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Living in twins shadow

  • 26-07-2017 5:44pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi folks,

    I'm happy for my brother but I'm also jealous it's not me. He is in a long term relationship, bought a house,nice car and getting married but I've nothing. I still live at home with my parents, I suffer with bipolar and have been in and out of hospital. I'm unemployed living on disability. I feel like such a failure and like people must be thinking I'm such a mess compared to him. I don't even want to go to the wedding because I'm embarrassed to be seen and not have anything good to report to the family about myself. How do I make a life for myself because I'm being left behind.


Comments

  • #2
    Lux23
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    I think first of all you might need to swallow a bit of your pride and accept that this is your brother's day so you should be there for him and you shouldn't be causing any other stress for your family around the event. Secondly, you're the one comparing yourself to your brother, other people may not even think of doing such a thing. They might look at you and think that you're dealing with so much and they will probably be delighted to see you at your brother's side on his wedding day and happy for him.

    You have been dealt a really tough hand in life so getting a nice job, house and meeting someone might seem out of reach now but you shouldn't hide away - you have probably achieved far more than you realise given your circumstances. And finally, maybe you just need to prepare a line or two when people ask you what you have been up to? I am sure there is more going on in your life than you let on?


  • #3
    m-a-i-
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 159 ✭✭m-a-i-


    Hi OP 
    I was in almost in the exact same position as you, my twin (we're both girls) is earning more money than me, married, has a house and planning for a baby while I was single, going on countless dates, constantly in and out of hospital with mental health and physical issues so I can relate to you. 
    Might I suggest maybe not focusing so much on what he as and instead focusing on things that make you smile. I took up volunteering and focused on going out with my friends or enjoying small little things. I would get the odd pang particularly when she was prepping for her wedding but I accepted she was happy and that made me happy as well as making sure I was mentally OK 
    Maybe meet up or get talking to a counsellor or support groups. 
    All the best OP


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