I'm sick of living in my family home

LegacyUser

I'm 21, and I live at home with my parents and two younger brothers (19 & 17). I'm entering my final year of college, and intend to start a career as a web/software developer.

My issue is that i'm starting to get sick of living at home, and I would love my own place. I'm getting sick of my younger brothers not caring if the house is clean or not. While every time I clean up, or freak at them for leaving the house in a tip, I'm told to stop being a bitch. I'm the butt of all their jokes, and it's really starting to piss me off.

In the last year to 18 months, I have become a much more social person. I have went from not really going out anywhere, to going out at least once a week. (This could be pub, food, football, gym ect). I used to rely on for family for company and all, but now I feel much more confident that I have proper friends.

I don't intend to sound ungrateful. My parents have made my life very easy, and generally family life is good, and we all look out for each other, but I don't want to stay here.

The fact is I'm here for another 2-3 years at least. Rent will probably be unaffordable, and the fact that only one my my mates is entering final year in college means I won't be able to rent either. I plan to aggressively save my income when I start working, and complement it with freelance jobs as much as I can, and increasing my passive income. (Affiliate marketing, very small at the moment, but it's growing. €50 this month from very little engagement). So I have a deposit to buy a 1/2 bed apartment.

I was out on Saturday, and my mate "has" a house. (His grandad passed away 2 years ago, and his parents are waiting until prices go up before they sell, so we can use it whenever we go out). We had pre drinks, my mates gf and her mates came over, we went out, came home stayed up drinking, and went to sleep before spending hours chilling the next day.

I just keep thinking I would rather live in a house with them, then my family. It's just much more fun. Not that I hate my family, I love them, but really I want to move. I wouldn't see my dogs + cats everyday though.

Anybody ever felt the same and any advice on what to do

Airyfairy12

So move out. You dont have to rent with friends you could just rent a single room in a house somewhere. Rent is expensive but if youre working with a decent wage its very doable.

Ursus Horribilis

Of course if you're of the "rent is dead money" brigade you're stuck...

Lots of young people elect to leave home even though they live near enough to their work/college. It depends how obsessed with owning your own property you are. You can't have it both ways.

Eric Cartman

Firstly , a 21 year old going mad at a 19 or 17 year old to clean up - stop doing this, ofcourse you're going to be made fun of / called names by them , they don't respect the authority you don't have over them. If you just let your parents handle the discipline side you'll have a much less stressful time.

Secondly - you're very young to be on the 'save for a house' bandwagon , get yourself a part time job and go live in some dirty student shared accomodation with friends or strangers, its great fun and well worth doing.

LegacyUser

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Firstly , a 21 year old going mad at a 19 or 17 year old to clean up - stop doing this, ofcourse you're going to be made fun of / called names by them , they don't respect the authority you don't have over them. If you just let your parents handle the discipline side you'll have a much less stressful time.

Secondly - you're very young to be on the 'save for a house' bandwagon , get yourself a part time job and go live in some dirty student shared accomodation with friends or strangers, its great fun and well worth doing.

+ 1 this all the way OP. It's not your house, it's your parents so if they don't want to tell your siblings to clean up after themselves that's their choice.

Get out and rent a room in a house share and experience life a little. Going straight from living at home to buying an apartment just sounds dull to me. What if you want to spend a year or two traveling? What if you don't like the were you are after a year or find the place too small etc etc Owning an apartment means you are tied down and renting it out isn't as easy as people make it sound, there are a lot of requirements and costs now for landlords.

alberto67

moving1213fdfd,

Talk to your parents, they'll understand and will do something to ensure your brothers clean the house, etc.

Other than that, the best thing to do is to consider moving out. You probably have mates who could share a house with you... the rent won't be that expensive. Another poster suggested finding a job too.

If the above is not possible, then talk to your parents / brothers and you might find a compromise to improve the way you live together.

GingerLily

If you think sharing with your brothers is messy, sharing with your mates won't be any cleaner.
Absolutely no reason you should be limited to renting with mates, most people from my experience do some sort of a house share.

