Advice please?? Relationship?

Joda

Hey guys! So I was going out with this fella for like 10months! We literally had the best relationship ever! Got on so well,rarely argued!I was so In love and he said he was too! And that I was the best girlfriend and it was the best relationship he ever had!! A month ago out of no where he broke it off saying that he needed to do his own thing and he needed to be on his own! I'm devastated since!!! Since then we have met up a few times talked,cried even slept together which I know is a big no no!!! But I really fell apart the wknd and he was there for me! And said he would always be a phone call away that he's not going anywhere! I didn't speak to him Monday or wasn't going to contact him, he texed me asking was I free for a chat this evening and I said yes so he rang me, was asking how I was,he said he was **** enough that he jus feels sick all the time!! I then asked so what is it you wanna talk about and he said that he needs to take a step back that we both do because this is only making it harder on both of us being in contact and meeting up!! I understand where he's coming from but I feel like it's another kick in the teeth from him!! Not only has he dumped me out of no where tortured me, but now he's takin a step back!! I get it but he has completely broken my heart and has almost done it all over again with this phone call!! I left that call saying this is all on you,your choice I hope you won't regret it!! Deep down I would love for him to come back to me but I know chasing him won't bring him back!! He rang me after a night out saying he loved me and that he would marry me that I'm the girl for him and we met up Sunday and spent the day together and the Monday aswell but he still hadn't changed his mind he still needs to do his own thing! I spoke to him last night and said that was it we need to move on and he agrees even though it's so hard cz he still loves me but I feel he keeps dragging me back when I seem to be doing good does that make since?? Am I jus being played a fool here? Has this guy just got serious issues?? I'm trying to move on and be positive but deep down I do want him back but I dunno is he toxic for me!! Would love some advice on this!! Please!! Thanks so much!!

FineAle

Unlock Phone. Find contact. Delete Contact...

And start afresh!

bmwguy

That's mad what he is at. Calling to meet to say he doesn't want to be with you after breaking up? Some game he is playing. He wants you to chase him I'd say. Whatever it is, let him off.

Even if he suggests getting back together then don't. What a headwrecker he is.

What age group are you by the way? You sound mature but he is a child.

Big Bag of Chips

Breakups can be messy and get very confusing. If he ended it with you, he didn't just do it on a whim. He would have been thinking about it for a while, maybe trying to convince himself that it could work out. It can be confusing when you break up with someone because of they've been a big part of your life then you miss the familiarity of them.

To be honest, I think he did you a favour by telling you he'd have to take a step back. Because you were never going to be able to get over him and move on if you were in contact, meeting up and even having sex. The nice things he said might be to try make you feel better, or even make him feel better. But the reality is they're just words, and words are useless if the actions don't match them.

'He's just not that in to you'. I don't doubt that he really liked you, but he didn't like you enough to continue a relationship. You can't stay in contact with him. It's not going to help you get over him. It might seem cruel, but it is actually the kindest thing he could do for you. Tell him you understand and you are going to block and delete his number so that neither of you are tempted in a moment of loneliness to seek out the other.

He'll understand that.

Joda

Ya it's just a strange one! I can't figure him out!! He's 26 and I'm soon to be 28!!

bmwguy wrote: »

That's mad what he is at. Calling to meet to say he doesn't want to be with you after breaking up? Some game he is playing. He wants you to chase him I'd say. Whatever it is, let him off.

Even if he suggests getting back together then don't. What a headwrecker he is.

What age group are you by the way? You sound mature but he is a child.

Joda

Thanks for the reply really appreciate it!!i get where your coming from but he has made all the contact with me within the last wk and that's cz he saw me Friday,I looked happy and boom he's back in contact!! If he didn't want to be with me that's ok but let me move on it's not fair!!!and he blocked me from everything and ended up unblocking me to contact me!! I saw him at work the other day and he then messaged me saying it's so weird not seeing you and not being able to kiss you and hug you...Maybe this behaviour is normal I don't know but Iv never been in a break up like this!! It's jus baffling!! quote="Big Bag of Chips;104267493"]Breakups can be messy and get very confusing. If he ended it with you, he didn't just do it on a whim. He would have been thinking about it for a while, maybe trying to convince himself that it could work out. It can be confusing when you break up with someone because of they've been a big part of your life then you miss the familiarity of them.

To be honest, I think he did you a favour by telling you he'd have to take a step back. Because you were never going to be able to get over him and move on if you were in contact, meeting up and even having sex. The nice things he said might be to try make you feel better, or even make him feel better. But the reality is they're just words, and words are useless if the actions don't match them.

'He's just not that in to you'. I don't doubt that he really liked you, but he didn't like you enough to continue a relationship. You can't stay in contact with him. It's not going to help you get over him. It might seem cruel, but it is actually the kindest thing he could do for you. Tell him you understand and you are going to block and delete his number so that neither of you are tempted in a moment of loneliness to seek out the other.

He'll understand that.[/quote]

Big Bag of Chips

Just block him and dint let him contact you. It's not going to work out. He might be missing you, he might be missing your company, or he might just want to keep you close for sex. Either way, you have a say in whether or not you let this continue.

If you want to let it run and see what happens, then do nothing. Stay in occasional contact, meet up the odd weekend for sex, hang around waiting for him to realise he actually wants to be with you. Or, block him and make the decision for yourself that you're not going to be a back up plan.

leggo

Here's something that might hurt now but might also help you in the long run:

Often when people go dark like this citing stuff like "I need to do my own thing" when everything seems to be going well, it could be because their head is turned and they want to explore the option of being single a while in the hope that they can run back if life doesn't go to plan (hence keeping you sweet and making sure you're still there every time he swipes on Tinder, gets no matches and panics). I'm not saying there's someone else, there's no evidence of that, but it may be a possible answer to the "why?" question that's no doubt rolling around your head.

