but the trick is not to put it off and just be brave enough to take the first few steps the rest will follow,
I think getting yourself fitter will change your life, I'm not talking about being super fit or  ripped or anything like that just make little improvements and keep going with it
 I promise you the healthier you get the better you'll feel it'll clear your mind,

Wesser

What did you used to like doing when you were a child.

Try and get back into that again. Even if its as a hobby.

If you're doing something that you love and are passionate about then your self confidence will grow. Then you will be happier with yourself. If you're happy with yourself then you will attract friends.

Have you posted here before ?.... just looks familiar....

LynnGrace

OP, you have made a start by posting here.

A number of people have suggested exercise / getting fit - I completely agree. Take a look on the fitness threads, there are some very inspirational stories there. You will be amazed at the difference it makes to your life.

Start with small changes, and set yourself some goals. Maybe start first with fitness goals, and then the bigger picture - what else do you want to achieve and so on.

All the best.