Getting married in another county

Esdras_

Hello, new to boards here.

Myself and my partner are getting married in 2018. I'm from the South East, she is from Wicklow.

We are getting married in Mayo, as we both love the venue and from the first time we stayed there, we decided this would be the place.

However, this has not gone down well with Herself's family, who have been downright abusive to her for choosing to get married outside of the county, to the extent where they have said that none of the family will travel and they (read her mother) won't go unless we change the venue to a local one.

I can't see the issue here; my sisters were married abroad (one in Germany, one in Singapore). This is what we want, and its a three hour drive, not an international trek.

What do people here think?

Btw, we are planning on having the ceremony in the afternoon, and then having a two and a half hour break so people can go back to their hotels, relax, eat a bit if they want and then settle in an evening party.

solerina

It's your wedding, do whatever suits ye, don't let anyone bully ye into doing what they want, I am sure her family will cop on eventually !! If ye want Mayo then Mayo it should be !!

Mrs OBumble

If they're like this over the wedding, imagine what they'll be like over grandkids: they'll probably want you living in the same estate!

If she doesnt have what it takes to make them behave, then escape while you still can.

scarepanda

Your first lesson in the political landscape of wedding planning!

Op, do whatever makes your self and your oh happy. Plan the day ye want!
If, when the day arrives, they actually carry through on their threat to not attend, then that reflects very badly on them. But I would bet on it that the 'what would the neighbours think' mentality is at the root of this, and equally it will come into play on the day and they will attend - because what would the neighbours think if they didn't attend their own daughter's wedding?!
You will have many more battles over the next few months!

rainbowtrout

You can of course have whatever kind of wedding you want, but you are also asking presumably guests from both sides of the family to make the trek to Mayo. Nobody wins here in terms of being able to go home from a local reception. Everyone is travelling.

The three hour break in the middle of the day is what I'd be curious about: are you not having a reception of sorts at the hotel? Given that all of your guests have to travel to Mayo for the wedding, it seems a little stingy to expect them all to fcuk off for three hours and then turn up again later in the evening.

Any wedding I've been to in the last ten years has had some sort of basic reception in the hotel, with some sort of drinks and canapes etc.

While your fiance's family might be a little heavy handed with their ultimatum and I don't think you should bow to ultimatum's regarding weddings, it might be worth giving some thought to all of the guests who have to travel.

appledrop

Your never going to keep everyone happy. If she has it where she is from then your family would have to do all the travelling. If the venue you like is in Mayo then go for it. However I'm a bit concerned reading your post again about the 'break' into between + you saying people can do there own thing. Does that mean there will be no reception/ dinner at the wedding? Because if that's the case + your asking everyone to travel for 3 hours then I have to say I wouldn't be going.

Esdras_

Thanks guys.

With regard to the reception, there is of course one. But we are looking to have a bit of break before it kicks off so people can relax, freshen up after the drive/church.

Given that people will be driving, they will all be staying in hotels/b&bs locally, we want to give them to check in properly and get ready for the wedding breakfast.

nuckeythompson

Mrs OBumble wrote:

If she doesnt have what it takes to make them behave, then escape while you still can.

Good advice

rainbowtrout

Esdras_ wrote: »

Thanks guys.

With regard to the reception, there is of course one. But we are looking to have a bit of break before it kicks off so people can relax, freshen up after the drive/church.

Given that people will be driving, they will all be staying in hotels/b&bs locally, we want to give them to check in properly and get ready for the wedding breakfast.

Honestly it doesn't take 2.5 hours to check in. If people want to chill in their rooms then they can, but don't be stingy have nothing there in the hotel for them after the church.

If you are from the south east (presumably Wexford or Waterford) then they will have at least a four hour drive. Some of your guests might travel the night before. I would expect that families on both sides would anyway. Please look after your guests if you expect them to travel long distance.

Esdras_

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Honestly it doesn't take 2.5 hours to check in. If people want to chill in their rooms then they can, but don't be stingy have nothing there in the hotel for them after the church.

If you are from the south east (presumably Wexford or Waterford) then they will have at least a four hour drive. Some of your guests might travel the night before. I would expect that families on both sides would anyway. Please look after your guests if you expect them to travel long distance.

There are only 10 rooms in the venue where the reception is.

They will be staying in hotels close to the venue, but no at it.

