may aswell be single

LegacyUser

Long story short im with my boyfriend four years and he has his own small business he doesent get home from work until 8 in the evening, and his recked every night cant do much as his so tired, now he has started to work Saturdays aswell he doesent need to but he wants to, and its awful as i seem to spend every minute of the day by myself i see other couples in coffee shops and shops enjoying themselves while i sit by myself everywhere and spend all day Saturdays by myself, we moved to a town for cheap rent so i dont know anyone around, he has not took one day of so far this year and im just so bored of it weekend nights his so tired his usually asleep before 11 once again im sat on my own watching tv i may aswell be single any advice please

bee06

Have you talked to him about this?

blinkwink

I agree with bee06, try talking with him. With regards to not knowing anyone around, are there classes or clubs in the town to meet people?

jimd2

I agree you need to chat about it. Also get a feel for his longer term ambitions for the business and also for your relationship. His business may be one that needs a lot of upfront development and then the involvement is downhill after that. I know someone developing a business and it has completely taken over his life but he is in the position of not being in a long term relationship and others are doing the family "heavy lifting". His business needs complete focus for a few years or the opportunity will be missed and I reckon he will sell on after that.

You also need to glean as best you can where you (think) you fall into his longer term plans. Things can change but there is a possibility that he doesnt hold you on a pedestal like he would his long term partner / wife and move on once he has more time to concentrate on that part of his life. A friend of mine a few years ago was studying and was very dedicated to it and had a girlfriend who stuck by him through it but he pretty well dumped her at the end of the course (I couldnt believe it!!).

Difficult ones to judge or discuss but, if ye are going to be a long term couple, you are going to need to discuss these things.

And I agree, definitely join a local club - athletics, cycling, drama etc.

LegacyUser

I would ask your boyfriend how is his business going and what are his plans for it?

Perhaps he has got a new contract or another business chance has come up so he is putting in the long hours now for a long term gain. See what he says when you ask him this.

I would then say to him that you are not happy with things between you at the moment. Remind him that he is working till 8 every evening and every Sat also and as result he is to tired to do anything int he evenings or at the weekends. I would also say to him that he not taken a day off since the start of the year and you and him have no holidays planned.

The reality is that if you are in a relationship you need to spend time with the other person and talk about what is going on in your life. You told us moved into a new town for cheap rent was this his idea or yours? After 4 years together have you talked about both your long term plans ie buy a house, getting married, having children?
Have you both built up savings in your own names towards this? If have saved money with him in a joint account I would contact the bank and ask what you need to do close this account down. Tell your boyfriend you want to close this account down to get out your share of the money back and to save it in your own name.

I think you moved to a new town for cheap rent and to live with him. My advice now is that you get involved in a few things in your local area to meet new people. I have seen people make boyfriends/girlfriends their whole life and then if things go wrong they have no friends or outside interests.
I would see what happens after you talk to him about the lack of effort he is making with you. If things don't improve I would tell him it is over.

Do you have work friends you could get out and about with

Ursus Horribilis

Is there anything you could do to help him out with his business and lighten the load?

Other than that, I can only repeat what the other have suggested. Talk to him and work at broadening your own social circle. It's not ideal to be depending on just one person for your social life anyway.

Xterminator

HI OP

i get that your feeling unloved right now. looking at the bigger picture, how many people have a partner that works this hard, in the hope that he can provide a good living later when all the hard work pays off?

now thats me giving you the glass 1/s full scenario. of course you are a little fed up. If you can have a chat, perhaps you can see what his plans are. this cannot go on forever, and you sound like you need a little reassurance.

I notice from your post you don't mention any friends. It is healthy for your relationship if you can have other interests and your partner is not your only social contact. Perhaps you can work on your social life now, get fit make a couple of friends and have another outlet; so your not alone all day every day. and that's something you wont be dependant on your partner for.

The_Conductor

Have you offered to work a few hours with him- perhaps in the evening?
It might take some of the pressure off him- and get you some together time- albeit in a work context?

Communication is key though- you have to both be singing off the same hymn sheet- it sounds like he is killing himself here- is there a reason his hours are so onerous?

BrokenWingz

I want to stress that I am not making light of your situation but I had a bit of a laugh.

I have a partner who for many years left for work at half six every morning, arrived home for tea anywhere between half seven and half nine at night. Saturdays he went off to play golf, Sundays he went in to the office to prepare for the coming week. I became so accustomed to having my own life that when he changed jobs and was around the house a lot I just wanted to send him away again.

As has been already said finding friends and interests to keep you occupied would go a long way to helping you cope better.

BrokenWingz

Sorry, double post

witchgirl26

OP I've been in a similar situation with a partner who works long hours, was studying at the weekends and permanently seemed to be tired from it all.

I agree with others who've said to have a chat to him about this. Let him know how you're feeling but do not do it in anger. Try to be calm and rationale about it otherwise it could end up in an argument neither actually want. It could be that in his drive to build his business to be successful he's become single-focused and just isn't seeing the problems the same way you are.

In terms of spending Saturdays alone and evenings too - I think some of this is on you. Not being harsh but it's good to have your own stuff to do separate to him. I know that's hard if you've moved to any area you don't know people in but maybe see if there are any clubs or groups locally that you could join. One of my friends moved to the middle of nowhere and joined the ICA just to get out and it turned out to be full of women her age (& a few older ones too) in a similar situation and loves it. I joined a choir and put my energy into that. Even if the idea of joining a group is too scary (which I get it can be for some people) look and see about a hobby you could get into that could take up time during the weekend. And also don't be afraid to be busy when he's free - you're entitled to have your stuff too and don't have to be free when he is just because he is.

Big Bag of Chips

I have a couple of friends just turned 30 who joined Macra! I always thought "Macra na Feirme" was just for old farmers, but these 2 love it. They have been on a few European trips and always seems to have something on somewhere. The age group is all similar and if Facebook is anything to go by, they seem to be having great craic!

Do talk to him. There's no point being in a relationship just to tick a box, if you don't actually spend time together. But at the same time, if he's not available at weekends, you can always make your own arrangements.

MartyMcFly84

You didn't mention in your post, do you work yourself? If not perhaps you could find a job that will keep you busy and earn some extra cash.

If you are working and just home earlier, you could go to the gym or join a class, start a course or find some other hobby, and will interest and benefit you while your husband is working. There is more to life as you say than sitting in front of the TV all night and wasting time.

I work in a different city to my girlfriend and only see her on the weekends (down on a Friday night up early Monday morning), normally I am not home until 10 or 11pm durning the week anyway so 8pm does not sound bad at all. Often I have to study over the weekends also. They key is to find your own happiness or entertainment and not to rely on your husband to do this most of the time. But make sure you do have some special time together each week.

You could maybe agree a date night during the weak or over the weekend, whether its actually going out or him coming home earlier that night and sitting down and having dinner together. You could even meet him at the cinema at walking spot or something so he doesn't have to come home first and save time.