I think your going to have to compromise somewhere so you need to figure out what's most important to you. I personally think everyone should live outside the family home before buying a house of their own, but waiting to finish college would make the most sense!

neonsofa

You spent the night in what was effectively a friends free gaf, same as most teenagers/young adults do throughout their lives. And of course it feels nice to just chill out with friends and enjoy their company rather than your familys. But that's not the same as living with them. You didn't have to pay rent, bills etc. for that night and it was a novelty. Not saying it wouldn't be fun living together, but if ye were all paying rent and bills etc and arguing over who cleans up/takes bins out/who stole who's food it becomes less fun very quickly.

Everybody begins to want their own independence at the age you're at and it's completely normal. You say you're stuck at home for a few years so just use how you're feeling to motivate yourself on working towards your goal, whether it's saving for a house or earning enough to be self sufficient renting. Or you could look at sharing now. Not with your friends if they're unavailable to do so.

freshpopcorn

Would I be correct in saying you have posted on Boards about your siblings in the past?
If you have you really have to loosen up a little at this stage.
My advice is to go out and rent a house share with young people. You might make new friends.
Have you any plans on going travelling or living anywhere apart from Dublin(Guessing here)? Are you sure you want to settle down just yet?

witchgirl26

OP I completely understand where you're coming from and there are a couple of options. Firstly though, you need to stop trying to parent your siblings by giving out to them about not being tidy. It's not your house so of course they won't respond to you. Unless they're messing up something you own or your room, then let it drop and let your parents be the parents and handle it. Even if it drives you mad.

Option A is what others here have said about move out and rent a room. You don't have to rent with friends and honestly I know a fair amount of friendships that started as randomers sharing a house. However it won't be all fun like the night you had. There'll be cleaning up and arguments about it not being done, rows about being loud etc. In some ways you're better having them with relative strangers rather than people who are already friends.

Option B is to do what you suggest and save like mad to buy a small place for yourself in a few years. It's a lovely idea but there are pitfalls with this as well. You'll be stuck with a mortgage when a lot of your friends are going out a bit more (thanks to a bit more disposable income through work) or travelling. And you'll have to be in a job at least 6 months before you can apply for a mortgage so that you've passed the probationary period.

Option C is to talk to your parents. If you feel like you don't have the independence that a rental would give you, see if they'd be willing to ease up on any restrictions if you agree to pay a nominal rent (don't know if you do this already). Do you have your own room? See if you can redecorate it using your own money to be a living/bedroom similar to what you'd have if you did live in a rented house. I lived at home until I was about 24 and I did that and found it really just made life a bit easier. I essentially had created a studio flat for myself in my room and made sure that there was no expectations about sitting in the living room with the family of an evening if I just wanted to chill and watch whatever in my room.

December2012

You have no right to give out to your brothers for making a mess. It's not your house.

Stop acting like their Mammy and things might get a bit easier.

neonsofa

December2012 wrote: »

You have no right to give out to your brothers for making a mess. It's not your house.

Stop acting like their Mammy and things might get a bit easier.

Not to give out to them, no. But if they are making a mess and then leaving the house that way, if op doesn't clean it then nobody does (assuming parents are at work etc) and he has every right to take that up with them imo. It's not a nice position to be in because he then appears to be not pulling his weight and leaving the place untidy if he doesn't tidy their mess.

All well and good saying "not my mess" but at the end of the day he's living at home and expected to contribute to the home and blaming other people, no matter how legitimately, does come across as petty if his parents expect him to help out around the house.

Mr. Incognito

Get a job.

Save up.

Move out

Simples.

Step one will mean you are not at home as much being annoyed

heretothere

Finish college, go travelling see the world. You can buy a house when you're 30. Start saving for your deposit now if you want

Paddy Cow

moving1213fdfd wrote: »

I just keep thinking I would rather live in a house with them, then my family. It's just much more fun. Not that I hate my family, I love them, but really I want to move. I wouldn't see my dogs + cats everyday though.