And, the truth is, if this is the case then it's actually nothing to do with you. He's just a dumb, horny man who may have thrown away your relationship and everything you'd worked to build on a whim to try hook up with other people. Again, that's not a reflection on you at all, sometimes lads can just think with 'grass is always greener' eyes and not with their brains. Some people are just bums who are afraid of success and panic and run whenever things are going good because they get scared, losers will always find a way to lose after all. It can be jarring if someone we think highly of turns out to be like that, but it makes them a hell of a lot easier to get over once we process it.

Either way, take some time to focus on yourself and find yourself as an individual again. Block this guy for a while until you do so, take the decision to get back onto you and mess with your head out of his hands and look out for yourself, because he's not doing so right now.

Yellow pack crisps

Complete head wrecker! If you like drama, keep in contact with him, if you value and respect yourself, cut contact, it's that simple.

kylith

So he dumps you and you still sleep with him? He's playing you for a fool, and you're letting him. Get rid.

SozBbz

In my experience, people tend to be too linear in their thinking in this regard when the reality is that there are many shades or grey.

WHat i mean is you think either he likes me or he doesn't like me - you seem to discount him not liking you, as he keeps initiating contact, so you're left with he likes you.

What you're not considering is that while he may indeed quite like you, and on a day to day basis enjoy your company and selfishly keep seeking out your company because he seems to enjoy spending time with you......the critical factor is that he does not like you ENOUGH to commit to you, to not upset you, to not be selfish and put your needs ahead of his own. This doesnt mean he secretly thinks you're awful - merely that you're fine to pass the time with, but not ENOUGH to treat well or take seriously.

You also seem to think its up to him to dictate terms. If he wants to meet up, you meet. Take responsibility for your own actions here and stop allowing this. Tell him he's being really unfair to you and it has to stop.

LLMMLL

If I have this right he broke up with you, stayed in contact, then said you shouldn't be in contact anymore but has instigated contact numerous times since?

Firstly, this will not end up in a stable relationship. Either on boards or in real life I have never encountered a successful relationship that started with this level of messing around.

He obviously cannot control himself though so if you want a resolution to this situation you need to block him. You won't be able to get him to only contact you of he wants a relationship. He's not capable of that so it's your responsibility

alberto67

He's mad and creepy. Give up, don't keep in contact with him, simple.
Further, he dumps you and you sleep with him... That's playing. Just get rid of this chap.

ahnow

You should block him on all social media, and block his number. He's not going to be stable for you, and even if you were to get back together it is very likely he will do the same thing again to you and run off when he gets freaked out for whatever reason. You really are better off without this type of person in your life.

If you look at his behaviour after the break up it is really telling what sort of a person he is. His behaviour really smacks of selfishness and immaturity, he has kept in contact with you to alleviate his own guilt, and has gotten in contact with you when he wants to feel better about himself, or when he misses you, and yet, he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. He has even gone as far as to have sex with you, even though he has broken it off. He is taking complete advantage of you, and emotionally manipulating you.

Next time you run into him and he tells you that he misses you, remember that that is no longer your problem, he has made his decision and thrown the relationship away, and it is none of your business how he feels about it anymore, as it is none of his business how you feel about the whole thing.

No contact is really the best way to get over it, take some time for yourself and lean on your friends and family a while, and remember his behaviour following the break up when you feel sad about it, that's not the type of person you deserve to be with.

milli milli

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

'He's just not that in to you'.

I don't agree with this. To me it just sounds like a young guy who is afraid of settling down with one girl. He may have not had his fill of women yet, he may not have had all the experiences he wanted to have. By being with you, the next stop is serious commitment/marriage.
He is not mature enough to have a serious relationship. And that's not a bad thing. You are just not on the same page as him.

For that reason, OP you need to do your thing and get on with your own life.
Let him off and experience life on his own.
He may come back, he may not - the important thing is you Don't wait for him. Look after yourself now, do your own thing, take some time out to heal.
Best of luck OP

Potatoeman

Joda wrote: »

Ya it's just a strange one! I can't figure him out!! He's 26 and I'm soon to be 28!!

That's a tricky age gap. Guys don't have the same timetable women have. Late twenties is when many women start looking for commitment. If you were two years younger that would mean an extra four years before things go serious for him.

BetsyEllen

What's with all the !!!!
A sentence should be ended with a . not a !

Very hard to read.

Anyway, as others have said you MUST block his number and move on.
I've been in your situation and it's the only way unfortunately.

Don't let him treat you this way, remember your worth.

RoYoBo

He says he wants and needs time on his own and then doesn't take it - just keeps coming back for more to make sure you're still there and on the hook. You can't let him keep on engaging in this pantomime of 'Yes, I do' and 'No, I don't' as it's doing neither of you any good.

At the very least, he needs to take a definite amount of time away - with no contact at all - to allow both of you to discover if this is the right option. And, yes, the decision is for BOTH of you, but he doesn't seem to want to allow you to discover that you'll manage without him. Hence, when he meets up with you and you're looking good, he starts to feel deprived and reels you back in.

This strikes me as being horribly immature and not at all a likeable or trustworthy characteristic. It certainly doesn't indicate a man ready for a committed relationship.

It reminds me of my kids when they were trying to clear out their rooms, but couldn't let go of outgrown toys that they themselves had decided to give away. The toys were dumped and hauled back a dozen times before they finally let go. Don't be that toy!