Wedding doubts

Bobbles Smobbles · 14-07-2017 11:55pm #1

Hi,

It's the night before my wedding, I'm due to marry my childhood sweetheart tomorrow and I don't think I can go through with it.

I have spent the past few months panicking and feeling pressured into making this commitment. It's not that I don't love him. It's just I feel like Im not ready to stand up in front of my friends and family to say these vows and know in my heart that I don't really mean them.

My whole family love him, we have had no issues since getting engaged that have made me doubt him as a person or the type of husband/father that he will be.

My head is a mess I really don't know what to do!

I'm just looking for some advice. I know people say it's natural to feel nervous before you get married but it's so much more then that.

I feel like if I go through with it I will be making the biggest mistake of my life

Any advise would be much appreciated.

lilblackdress · 15-07-2017 12:10am

I got married recently and for the full month or two before I felt this way.... I even told him. The night before I sat outside at 4.30 in the morning and took a few deep breaths and decided that this is something I had to go through with....

Our day was perfect and I had never felt more in love than I did that day.

Everything I felt I will honestly say I can now put down to stress that was felt in the run up to the wedding. I was so calm in the outside but inside I felt like I was falling apart....

Since our wedding I can honestly say I am so happy I didn't back out and that I realise now that it was all stress related.

I am not saying that going through with it will be the best thing for you as it was for me but I just wanted to let you know that I also had these thoughts.... even right up to being a complete grump the morning of the wedding.

I honestly am so happy and more in love with my new husband than ever. Infact.... as soppy as it is I think I totally fell in love with him again since.

I wish you the best of luck in your decision x

cactusgal · 15-07-2017 12:43am

That's such a tough one, OP.

I was engaged several years ago, but I called off the wedding 10 weeks before it was to happen.

My relationship was deeply flawed, I hated living in his country, and I couldn't clearly imagine a long life together. He was also extremely lazy and very irresponsible with money. And, most importantly, I was falling out of love.

All of those things provided strong evidence that what I was experiencing was legit doubts based on reality, not just cold feet.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Listen to your heart of hearts.

Bricriu · 15-07-2017 6:05am

I had huge doubts about getting married to my ex-wife, and wanted to call it off right up to the the night before the wedding.

I went through with it, and the marriage never worked; we had married for the wrong reasons, and we separated after 5 years of deep unhappiness.

There is a difference between stress and a gut feeling that a decision is wrong.

eviltwin · 15-07-2017 6:27am

There is a difference between wondering if you are making the right decision and knowing you are making the wrong one.

No one here can give you the answer to what you should do today. I appreciate the day of a wedding is the worst possible time to change your mind but its infinitely better than putting you both through something you know you don't want. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Creol1 · 15-07-2017 1:15pm

Whatever you decide, don't let your decision be based on the horror of telling the guests and family the wedding is off, a fear that must be playing on you. A brief change of plans for your guests is much less important than your whole life.

If you do cancel the wedding, you will have to be honest with everyone eventually, but to avoid having to worry about this issue right now, you could come up with a face-saving excuse such as illness or a problem with the reception venue. Even if aren't sure about your decision, this would allow you to buy time.