Very concerned about parent - morbidly obese and binge eating

LegacyUser

I am hoping people here can give me advice on how to help my Dad. He has been morbidly obese since he was about 30. He is now in his late sixties. Over the years he has tried so many different diets and plans - and he has lost stones on most of them but always put it back on plus more. What he eats in front of people is all very healthy. But, myself and my mother know he binge eats. Entire boxes of cereal etc. would be gone in one evening when he's home alone.

His health is terrible and he has had so many scares - including one very serious one that should have been a wake up call.

I am scared for him and not sure how to help. I think confronting him about it would not be good as he is very sensitive and I feel being direct may do more harm than good.

Any suggestions?

BrokenWingz

In my view all you can do is express concern for his health. Bodywhys.ie has a downloadable booklet that you might find informative, although until your dad is ready to make changes I don't think it will make any difference.

I have been morbidly obese more than once, lost large amounts of weight, and gained it back plus more each time. What I learned eventually is that so much of my binge eating is driven by emotions - bored, sad, upset, stressed, lonely, happy, anxious etc. If someone tried to interfere I did not take it well and once threatened to never speak to someone if they continued to criticise my weight. I am working out my own path, but it is about emotions and not food for me. This may or may not be true for your dad, but the one thing I know is that until I was ready to work on it NOTHING anyone said would make me change my ways.

nikkibikki

Does he buy the stuff in the shop himself? Don't have the stuff in the house. Have the whole house go on a health kick. Swap the corn flakes for shredded wheat.

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ManOfMystery

I think sometimes in a situation like this, where health scares and so on have had no effect, you have to be pretty blunt and tell him exactly what you're telling us.

If he's sensitive and it hurts his feelings, tough - it's better than being dead. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. 

I fear though at his age and the fact the scares have had no effect, you'll be fighting a losing battle. People generally find it harder to change their ways as they get older, and losing weight in particular is not as easy as when you're 20.

La.de.da

Binge eating is a really hard habit to break. Like others say here you can only express your concerns. And advise your dad to get professional help.
At the end of the day, you can't be with him 24/7 so he needs to make the decision to change for himself.

LegacyUser

Hi and thank you for taking the time to reply.

I agree with the comments that said it needs to be his choice to stop.

chooey

I agree with the others in that you can't control what he eats and does. Trust me, I know from experience. My mam was the same and unfortunately she passed away suddenly last year from a heart attack when I was pregnant with my first baby. I was always afraid of this happening and tried so many times to help her change her diet and exercise. I wish I'd been more direct with her but who knows if it would have worked but if I had my time again with her, that's what I'd do