What to do?

Bredabe

Quite a few years ago, I worked in a small office with two youngsters, they seemed nice enough but behaved badly towards me as the boss told them it was ok.

Fast forward, I see that this company is sponsoring an initiative I'm running in my current job, so it would look strange if I wasn't at the announcement, so overwhelming odds that I will run into my ex colleagues.

One of them has since passed away and it seems they were badly hit by her passing.

Here is my question, even tho I *knew she would die of this disease and that she had passed, do I act shocked when im told or do I coolly say "I know"?

*The youngster in question has told us of her family history of the disease and how it had disseminated her family, additional to her casualness around lifestyle choices which are known to exacerbate it, also one of my girls saw her death announcement when it happened.

I suppose what I want to do is seem like I hadn't given them or the job a seconds though since I left, any other impression and they will use it to validate their actions towards me when I was there.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Then you genuinely can say "yes, I had heard" and add "sad!".

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

https://youtu.be/biArkwUaURA

freshpopcorn

Just so you heard and it's terrible, they were lovely!

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

I think you are completely over-thinking the whole situation.

Bredabe

Khalid Tiny Business wrote: »

I think you are completely over-thinking the whole situation.

Nope, I'm really not.

Bredabe

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Just so you heard and it's terrible, they were lovely!

Sadly, not that good a lier.

Hrududu

Bredabe wrote: »

Sadly, not that good a lier.

Be the bigger person.

gramar

Just say you had heard she had died as opposed to 'passed' to avoid any confusion.

KERSPLAT!

Bredabe wrote: »

Nope, I'm really not.

You really really are.

"Hey there, did you hear xxx passed away?"

"Yeah, I heard. Awful news"

Come on, get a grip.

judeboy101

The phrase "karma's a bitch" springs to mind.

osarusan

Bredabe wrote: »

I suppose what I want to do is seem like I hadn't given them or the job a seconds though since I left, any other impression and they will use it to validate their actions towards me when I was there.

It was quite a few years ago, The whole experience may not have stayed in their memory in the way it has in yours. Maybe they won't care at all, and are different people now to what they were then.

Either way, all you have to do is say, "Yes, I remember hearing about that. Very sad" and then move on to something or somebody else.

EDIT: and you better hope they don't see this thread.

Right2Write

Honesty is the best policy. Treat them civilly but no more that what is needed in terms of the needs of your current employer.

GerryDerpy

Tell them you didn't even know they were sick.

JennyZ

Khalid Tiny Business wrote: »

Then you genuinely can say "yes, I had heard" and add "sad!".

+1. Not a lot you can say apart from this. You seem to be over thinking this a lot.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Bredabe wrote: »

Nope, I'm really not.

Oh come on! Of course you are. People move on in life all the time.

nullzero

Do you really need advice on this?

Is it right to buy a Chrysler?

blueser

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

You really really are.

"Hey there, did you hear xxx passed away?"

"Yeah, I heard. Awful news"

Come on, get a grip.

Well said. The OP is making a mountain out of a molehill. As several have already said, just confirm that you'd heard she died/passed away (your choice how you put it) and that it's a shame. The usual platitudes.

cml387

As is usually the case in these situations, I'd ask "What would the Hoff do?".

messy tessy

Bredabe wrote: »

I suppose what I want to do is seem like I hadn't given them or the job a seconds though since I left, any other impression and they will use it to validate their actions towards me when I was there.

You are way way over thinking it!

snowflaker

Say "Sorry for your loss" and move on

Bredabe

Thank you all for your comments, the event was earlier this week and was just as painful as expected.

Ex boss told me I had gotten fat and asked me how "I" had gotten a degree since I "left"?
Ex colleague cried when she mentioned the late one and told me it was my fault as she had soo much to do once I left, (tho I carried her in the job when I was there), that it brought the illness on. Armed with the advice from here I was able condole which was responded to with "WHO would have told you". Tho I was only ever 30 mins away from them.

Whole thing makes me so glad im away from them, now at least im paid to deal with nutters(technical term)

gramar

Bredabe wrote: »

Thank you all for your comments, the event was earlier this week and was just as painful as expected.

Ex boss told me I had gotten fat and asked me how "I" had gotten a degree since I "left"?
Ex colleague cried when she mentioned the late one and told me it was my fault as she had soo much to do once I left, (tho I carried her in the job when I was there), that it brought the illness on. Armed with the advice from here I was able condole which was responded to with "WHO would have told you". Tho I was only ever 30 mins away from them.

Whole thing makes me so glad im away from them, now at least im paid to deal with nutters(technical term)

Sounds like you had a gay old time there. When's the next reunion?

WoollyRedHat

snowflaker wrote: »

Say "Sorry for your loss" and move on

Bredabe

gramar wrote: »

Sounds like you had a gay old time there. When's the next reunion?

LoL! next time I feel I've done something really bad, I'll call into them for additional insults.

tigger123

I think you need a bit of perspective OP. It's a job you used to work in. With a person who has since passed away. You shouldn't be wasting your energy thinking about it.

Bredabe

tigger123 wrote: »

I think you need a bit of perspective OP. It's a job you used to work in. With a person who has since passed away. You shouldn't be wasting your energy thinking about it.

Didn't think about it, till I saw who had contributed, then had a slight panic as I dont like social situations at best and not at all when I know it will be like that! as I said, shows me no matter how crazy my job is now, better than that form of gentile terrorism.

