Heartbroken and struggling

Noodle76

Hey all,
So met the man of my dreams feb 16. Had an absolute fairy tale, a real love story. We both felt this was it and we'd be together forever!!
Anyway in March this year I became pregnant. We were so happy. But my job was temporary so after some research got a permanent job. Got it all wrong and found out they wouldn't be paying me and I've 3 kids and he has 3 too. Spoke about it, he said that he would support us but he was self employed and said he also had them to think of, so in my opinion made the best choice and decided an abortion. I really wanted him to say he'd take care of me but he didn't and that felt like I'd been kicked hard! Spent night after night crying next to him quietly, I felt so let down. So I go ahead with it. And he goes distant, I tried 3/4 times to try and get him to talk ( he's a typical Capricorn) but he kept saying he was fine but I knew he wasn't. After 3 weeks I'd had enough and said we needed to sort it out one way or another, after a few choice words he said he was going to his mates and he never came back.
We've cried together since about the baby and he said he doesn't trust me or forgive me. But he still loves me! Now after many weeks of arguments and him possibly going with someone else we are not talking Any more and it's totally killing me. I'm weak I cry all the time, not only did I lose my baby I lost him too. I'm totally shocked at his behaviour that he has gone so cold when he says that I am the person who knows him best. He wants me to give him time and then be friends but friends is not good enough for me.
Obviously he sees it in a different way and he's a strong man, once he makes his mind up that's it. I've tried begging him, being mean just to get a reaction, and ignoring him but nothing is working. I can't move on because then that relationship will just become part of the past and I can't let it. Please give me some advice before I go crazy!

rainbowtrout

Noodle76 wrote: »

Hey all,
So met the man of my dreams feb 16. Had an absolute fairy tale, a real love story. We both felt this was it and we'd be together forever!!
Anyway in March this year I became pregnant. We were so happy. But my job was temporary so after some research got a permanent job. Got it all wrong and found out they wouldn't be paying me and I've 3 kids and he has 3 too. Spoke about it, he said that he would support us but he was self employed and said he also had them to think of, so in my opinion made the best choice and decided an abortion. I really wanted him to say he'd take care of me but he didn't and that felt like I'd been kicked hard!

I'm a bit confused OP. You said that he said he would support you and then in the next line you say that he didn't. Was the decision to have an abortion one you made on your own, or a joint decision? Did he want to keep the baby? Because based on what you have written it sounds like he did offer support, you weren't convinced and had the abortion. Not criticizing you for this, but maybe this is where the problem stems from. If he's saying he can't trust you, is it because you didn't believe him when he said he would support you?

Another day

Please arrange some counselling for yourself. You made a tough choice and regardless of your partners feelings you need to deal with your own.

Does he blame you for getting pregnant? Or for making a choice based on your current circumstances? Either way you feel he wasn't going to support you fully and you did what you felt was right.

It is an extremely difficult time for both of you and you both need to talk it through.

seenitall

Hi OP,

I'm sorry but it really sounds like your relationship with this man is over. Believe me, the minute you feel you have to resort to begging, ignoring or treating someone mean just to get their attention, one thing you should know is that this person, whatever he may say, doesn't care. So let that sink in. He doesn't care. It is really for the best that you didn't have a baby with him, you know that. What you thought was there between the two of you from February on, just isn't. He wants to be friends, which is code for "I am SO done." You are not the first or the last person in the world to mistake lust and infatuation for love and a genuine connection, it's part of many, many people's experience.

You will be fine, OP. But now you need to stop trying to flog a dead horse. Get some counselling around your decision to abort, spend time with your kids, heal. And move on.

Best wishes.