I cheated on my husband, ashamed of myself

no.09876

Please, I need advice... I'm in my mid 30's and married with children. I love my husband and I regret deeply what I've done. I was on a work night out and got chatting to a couple who are not work colleagues. We ended up going back to their apartment where we had sex. It was incredible but afterwards I couldn't believe what I'd done and felt ashamed, guilty and disgusted with myself. I got home earlier than expected and haven't said anything to my husband even though the guilt is tearing me apart inside. I don't know why I did it... I don't even consider myself bisexual. I love my husband dearly and don't want to loose him. I love him so much. If I didn't tell him for the sake of our family.. Should I just keep this to myself and let this pain be my punishment?

Armchair Andy

If it were me I'd say nothing. You seem like you know you did wrong, it was a mistake.
Learn from it and move on.
If it does happen again then you need to seriously review your family situation imo.

Protogeometric Pottery

I would let him know, and let him make up his mind how he wants to proceed.

368100

If you're 100% sure that it won't happen again I'd say nothing.

There must have been something to drive you to do this though. ...is there an issue in your marriage or was this a curious itch that you had to scratch?

Steviesol

Shame is no use. Everyone makes mistakes, put it down to experience and move on.

boardsuser1

I had a sexual relationship with a married woman many years ago, the husband was told in the end, he didn't take it very well.

OP don't say anything. It seems like you were curious and that curiosity has now been satisfied.

Toots

Did you use condoms/protection OP?

lifeandtimes

Im sorry but I feel the advice is wrong.

You need to tell your husband,he has a right to know and to decide if he wants to stay with someone who has broken his trust and can't commit to him.

The advice here is don't let him know and suffer in silence but then that means you can do it again and suffer in silence...and again...and again...

Let the man know and be honest and it will then be up to him if he wants to save the marriage,it is not your choice anymore as you have made the wrong choice regarding your marriage and it is up to him to make the right one.

If he wants to save it then great, if not you will need to accept that decision

Airyfairy12

Not once did you consider your husband or kids and the effects these action would have on them. If your husband had gone off and had a threesome or slept with somebody on a night out how would you feel? Id imagine youd be disgusted and your life would be turned upside down. Would you want to know if the tables where turned?

If kids weren't involved id encourage you to tell your husband as he has every right to know whats gone on behind his back but this information wont just affect him, it effects your kids too, the choices you make now will drastically effect their futures, their security, how they view and deal with relationships and its something they'll carry with them for the rest of their lives. Kids might seem resilient but they absorb everything and it'll affect them down the line.
For the sake of the kids I wouldnt say anything, they shouldnt have to suffer for your silly mistake but if you find yourself cheating on your partner again then you need to tell him and let him decide what he wants to do.

Wompa1

"It was incredible"

It was sex. You risked your family for sex.

ArnieSilvia

Say nothing and next time bring your man with you to play with friends If you liked it maybe he would too?

Exclamation Marc

Put simply, put yourself in his shoes. If he cheated on you, would you want to know?

If my other half cheated on me, I'd like to know so I could make my own decisions. After all, guilt can sometimes be easy to see.

JMNolan

Oddly enough you aren't the first woman to post here looking for advice after cheating with another couple

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057646613

OK.

You know something I hate? When people say "everyone makes mistakes".

This wasn't a mistake. I've said it before, but if you look at the actual process behind everything involved; the OP went home with the couple (assuming a few minutes trip), probably chatted with the couple, and then engaged in intercourse with them. It might seem odd to state this as such, but the reality is that there were many times where the OP could have said, "you know, this is a bad idea. I love my husband. I have kids. I shouldn't be doing this".

But they didn't.

It's not a mistake. So stop trying to claim it was.

OP - if you actually love your husband, you'd tell him. If you respect him, you'd tell him. If you actually felt bad, you'd tell him.

Katgurl

I don't know if you should tell your husband or not.

But i do know there is a reason you did this and you have to figure out why.

Have you considered counselling?

Protogeometric Pottery

Katgurl wrote: »

I don't know if you should tell your husband or not.

But i do know there is a reason you did this and you have to figure out why.

Have you considered counselling?

The reason she did it is the same reason people eat fast food, she wanted pleasure, her pleasure was her priority, not her husband or her family.

I think it's horrific to allow your husband to go on to live a life of delusion.

power pants

Surprised at all the responses saying to say nothing. Need to tell him I think.

As previous poster said, don't tell him and you've set yourself a precedent. you can sleep with whoever you like behind his back as long as you feel a little guilty afterwards it's fine.

"The sex was wonderful "

Not a hope in hell you won't be back having sex with them again.