Heartbroken and struggling

Noodle76

Hey all,
So met the man of my dreams feb 2016. Had an absolute fairy tale, a real love story. We both felt this was it and we'd be together forever!!
Anyway in March this year I became pregnant. We were so happy. But my job was temporary so after some research got a permanent job. Got it all wrong and found out they wouldn't be paying me and I've 3 kids and he has 3 too. Spoke about it, he said that he would support us but he was self employed and said he also had them to think of, so in my opinion made the best choice and decided an abortion. I really wanted him to say he'd take care of me but he didn't and that felt like I'd been kicked hard! Spent night after night crying next to him quietly, I felt so let down. So I go ahead with it. And he goes distant, I tried 3/4 times to try and get him to talk ( he's a typical Capricorn) but he kept saying he was fine but I knew he wasn't. After 3 weeks I'd had enough and said we needed to sort it out one way or another, after a few choice words he said he was going to his mates and he never came back.
We've cried together since about the baby and he said he doesn't trust me or forgive me. But he still loves me! Now after many weeks of arguments and him possibly going with someone else we are not talking Any more and it's totally killing me. I'm weak I cry all the time, not only did I lose my baby I lost him too. I'm totally shocked at his behaviour that he has gone so cold when he says that I am the person who knows him best. He wants me to give him time and then be friends but friends is not good enough for me.
Obviously he sees it in a different way and he's a strong man, once he makes his mind up that's it. I've tried begging him, being mean just to get a reaction, and ignoring him but nothing is working. I can't move on because then that relationship will just become part of the past and I can't let it. Please give me some advice before I go crazy!

Full Marx

My advice would be to get some professional help to talk about your grief. We are all idiots on here who are not qualified to advise you anything but I think counselling can help you.

If a friend of yours explained that situation to you you would tell them that the man is a you know what and that she is better off without. It doesn't make it any easier but I think being separate from him and having no contact is for the best. He let you down big time and revealed himself as a not very nice person, and it looks like he is now manipulating you and has twisted things so you feel like you've done something wrong.

I'm very sorry you have been through such a horrible time and I hope things look up soon.

colmdel

Hey OP,
             So sorry to hear you have had such an awful time. I'm not even going to try to offer any advice as I have no clue what I would do in your situation. I would agree with the previous post and hope you get some professional help with your grief. 

Hope things get better soon.

nikkibikki

Did you both agree together that the abortion was the best thing to do or did you go ahead with it against his wishes?

I agree with previous posters in that it definitely sounds like you need to talk about this to a professional. A psychotherapist perhaps.

Ursus Horribilis

I replied to your thread in the main PI forum before spotting this in here. I agree with the others - I think you could do with getting some counselling/therapy. Talk to your GP and see what they advise. It would help you with your grief over losing the baby. It would also help you gain clarity regarding your relationship. Full Marx beat me to it with his comment. I don't think any of us on this forum are qualified to help you with your current problems. Sorry for your loss, by the way.

ifElseThen

Noodle76 wrote: »

( he's a typical Capricorn)

Why are you relying on astrological tripe to make character assumptions?

Noodle76 wrote: »

and he said he doesn't trust me or forgive me. But he still loves me!

Did you not give him a say in the abortion? If not, then I don't see how you think a relationship would survive this.

Noodle76 wrote: »

I've tried begging him, being mean just to get a reaction, and ignoring him but nothing is working. I can't move on because then that relationship will just become part of the past and I can't let it. Please give me some advice before I go crazy!

Sounds like the relationship is in the past for him so you may not have a choice in whether it succeeds or not.

Jurgen Klopp

It's hard to advise until you clear up whether you had the abortion without telling him, against his wishes or if he was in agreement you have it.