We will have a bar there for people who turn up early, but we won't be formally starting the reception a couple of hours after the service.

eviltwin

I think this goes way beyond your wedding day mate, as MrsOB says what will they be like in other aspects of your life? You are not just marrying her, you are marrying into her family and you need to nip this kind of controlling interference on the head now or you might be setting yourself up for a life of stress with the inlaws.

nuckeythompson

I've been around the block a few times. When you marry someone your becoming part of their family (why I like foreign girls). You will have to put up with this **** for the next ten years (approx length of an Irish marriage) so think carefully. I pulled out last minute and I thank God every day I did. Biggest reason was I couldn't stand her family and the hold and influence they had over her was rotten to the core. I nearly took up golf rather than go to those Sunday dinners. What I would advise is say exactly what you think of their behaviour to them now. It'll make it easier in the long run. You don't have to be liked by your in laws

appledrop

I'm sorry to say it but in my opinion this changes everything. This is a pain in the arse for guests + very selfish to pick such a venue when everyone has to travel. All your guests now have to get taxis to the venue because they can't leave their cars there if their not staying or want a drink before your reception Then they also have to get taxis home again in the evening. I'd never go to a wedding if I can't stay over. I like to be able to go up to my room when ever I want. You also can't be with your guests the next morning at breakfast. The mind boggles why people pick such venues.

Esdras_

appledrop wrote: »

I'm sorry to say it but in my opinion this changes everything. This is a pain in the arse for guests + very selfish to pick such a venue when everyone has to travel. All your guests now have to get taxis to the venue because they can't leave their cars there if their not staying or want a drink before your reception Then they also have to get taxis home again in the evening. I'd never go to a wedding if I can't stay over. I like to be able to go up to my room when ever I want. You also can't be with your guests the next morning at breakfast. The mind boggles why people pick such venues.

We have transport to / from all the local hotels arranged, so the guests can get there and back. If the guests find that too inconvenient, they are free not to accept but having been to this type of arrangement myself a few times, I've always enjoyed it.

There is a balance between giving guests time after the event and going straight into the reception, esp as many of the guests will have done a drive up. There will be open bar all night, so we are taking care of our family and friends, but in our view, giving them some time between ceremony and reception works better then forcing them into the reception too soon. Some people will want food, others may want to change (winter wedding), others may want to start drinking straight away and they can do that.

hairyslug

I've been to weddings where the hotel only had rooms for the direct party and never had a problem with it, just make sure transport to and from the other b&bs and hotels are sorted. I've also been to weddings on the opposite side of the country (couple was from Meath, wedding in Buncrana) and there was no issue with people travelling (if they want to go, they go, if they don't, well there's nothing you can do) I've also preferred the fact that there is a gap between the service and reception, tbh I thought this was standard, gives people a chance to mingle and have a chat.

With your partner's family, honestly don't know what to say, is it an empty childish threat or will they go through with it.

Nervous Wreck

appledrop wrote: »

I'm sorry to say it but in my opinion this changes everything. This is a pain in the arse for guests + very selfish to pick such a venue when everyone has to travel. All your guests now have to get taxis to the venue because they can't leave their cars there if their not staying or want a drink before your reception Then they also have to get taxis home again in the evening. I'd never go to a wedding if I can't stay over. I like to be able to go up to my room when ever I want. You also can't be with your guests the next morning at breakfast. The mind boggles why people pick such venues.

So precious.

GingerLily

The 2/3 hour break is ridiculous, you'll end up just lookin cheap if you don't have something available for your guests!

GingerLily

Just to add - tea/ coffee and sandwiches would be enough, but you have nothing is very inconsiderate!

Faith

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

So precious.

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Faith

Personally speaking, I LOVE weddings. I find them joyous and wonderful and full of happiness. But a wedding set up like you're describing would really put me off, and I'd be unlikely to attend.

Guests are facing:

• A three-hour drive (so leaving in the early morning, which means potentially getting up at the crack of dawn to get ready), or
• Staying overnight the night before (extra expense)
• No on-site accommodation (off-putting to many)
• Relying on buses or taxis to get to/from their hotel (off-putting to many)

I feel like you're asking too much, personally. It would be inconvenient for me, as a guest, in every way - most of all, in expense. And then you suggest basically abandoning your guests for several hours, for no real reason. The fact that you have that amount of free time in the afternoon suggests an early ceremony, which increases the inconvenience of the drive!

So, for me, unless you were family or extremely close friend, I wouldn't attend due to those factors.

jlm29

What time are you getting married at?
I would have thought that having your ceremony a bit later in the day to allow for the big drive up to mayo would make more sense than having a big gap between the ceremony and the meal.
That way, people don't have to travel the night before, can still arrive in reasonable time, and get checked in etc before the wedding!

tickingclock

jlm29 wrote: »

What time are you getting married at?
I would have thought that having your ceremony a bit later in the day to allow for the big drive up to mayo would make more sense than having a big gap between the ceremony and the meal.
That way, people don't have to travel the night before, can still arrive in reasonable time, and get checked in etc before the wedding![/quote

This makes complete sense. Great idea having it later in the day so guests don't have to pay for two nights accommodation. The worst weddings I were at had a long gap between the church and meal without any food. Don't envy you with those in laws. As a guest I wouldn't mid the distance but I would mind that gap after the church.