When an ex texts to say sorry

Confused2828

My ex only recently broke up with me last weekend, he had not wanted to talk to me all the previous week as we had a row about him in my house I just felt like he was here but spending no time with me , just wanting to stay in bed all day long, I snapped at him I have been under so much pressure with family issues as well as up to my eyes with work, and didn't say anything that wasn't true, so he was having none of it , all week I asked him to talk he wouldn't then he broke up with me through text on Weekend, the following day asking could I get his stuff ready for Sunday so he can collect it , I just bit the bullet and dropped it that evening,I've been heart broken and emotional all week then he texts tonight saying he's sorry for hurting me and he cares , I wasn't gonna wb but couldn't help it I just said general things like I'm hurt and he made this decision , how I feel now I think it was not the right thing for me to get these texts, he just cut the convo short by saying he's going back to work, keep in touch !!! My reply was well now you know I feel crap still I hope this helps you, he replied after and says he's heartbroken himself but I couldn't wb , is this head games? Is he confused about his decision? It's really very painful 😖

miamee

He doesn't sound confused at all.

He didn't want to talk to you when he was in your house which you questioned him about (rightly)
He didn't want to talk to you for a whole week after you questioned him
He broke up with you by text so he wouldn't have to talk to you.
He may feel guilty about the cowardly way that he has gone about it, but I don't think he is confused.

I'm sorry if that is harsh to read and I'm sorry that you feel like crap, it's awful to be treated that way by someone you care about. But if he can't be bothered to support you when you are going through a stressful time in your life or to talk to you when he's in your company then he is not much use to you, is he? Concentrate on your family issues and on work and forget about this guy.

Confused2828

miamee wrote: »

He doesn't sound confused at all.

He didn't want to talk to you when he was in your house which you questioned him about (rightly)
He didn't want to talk to you for a whole week after you questioned him
He broke up with you by text so he wouldn't have to talk to you.
He may feel guilty about the cowardly way that he has gone about it, but I don't think he is confused.

I'm sorry if that is harsh to read and I'm sorry that you feel like crap, it's awful to be treated that way by someone you care about. But if he can't be bothered to support you when you are going through a stressful time in your life or to talk to you when he's in your company then he is not much use to you, is he? Concentrate on your family issues and on work and forget about this guy.

Thank you for your reply I'm just up and down at the moment I just feel like it's so unfair of him to even contact me to see if I'm ok, it was almost like he was checking to see I was still there, I didn't beg him or anything I just said he made the decision so it's pointless him saying sorry about it telling me he wishes things were different it's just so hard to deal with

Sephiroth_dude

Block his number and don't give him the chance too contact you again, he's treated you badly, sounds like he didn't give two hoots about you.

Confused2828

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

Block his number and don't give him the chance too contact you again, he's treated you badly, sounds like he didn't give two hoots about you.

I think now your right I was trying my best to just get through it and I feel like this has just set me back ten paces I'm usually very logical about these thing s and if I was an outsider looking in I would say the same maybe I'm just mourning the loss of those 4 and 1/2 years

miamee

Confused2828 wrote: »

I think now your right I was trying my best to just get through it and I feel like this has just set me back ten paces I'm usually very logical about these thing s and if I was an outsider looking in I would say the same maybe I'm just mourning the loss of those 4 and 1/2 years

Oh my goodness, 4 and a half years? And he broke up by text message? That is really bad form. You poor thing.

Confused2828

miamee wrote: »

Oh my goodness, 4 and a half years? And he broke up by text message? That is really bad form. You poor thing.

Heartbroken over it thank you so much for your honest opinion x

daithi7

Firstly, sorry for your loss, it's very tough to break up with anybody after 4&1/2 years.

Now, as I understand, he wouldn't talk to you for a week, was moping around, while you were going through other family issues and finally broke up with you by text. That's pretty clear where he is at and coming from.

Yes, he contacted you to say how awful he felt, how sorry he was, etc, etc. He can also feel like that, but really want to break up which is what he did. This is not inconsistent really, it's probably a mixture of remorse, guilt and 'seller's regret', you need to see it as that, and just that, for yourself, and get closure on this.

He is gone, you and he are over, he sounds like an (emotional) coward anyway tbh. You need to clear your head, see things for what they really are and move on.

Good luck OP.

Confused2828

daithi7 wrote: »

Firstly, sorry for your loss, it's very tough to break up with anybody after 4&1/2 years.

