Work colleagues ignore me

LegacyUser

I had a serious row with a colleague. It was partly resolved but then he exploded at me one day. We ended up having to go into HR with it. I asked a colleague to go with me. I texted a few people in on what happened. Mistake.
Since then four colleagues have taken to blanking me.More to do with the HR meeting than anything else. I tried giving them my side of the story but they would not hear it. I have found it hard to deal with this. I hate having people ignore me . However none of the four are perfect.

What do I do?

SB_Part2

I would talk to your manager.

GingerLily

It sounds like your colleagues think your a trouble maker, without knowing more of the situation it's hard to tell it your getting bullied or if there's something else going on.

Xterminator

Hi Op

Can you clarify does this ignoring you mean on a personal level or work related issues?
Does this affect your ability to do your job? Are they ignoring legitimate work collaboration tasks?

if its just personal stuff, id be inclined to get on with my work, and let it all blow over. document any thing that happens that is out of line, but if your just getting the cold shoulder, then your a big boy/girl and you can just get on with it.

However if it affects your work, then i would be documenting, gathering evidence and chatting with your manager asap. Get in their 1st with your version of the events.

Ursus Horribilis

I've yet to see an encounter with HR that led to everyone living happily ever after. That's purely anecdotal though. Nobody likes HR in my experience. Unfortunately the person who brings them into the situation can be viewed as a troublemaker or a snitch. That's not to say you weren't right to bring them in but that's how you'll be viewed.

In terms of your friendships with them, they're most likely dead and gone. If their behaviour is impinging on how you do your job, then you might need to go to your manager. I'm afraid you can't make people like you again though, sorry. Maybe in time it'll blow over but that's the best you can hope for.

MissShihTzu

Unfortunately, I don't think the situation is going to improve. Once HR are involved, right or wrong people are not going to take this well. Colleagues blanking you is childish and smacks of playground bullying.

I think the best thing to do is to cut your losses and look for alternative employment. It's not right or fair but for the sake of your sanity, leave and leave your colleagues to it.

Big Bag of Chips

My understanding of it is you had a run in with 1 colleague. You asked another to go with you to a HR meeting as a witness, as is your entitlement, but you then also involved a few other colleagues who had nothing to do with anything.

I'd say that's why people are ignoring you. They are not involved, and don't want to be involved in whatever is going on between you and the other colleague. And I think that's understandable. If you want to repair friendships or maintain some sort of relationship with these people I suggest you apologise to them for involving them in something that they had no need to be involved in.

Regardless of what your grievance is, sending it on to others not involved, in written form, is not fair, and can - as you are finding out - land you in trouble.

Steviesol

I suppose you are there to work, and what people think of you is absolutely none of your business. Best of luck

TheChizler

Are you trying to bring them over to your side whenever you talk to them? Maybe to them whenever you talk to them they think you're trying to involve them in something they want no part of. As above, I'd suggest either apologise for trying to involve them in your dispute and forget about it with them, and just forget about it entirely with them and talk to them about other things.

Paddy Cow

Buddyhollow wrote: »

I had a serious row with a colleague. It was partly resolved but then he exploded at me one day. We ended up having to go into HR with it. I asked a colleague to go with me. I texted a few people in on what happened. Mistake.
Since then four colleagues have taken to blanking me.More to do with the HR meeting than anything else. I tried giving them my side of the story but they would not hear it. I have found it hard to deal with this. I hate having people ignore me . However none of the four are perfect.

What do I do?

Yourself and your colleague did the right thing by going to HR when you couldn't resolve it amongst yourselves. If your other colleague was happy to join you, that's ok. You should not have texted anyone else. You admit that was a mistake but there's a bit of denial going on after that. Your colleagues are probably ignoring you because they do not want to be involved. Texting others and then trying to tell your side creates drama and most people want to avoid that like the plague.

The other four may not be perfect but that's beside the point. You created this situation and the only way you can try and salvage it is like BBOC said - apologise to them. You could say something along the lines of "I'm sorry for involving you in the situation with me and X. I shouldn't have done that and I would like to move on from it". Kept it short and sweet and don't start again trying to justify yourself. It will take a while for your colleagues to get over it but if you keep acting professionally, it will happen.

At least you've learned a valuable lesson - never ever involve other colleagues in a dispute with one person. It makes you look like you are creating drama and gossip.

rbag

Texting others not involved could be construed from a HR viewpoint as attempting to gang up on the person you had the issue with.

No such thing as friends at work.