The Backwards Man

If a situation can't be addressed by the phrases 'that's the main thing' or 'be good' then it's not worth addressing at all

alberto67

Just tell them "It's sad". You'll be grand, don't overthink it.

gramar

alberto67 wrote: »

Just tell them "It's sad". You'll be grand, don't overthink it.

Read posts #1 and #22.

alberto67

gramar wrote: »

Read posts #1 and #22.

Thank you, welcome to Boards :-)

biko

If you get roped into conversation

Fake a cough.
Leave room.
Go home.

gramar

alberto67 wrote: »

Thank you, welcome to Boards :-)

Welcome back.

Wossack

I suppose what I want to do is seem like I hadn't given them or the job a seconds though since I left, any other impression and they will use it to validate their actions towards me when I was there.

lol

Roger Hassenforder

Bredabe wrote: »

Ex boss told me I had gotten fat and asked me how "I" had gotten a degree since I "left"?
Ex colleague cried when she mentioned the late one and told me it was my fault as she had soo much to do once I left

What a pair of pathetic miserable helpless cnutz.
You're better off shot of them.
Move on, they're the ones with issues.

LushiousLips

Bredabe wrote: »

Ex colleague cried when she mentioned the late one and told me it was my fault as she had soo much to do once I left, (tho I carried her in the job when I was there), that it brought the illness on.

Pity they didn't bring the coroners report to back up their findings :rolleyes:

Hannibal_Smith

Bredabe wrote: »

Thank you all for your comments, the event was earlier this week and was just as painful as expected.

Ex boss told me I had gotten fat and asked me how "I" had gotten a degree since I "left"?
Ex colleague cried when she mentioned the late one and told me it was my fault as she had soo much to do once I left, (tho I carried her in the job when I was there), that it brought the illness on. Armed with the advice from here I was able condole which was responded to with "WHO would have told you". Tho I was only ever 30 mins away from them.

Whole thing makes me so glad im away from them, now at least im paid to deal with nutters(technical term)

What??!! Really? Where did you work? Did these people ever see the outside before? How did you get out, by digging a tunnel?

fizzypish

Bredabe wrote: »

Thank you all for your comments, the event was earlier this week and was just as painful as expected.

Ex boss told me I had gotten fat and asked me how "I" had gotten a degree since I "left"?
Ex colleague cried when she mentioned the late one and told me it was my fault as she had soo much to do once I left, (tho I carried her in the job when I was there), that it brought the illness on. Armed with the advice from here I was able condole which was responded to with "WHO would have told you". Tho I was only ever 30 mins away from them.

Whole thing makes me so glad im away from them, now at least im paid to deal with nutters(technical term)

Right. Either they're a bunch of ***** or you are or you all are or the whole story is fabricated. Someones a **** in this story. Anyway, you didn't like the woman. She died, its sad but you didn't like her. No effect on your life.

Winterlong

I can't believe that someone would say it is your fault that the person died because they had an increased workload after you left the company.

Did they actually say that or insinuate that?

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

alberto67 wrote: »

Just tell them "It's sad". You'll be grand, don't overthink it.

It's over and done with already.

Bredabe

fizzypish wrote: »

Right. Either they're a bunch of ***** or you are or you all are or the whole story is fabricated. Someones a **** in this story. Anyway, you didn't like the woman. She died, its sad but you didn't like her. No effect on your life.

She was the best of a bad lot, if she hadn't had kids early in life, I believe she would have left the job before it killed her. She was the only one who tried to comfort me when things there were at their worst, but when it came down to it, her loyalties where with the other two. Its not that I didn't like her and wasn't shocked when she died, she was far far too young as were her daughters. but my life moved on and I knew meeting these two again would mean they would be up to their old tricks. Thats what was making me anxious as well.

Im glad you never experienced this kind of thing and so assume its fabricated, but its not, and since the announcement its gotten worse.

Bredabe

Winterlong wrote: »

I can't believe that someone would say it is your fault that the person died because they had an increased workload after you left the company.

Did they actually say that or insinuate that?

That exactly what she said, it was decided when I worked with them, that it was OK to talk to me like that as I was the only one on staff without a degree and so needed "straight talking".
This one's boss has no filters and obv this one has had to behave the same way to avoid her boss having a go at her too.

Bredabe

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

What??!! Really? Where did you work? Did these people ever see the outside before? How did you get out, by digging a tunnel?

Lol, they do exit through a tunnel, and are in the media a lot for their specific field, they just a nasty nasty pair of b*(&h^s.

Glenster

Bredabe wrote: »

Quite a few years ago, I worked in a small office with two youngsters, they seemed nice enough but behaved badly towards me as the boss told them it was ok.
........
I suppose what I want to do is seem like I hadn't given them or the job a seconds though since I left, any other impression and they will use it to validate their actions towards me when I was there.

by them do you mean the two 'youngsters'?

because id hazard a guess that they don't remember you.

You're over thinking it.

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

KERSPLAT!

Fairytales

Bredabe

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

Fairytales

You dont believe that women can be bitchy to each other?
even when there is alcohol and status involved?

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

vegetables

Be very nice and give them the stink-palm.

Winterlong

Patww79 wrote: »

It's annoying enough when posters do this, but moderators should show more impartiality and decorum. Why would anyone post anything if people immediately just call it lies?

Moderators can be posters too with real opinions.
And they did give it a good week before declaring it to be fairytales.

Capt'n Midnight

cml387 wrote: »

As is usually the case in these situations, I'd ask "What would the Hoff do?".

If it's the Hoff there's no hassle