Anybody ever felt the same and any advice on what to do

It is not more fun living with friends/strangers. It's not like Friends where everyone gets on and has a laugh. It happened to me and many others where we moved in with a friend and the friendship went pear shaped. I would advise against moving in with friends. It's all fun and games at the start but when the reality of bills/annoying personal habits kick in, it can lead to ructions. At least when you are living at home and your family annoys you, you can go out with your friends and vent to get it off your chest. If your friends are the ones getting on your nerves, what outlet do you have?

Living with strangers can be an expensive nightmare. Personalities clash and there are some really inconsiderate as$holes out there. Your brothers are messy but do they move their girlfriends in, have all night parties, come home late at night and wake the whole house?

There is a great thread I hate my housemate megathread that you should have a read of to see what really happens when people share accommodation 24/7. It will give you some real perspective on how good you have it at the moment (even though it probably doesn't seem like that to you right now). It's a restricted forum so you'll have to pm the moderator Overheal to get access.

Ray37

Leave your siblings alone, as long as they aren't messing your stuff, it's not your house, and not upto you to tell them what to do. At 21 you aren't much older than them at all, so I'm not really surprised they are winding you up on purpose. It is up to whoever pays the bills/mortgage to tell them what to do under that roof.
To be honest, spending a few nights at a mates gaff is NOT the same as moving out. You may end up with people messier than your siblings, who don't respect the place, will eat your food, play loud music all night etc. You will have to look after bills, do all your own shopping, clean the place and so on. Be aware that is isn't all just mad craic, you will have a lot of responsibilities. I have seen some house shares of friends when I was in college, and they were manky.

Pelvis

Op are you the same person who posted a couple of weeks ago because you don't have money to go out with mates all the time, but also don't want to get a job?

The solution is, get a job and move out.

freshpopcorn

Can I ask you a question OP.
Do you often get worked over little things?

Big Bag of Chips

There comes a point in most people's lives when they feel exactly as you do, OP. It's called adulthood! And it's why most people move out and start standing on their own two feet. You've managed to tolerate the house for 21 years, another few months while you finish college won't kill you. But make sure you start sending out job applications. Make sure you keep an eye on local rental sites. If you want to live independently, you are going to have to take the steps yourself and not expect someone to hand it all to you. You may or may not be able to move in with your friends, but you don't have to. If you're branching out and becoming independent you shouldn't rely on the safety net of your friends. If your friends aren't ready move out, but you are, why would you wait for them?

Everyone (well most people!) do it. It's a big step but it's not really that difficult if it's what you want.

368100

neonsofa wrote: »

Not to give out to them, no. But if they are making a mess and then leaving the house that way, if op doesn't clean it then nobody does (assuming parents are at work etc) and he has every right to take that up with them imo. It's not a nice position to be in because he then appears to be not pulling his weight and leaving the place untidy if he doesn't tidy their mess.

All well and good saying "not my mess" but at the end of the day he's living at home and expected to contribute to the home and blaming other people, no matter how legitimately, does come across as petty if his parents expect him to help out around the house.

+1 on this....I spent my time growing up in a house like a pigstye at times. Father was at work, mother long term illness. I tried to keep it as clean as I could but when you've others who just won't clean up after themselves it gets very frustrating. Most of the them I didn't want to invite friends to the house as was too embarrassed.

Wexfordboy89

Living with mates isnt always as great as it might sound take it from me.tbh Save up get a job n if u can get your own place you will be better off in the long run

freshpopcorn

368100 wrote: »

+1 on this....I spent my time growing up in a house like a pigstye at times. Father was at work, mother long term illness. I tried to keep it as clean as I could but when you've others who just won't clean up after themselves it gets very frustrating. Most of the them I didn't want to invite friends to the house as was too embarrassed.

Some people don't mind how messy the house is tough and will gladly invite anybody in.

368100

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Some people don't mind how messy the house is tough and will gladly invite anybody in.

True.....not for me though, sign of pure laziness

retro:electro

You come across very immature and naive. Try speaking to your mates the way you speak to your brothers when you live with them and see how far that gets you. You sound like a naive teen who has spent a few nights away from home and thinks they have the world figured out.
Either be thankful that you're living comfortably, rent free- or get a job and move out.