Singledom

LegacyUser

Hi Boardsies,
OK here goes, long-time reader and always find people usually get sound advice on here. Late 40s lady, been in relationship in my 20's and 30s, some long term and some short-term but never really met the right person to settle down with. Right now, I'm not bemoaning my single status, Im not looking for another person to date or be with, just getting back to me, doing what I want and have been for the past few years. Have

However my problem is, most people I know are in relationships, are married, have families so the conversation always circles back to their partner, their life together, their kids, their lives etc. Mostly I'm fine with it but once their conversation has finished I get the head tilt and the awkward 'how are you' as if they don't quite know what to say to me.

I've just noticed it more and more in the past few years to the point where I can only listen to so many partner stories/what a wonderful weekend they had altogether and have started actively avoiding certain social situations to prevent myself getting upset. I generally end up sitting at home crying after alot of these interactions and feeling super **** about myself and my life. I just wish to be able to interact better in these situation and not let it affect me as much as its just been grinding me down. Any words of advice?

Wesser

Do you have interesting things going on in your life? E.g. trips abroad and stuff like that?
If so... tell them about it... that's one way to dispel the awkward feeling....

Wesser

Do you have interesting things going on in your life? E.g. trips abroad and stuff like that?
If so... tell them about it... that's one way to dispel the awkward feeling....

rcarroll

I find the people that talk loudest about how great their life is are usually not telling the whole truth. Ppl sometimes go on in public about how great a weekend they had, or how happy they are with their partner, and it's to half-convince themselves...you never know what goes on really and I'd guarantee it's not as great as they portray.

Also, don't you get sick of listening to the same stories or ppl whose lives are only based around their partner and how wonderful it is to be in a relationship? I don't feel jealous of that, I feel pity...I'd much rather have an exciting life, with adventures, friends, meetups for coffee, sports, holidays, new courses...all the stuff that's easier to do while single..and I guarantee you if you start expanding your circle and getting more going on in your life, you'll feel less insecure and stop comparing yourself. Also, it'll make them jealous when you tell them those fun stories next time you meet up

leggo

Yeah, the trick to this is mindframe. Like I know a good friend of mine who's going through all the 'rites of passage' for the first time: just had a baby and all that comes with that, buying a house, starting to think about a wedding etc. He's delighted with life and, as his friend, I'm delighted for him and that it's all coming together nicely. But it scares the crap out of me too when I imagine it for me. I love life the way it is and wouldn't trade if I could, which means that I can be happy for others without feeling bad about myself. Even if someone was to get bitchy or judgey, I'd have a list of things right back that's probably in their life that I'd see as a total nightmare. It's all perspective.

So ask yourself why this upsets you. Is it because you're telling yourself you're okay when you're not? If that's the case, getting proactive about it is your answer and, in that, within a couple of months you could be in the throes of a new relationship and making everyone else jealous. Or is it because these people are deliberately making you feel like crap? Because if that's the case then a mere friend upgrade could be your solution, and also help you with the 'enjoy your life' part that we spoke about above.

professore

There are loads of newly divorced and separated people your age with car crash marriages behind them and broke into the bargain, or living in miserable marriages. Count yourself lucky to not be among them. Many people like to make you feel bad so they can feel better. Don't take any notice of them.

Katgurl

I am a little younger but found my mid 30's v.tough for a period - i was constantly surrounded by newborns, second pregnancies, marriagenanniversaries.

It was tough. I felt lonely and sometimes that my ljfe was pointless. I wondered why other people had matched up but not me.

Anyway i became quite mercenary about who i spent time with. I decided i could still care about friends but if being the only unattached childless girl at a brunch was gonna upset me then i would choose to do something else.

It worked fantastically. I haven't lost any friends probably because i really mean it when i ask jow things are going. I appreciate everything i have in my life that they don't have. I feel genuinely happy and that is apparent to people.

Life is short and it's a gift. Surround yourself with hobbies and people that make you feel happy. Suit yourself more.

LegacyUser

Hi All, Thanks for the replies, yes I do plan really exciting adventures and trips, loads n loads of hobbies and am constantly busy but invariably due to the amount of friends with kids/husbands the conversation always circles back to their lives and I find I have very little to add. Its natural for them to talk about their little ones/their lives but I just dont get the same engagement so feel alienated to a point.

I do need to take a further step back and focus more on me, not go to meet ups where I know the topic of conversation will be just babies/husbands, perhaps I shouldn't engage too much until I'm in a stronger mind set. A tiny part of me wishes things had worked out differently so thats why it does hurt, I thought I had accepted my singledom but maybe deep down Im just still grieving for what could have been... lots of food for thought.