Now, as I understand, he wouldn't talk to you for a week, was moping around, while you were going through other family issues and finally broke up with you by text. That's pretty clear where he is at and coming from.

Yes, he contacted you to say how awful he felt, how sorry he was, etc, etc. He can also feel like that, but really want to break up which is what he did. This is not inconsistent really, it's probably a mixture of remorse, guilt and 'seller's regret', you need to see it as that, and just that, for yourself, and get closure on this.

He is gone, you and he are over, he sounds like an (emotional) coward anyway tbh. You need to clear your head, see things for what they really are and move on.

Good luck OP.[/

Thank you for your reply I'm all over the place with it at the minute i just don't get how he could end things so abruptly like that, knowing him so well , well as I thought I did I don't know how he couldn't contact me only a few days previous he's sitting there telling me he loves me , it's mind boggling to me right now, over analysing isnt helping and from what he was saying he was like I wish it was different and he's heartbroken I just felt he was saying this to see if I was still pining for him. I think him contacting me has just flipped me back as I had not contacted him, the fact he says keep in touch if I want is mad to me 🙄

Big Bag of Chips

He broke it off with you in a huff because you pulled him up on something that he couldn't defend. So rather than just apologise and try to make a bit if an effort he "put you in your place". When he couldn't defend himself he attacked.

After cooling down he realised he was a bit rash, and out of order, but obviously couldn't back down! Because that would mean having to admit you were right in the first place. So he made some sort of half arsed effort, expecting you to do the hardwork for him and make everything alright. You didn't, he couldn't and that's why you're here now.

If breaking up with you is his way of dealing with a very minor issue, then after 4 years, you're better off.

In saying all that, if he wasn't showing much interest anyway, then maybe he had lost interest in the relationship and was a just looking for an excuse.

Either way, it's upsetting but you'll survive.

Confused2828

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

He broke it off with you in a huff because you pulled him up on something that he couldn't defend. So rather than just apologise and try to make a bit if an effort he "put you in your place". When he couldn't defend himself he attacked.

After cooling down he realised he was a bit rash, and out of order, but obviously couldn't back down! Because that would mean having to admit you were right in the first place. So he made some sort of half arsed effort, expecting you to do the hardwork for him and make everything alright. You didn't, he couldn't and that's why you're here now.

If breaking up with you is his way of dealing with a very minor issue, then after 4 years, you're better off.

In saying all that, if he wasn't showing much interest anyway, then maybe he had lost interest in the relationship and was a just looking for an excuse.

Either way, it's upsetting but you'll survive.

]

Thank you to be honest he hasn't much interest in anything in bed all day til work at night even on holiday weeks which was that week I was snapping at him I had it with it staying in my home and not spending time or just saying sure get ready and we ll go do something he was bypassing me , and I snapped we have had fights like it before but like I think I just gave the benefit of the doubt because I love him , his family say it about him to I just wanted a life with him we got on great otherwise but that time difference made me resent him almost cos when he would stay that's all he d do and drink! 🙄 I know all this saying it out loud sounds like I'm a fool 🙄I just can't help the hurt

Estrellita

If that's how he handles conflict or problems then the break up is for the best. No where in the post was there mention of love from either party. It seems that after 4.5yrs you were both just going through the motions.

I think he now sees the magnitude of what he's done, but that isn't your problem. He can't use you as an emotional crutch, when you've to mourn the loss of the relationship yourself. If you've been ignored, underappreciated etc then this is the way it should be. Staying in a relationship for the sake of being in one can be very damaging to yourself esteem.

I'd tell him to stop contacting you, he has his stuff now. If he continues, then block his number. You've your own life to get on with. Reach out to friends and family for support, not him.

Confused2828

Estrellita wrote: »

If that's how he handles conflict or problems then the break up is for the best. No where in the post was there mention of love from either party. It seems that after 4.5yrs you were both just going through the motions.

I think he now sees the magnitude of what he's done, but that isn't your problem. He can't use you as an emotional crutch, when you've to mourn the loss of the relationship yourself. If you've been ignored, underappreciated etc then this is the way it should be. Staying in a relationship for the sake of being in one can be very damaging to yourself esteem.

I'd tell him to stop contacting you, he has his stuff now. If he continues, then block his number. You've your own life to get on with. Reach out to friends and family for support, not him.

Thank you I think your right I do love him very much I don't think I would have put up with so much and snapped about it if I didn't, now I can't be sure of his feelings on that, you are right i have not contacted him since the split but I should not have responded to him He was only fulfilling his own need by contacting me and I see this now