Struggling to be alone

DauphinAi

I've recently come out of a long term relationship which had run it's course. In the end it was amicable and a relief to be able to walk away. At first I went through elation, it was great to be free and single, but recently I've been feeling low. I think the loss of my boyfriend is only hitting me now. I've always been in relationships so I really want to be alone and become a stronger person in myself but I'm also finding it hard. I keep thinking, when will I meet the right person for me? When really I should be focusing on myself. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do to get through this loneliness and embrace being alone?

LegacyUser

Hi OP, Sorry to hear your relationship broke up but from what you typed sounds like it was the best decision for both of you.

After the dust settles and after the initial exhilaration of being single the realisation that you are by yourself can be daunting and lonely. First and foremost *Hugs*

– Keep busy, make plans, even if these are plans by yourself, you have to keep active.
– If you work a normal Mon–Fri, weekends are the toughest especially if alot of your friends are in relationships, make lists of stuff to do, even if its to join a library, go to a museum, do that yoga/archery class you've always been talking about.
– Ensure you do things that you are actually interested and are passionate about, for example evening courses or even going back to college in a subject that you always wanted to learn more about.
– When you are low tell a friend/family, get support from them when things do get lonely or you get very down.
– Travel, why not put the time and money into planning a mad adventure?
– Volunteer, I always find its a great way of meeting friends and keeping busy. Search meet ups which has mountains of different groups (i.e. hiking etc).
– Avoid social media to a point, the amount of 'Im engaged', 'getting married tomorrow'/'in a relationship' posts can sometimes niggle you inside. Switch it off when you are feeling low or just perhaps take a break from it.
– Maybe talk to someone a counsellor if funds are available. You might be still dealing with the break up and struggling to make sense of it. It might also help voice your fears for the future and address them head on.
– If you are feeling that low perhaps ease up on alcohol for a bit.
– Don't knee jerk into a rebound relationship, these always end up hurting more than the original relationship and usually fizzle out.


You are grieving the loss of a relationship, give yourself time to heal as it wont happen over night. I applaud you for trying to focus on yourself, for now its the right thing to do
It does get easier but only with time, the break up is probably still fresh in your head.

Naturally you are soul searching and asking yourself 'when will I meet the right person for me?'. No one can answer that OP. Address this one straight on. Be brave and step out into the unknown, its terrifying but you'll learn so much about yourself it will naturally bring more love into your life. I wish you the best on this new path, its exciting, its scary, daunting and yes lonely... but remember there are endless possibilities opening out in front of you whatever you decide to do.

colmdel

Hey OP, 
            I went through similar after the break up of a long term relationship. These feelings will pass and you will learn to be comfortable, even enjoy being on your own. In the meantime try your best to stay active, surround yourself with family and friends. I found taking up a new hobby was a welcome distraction and also help me meet new people.

KrustyUCC

Yes try to spend time with friends and family

The suggestion to take up a new hobby is a good one. Meetup.com was great for me when my last relationship broke up. Have made some great friends there

There is a group for pretty much everything be it photography, surfing,paintballing, restaurant nights out to just meeting in a pub for drinks

If one group doesn't suit you there is another one that will

miamee

You probably spent a lot of time in each others company, especially if the break up was amicable. You will have to try to fill that time with other things now - as others have pointed out, spend more time with friends and family and more time on your hobbies. If you don't have any hobbies, now is a great time to pick one up, something you always intended to do but never really got around to. As far as family and friends go, you might need to be the instigator with them for a while until they get used to you being more available than you used to be (if you'd not spent a lot of time with them when in a relationship).

Unfortunately a break up, however amicable, is a loss of someone from your life and it does leave a gap but over time it will be less of a gap