Rebound

inocybe

Hi, I was in an unconventional relationship for over 3 years, he was my best friend for the last 10 years. He ended it by cutting me off with no goodbye last autumn, and I've basically been a mess since then. I've done the counselling, written and burned the letters, everything you're supposed to do. I thought the best way to get over him is to meet someone else, so I put myself out there and I've met someone. We kissed for the first time yesterday, and I've spent the whole day today in tears, I'm so obviously not over my ex. I feel so confused and horrible, I don't know if I should just end things with the new guy now, or if this is just a stage that will pass? I'm just so sad right now.

banoffe2

You are aware that you are not over your ex today but you will get over him.
ye were together for a long time and there must be good memories, however you need to remember and focus on how hurt you.
As a result of your experience with your ex you made a wise decision to seek help and invest time and hard work into healing yourself, well done for that.
Don't be hard on yourself and doing stuff on the rebound rarely works but at least you have tried and surely that is progress, if you hadn't tried you would never have known. The sadness and grief of your ex will pass in time.
:)Mind yourself

Big Bag of Chips

What do you mean by "unconventional relationship"? I might be barking up the wrong tree but do you think you were more into him than he was in to you? The fact that after 10 years of being your friend he'd just drop you without an explanation makes me think he used you to fill time until he got a better offer.

It sucks, but it's not the end of the world. He was a huge part of your life for a very long time. You are bound to miss him. You might miss him in a romantic sense, or you might just miss him, his company, his presence in your life. But whatever it is, time is a healer. It will take time and it will hurt for a while, but he wasn't really all that great if he could treat you do badly.

inocybe

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

What do you mean by "unconventional relationship"? I might be barking up the wrong tree but do you think you were more into him than he was in to you? The fact that after 10 years of being your friend he'd just drop you without an explanation makes me think he used you to fill time until he got a better offer.

It sucks, but it's not the end of the world. He was a huge part of your life for a very long time. You are bound to miss him. You might miss him in a romantic sense, or you might just miss him, his company, his presence in your life. But whatever it is, time is a healer. It will take time and it will hurt for a while, but he wasn't really all that great if he could treat you do badly.

A bit like one of the other threads on here - he was supposed to be separated from his wife...
I was happy about meeting someone new, it was going well. But the strength of what's hitting me today is making me feel like I should end things with him, it's not fair to him. I'm avoiding his phonecalls.

Big Bag of Chips

It's not the other fella'a fault. Only you know if you're stringing him along or not. Maybe you're not ready yet, or maybe you just need to give yourself a bit of time, have a bit of fun without putting any pressure on yourself to class it as 'a relationship" or anything else.

ShaShaBear

inocybe wrote: »

A bit like one of the other threads on here - he was supposed to be separated from his wife...
I was happy about meeting someone new, it was going well. But the strength of what's hitting me today is making me feel like I should end things with him, it's not fair to him. I'm avoiding his phonecalls.

Not to be mean, but your ex cut all contact with you with no explanation, and your reaction is to do the same to the new lad you're dating? That's not very fair. You're obviously not ready to date, so take a call and tell him that. Don't leave him wondering why you've cut all contact with him with no explanation!

inocybe

ShaShaBear wrote: »

Not to be mean, but your ex cut all contact with you with no explanation, and your reaction is to do the same to the new lad you're dating? That's not very fair. You're obviously not ready to date, so take a call and tell him that. Don't leave him wondering why you've cut all contact with him with no explanation!

I had no intention of doing that, I just can't take his calls while I'm bawling my eyes out over my ex.

ShaShaBear

inocybe wrote: »

I had no intention of doing that, I just can't take his calls while I'm bawling my eyes out over my ex.

Then text him and explain. Ignoring him like you're so upset over is not the answer. The amount of people who come on here in tatters because their dating life has been a disaster and they've been ghosted yet again is astounding. I understand you're upset - trust me, I do. But at least fire off a little text and let this lad know that you're not ready to date and are going through some personal problems, and give him some closure. You don't want to recover from this in a few month's time and realise this new guy wants nothing to do with the girl that disappeared