Seperating - Need advice on house and rights please

seperating.dad

My wife and I are seperating after 9 years of marriage. We have 2 young children and a mortgage together. It's obviously a very tough time for both of us. My wife is a stay-at-home mother and I work. I want to figure out where I stand legally on a number of issues.

My wife says she wants half of our family home. She hasn't paid anything into the mortgage since it started even though she's named on the mortgage. I don't feel she's morally entitled to half. I fully intend to make sure she and my children will not want for anything but I can't see how she can claim half of something she never financially contributed to. Can I do anything to prevent her forcing a sale?

I don't intend leaving the family home and I want it to remain as home for my children. If my wife insists on me leaving and renting another place, can I be legally forced to leave the family home?

Thanks,
Seperating Dad

musefan123

In theory your wife is entitled to half. Of course in reality it's not that straightforward. Have you considered that your wife made other contributions to the house as in decorating it, keeping it clean and tidy etc? It's not not just about the financial side of things. It is a marital asset, therefore you both have an equal share in it regardless of who pays the mortgage.

As for being forced out, no she can't legally make you leave. And you can't make her leave either. The only way you can be forced to leave is if you are ordered by a court.

I'm in a similar situation. It's not resolved yet but I think I'm getting there. If you want to talk about it give me a shout.

seperating.dad

Thanks for the reply. I don't intend to move out and I don't want to sell either. To be fair, she did stay at home with the kids these past years but that was her choice. Half a house seems a very high payment to me. I intend to take care of her and my kids, what I don't want is to be funding a comfy lifestyle for her, leaving me stretched to breaking point.

Kimbot

Well you were married so regardless of paying anything towards the house she is entitled to half. Also be prepared to pay maintenance to her for your kids and also herself.

musefan123

seperating.dad wrote: »

To be fair, she did stay at home with the kids these past years but that was her choice. Half a house seems a very high payment to me.

To be fair, yous are married. The house is a joint asset regardless of how high it seems to you.

You can of course try to live seperate lives under the same roof. In my situatuon it just wasn't workable. l moved back in with my parents temperarily (yes, I know, no one wants to do this) but i did it to ease the tension. Tension isn't good for the kids and it's really hard to hide it from them. Ask yourself, if you stay where you are, can you both keep a good athmosphere in the house so that the kids don't get affected?

I can guarantee you one thing. Whatever happens, you will lose out one way or the other. Seperation is difficult. Even if you know it's the right thing to do it doesn't come without hardship and worry. I won't lie to you, but it's very possible that a judge (if it got to that stage) would make you move out and order the house to be sold when the youngest child comes of age (all depending on the financial situation).

But there is also good news. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. If you are adament that you aren't going to move out (believe me, I was of the same opinion this time last year, but I eventually gave in) then you should probably seek legal advice. At least that way you will know what your options are. You could also try mediation to see could you both come to some sort of agreement.

Worst case scenario is that it would go to court and you'd end up wasting money on legal fees when you could have sorted it out between you both. The courts very much (unfairly) favour the woman. Ridiculous. I know. Also bear in mind that the fact she is not working she will more than likely be entitled to free legal aid whereas you probably wouldn't. So that's not a route you want to have to take. You need to make compromises.

I'm sorry if I come across as blunt, but I'm just trying to explain some of the personal realities I've faced over the last 12 months.

1 last bit of advice. Be there for your kids. Even if you do move out, see them as much as possible and give them all the support you can. When they are older, they WILL thank you for it.

musefan123

musefan123 wrote: »

To be fair, yous are married. The house is a joint asset regardless of how high it seems to you.

You can of course try to live seperate lives under the same roof. In my situatuon it just wasn't workable. l moved back in with my parents temperarily (yes, I know, no one wants to do this) but i did it to ease the tension. Tension isn't good for the kids and it's really hard to hide it from them. Ask yourself, if you stay where you are, can you both keep a good athmosphere in the house so that the kids don't get affected?

I can guarantee you one thing. Whatever happens, you will lose out one way or the other. Seperation is difficult. Even if you know it's the right thing to do it doesn't come without hardship and worry. I won't lie to you, but it's very possible that a judge (if it got to that stage) would make you move out and order the house to be sold when the youngest child comes of age (all depending on the financial situation).

But there is also good news. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. If you are adament that you aren't going to move out (believe me, I was of the same opinion this time last year, but I eventually gave in) then you should probably seek legal advice. At least that way you will know what your options are. You could also try mediation to see could you both come to some sort of agreement.

Worst case scenario is that it would go to court and you'd end up wasting money on legal fees when you could have sorted it out between you both. The courts very much (unfairly) favour the woman. Ridiculous. I know. Also bear in mind that the fact she is not working she will more than likely be entitled to free legal aid whereas you probably wouldn't. So that's not a route you want to have to take. You need to make compromises.

I'm sorry if I come across as blunt, but I'm just trying to explain some of the personal realities I've faced over the last 12 months.

1 last bit of advice. Be there for your kids. Even if you do move out, see them as much as possible and give them all the support you can. When they are older, they WILL thank you for it.

Excellent post.

Dee01

She is the children's primary care giver in so far as she is at home minding them. She will be completely entitled to somewhere to stay with them and will be entitled to maintenance. You staying in the house will be down to what you can both agree on. If you can't agree and don't want to sell, a court will decide. It would be very unlikely that they'll order you to stay as well. As mentioned above, mediation would be the best option.

Additionally, your wife does work.

seperating.dad

musefan123 wrote: »

To be fair, yous are married. The house is a joint asset regardless of how high it seems to you.

You can of course try to live seperate lives under the same roof. In my situatuon it just wasn't workable. l moved back in with my parents temperarily (yes, I know, no one wants to do this) but i did it to ease the tension. Tension isn't good for the kids and it's really hard to hide it from them. Ask yourself, if you stay where you are, can you both keep a good athmosphere in the house so that the kids don't get affected?

I can guarantee you one thing. Whatever happens, you will lose out one way or the other. Seperation is difficult. Even if you know it's the right thing to do it doesn't come without hardship and worry. I won't lie to you, but it's very possible that a judge (if it got to that stage) would make you move out and order the house to be sold when the youngest child comes of age (all depending on the financial situation).

But there is also good news. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. If you are adament that you aren't going to move out (believe me, I was of the same opinion this time last year, but I eventually gave in) then you should probably seek legal advice. At least that way you will know what your options are. You could also try mediation to see could you both come to some sort of agreement.

Worst case scenario is that it would go to court and you'd end up wasting money on legal fees when you could have sorted it out between you both. The courts very much (unfairly) favour the woman. Ridiculous. I know. Also bear in mind that the fact she is not working she will more than likely be entitled to free legal aid whereas you probably wouldn't. So that's not a route you want to have to take. You need to make compromises.

I'm sorry if I come across as blunt, but I'm just trying to explain some of the personal realities I've faced over the last 12 months.

1 last bit of advice. Be there for your kids. Even if you do move out, see them as much as possible and give them all the support you can. When they are older, they WILL thank you for it.

Thanks for the reality check, I probably needed it. I'm just feeling very raw right now. I didn't want to separate, this came from my wife. On top of the emotional trauma, I'm now starting to see the financial cost and it's rubbing salt into the wounds. I never intended not to provide for my wife and kids, I only want her to pay her fair share. I'm not rich and this is going to set us all back very badly.
I'll try to see a solicitor and see what my options are. Thanks again for all the advice, very welcome.