boyfriend trouble

weedall

Ok so basically my boyfriend has decided to book a lads holiday, without telling me, for the same time we had both planned to go on holiday together. Both of us had booked the time off work and had yet to book the holiday, but I thought it was set in stone, apparently not. Now my problem is not with the holiday itself, he has been on other lads holidays before and although they aren't exactly ideal, it doesn't phase me, we have no trust issues. He only told me when he had it all booked. We are both students and he doesn't have the money to book another holiday with me and I've turned down other holidays on the basis of the one we were planning. I'm hurt he thought so little of me or how I would feel. We have been together for a year and a half does anybody have any advice for me? I don't want to end things but I feel I'm always going to hold this grudge against him. Help please, am I over reacting?

suicide_circus

So you specifically discussed going on holiday together in this exact time frame and both booked time off at the same time in order to do so?

Whereupon he books a lads holiday without telling you until it was too late.

On the one hand, I understand where he's coming from as a lads holiday when youre young is pretty much guaranteed to be better craic than one with your girlfriend.

On the other hand he has basically ditched you leaving you home with maybe no possibility of a holiday. Sounds like you are nowhere near the top of his agenda. Disrespect.

Airyfairy12

Youre not over reacting, it was really inconsiderate of him. Clearly himself and his mates come before you, its not worth breaking up over but you have every right to be upset. Can you go away with some of your friends since youve already booked the time off work?

punisher5112

I'm a guy.... I wouldn't do that so I can see why you would be pissed or even totally understand if it upset you.

That's not on but I would turn it around somehow and make very little time for him and see what he does.

No point wasting time with a loser.

ahnow

Hi OP,

I was in a relationship where that exact same thing happened-it was the first major blip and it was a sign of things to come. It really upset me at the time. Went out for another year after that and similar things kept happening where I was way down the list of priorities of where I should have been. If I could do it again I would have finished it then, because it shows a complete lack of consideration and respect and smacks of selfishness...but I also have the benefit of knowing how it turned out.
I totally get if this is the first major blip a reluctance to finish a relationship because it could feel like you're throwing things away on something that might not be an issue in the future, but for sure you need to let him know what a big deal this is. Keep an eye out for similar behaviour going forward if you decide to stick with it, I know myself I've learned my lesson and I wont put myself through it again because for me it was part of a bigger pattern.

MouseTail

You are not overreacting. By doing this, he has told you very clearly what he thinks of you and how he prioritises things. Listen to him.

judeboy101

You already know the answer,OP.

via4

I'm sorry he did that I would for sure let your feelings be known. Try & get away somewhere yourself that week if possible

Mr. Incognito

Dick move.

He knows it

Don't make an issue.

Just go on a girls holiday to somewhere like Ibiza.

Xterminator

Hi Op

He really told you how much he values you. Make sure you get the message.

BetsyEllen

When I first started reading this I was thinking 'oh here we go, another girlfriend moaning about her BF going away with the lads' but on this occasion, I'm on your side.

If it really was as clear as you say in regards to you had definitely set a date to go away and he definitely knew you had the time off work booked then he is very wrong.

Would I break up with him over it? I don't know. Probably.
I would certainly talk to him first as maybe there was a miscommunication as in you thought it was clear and he didn't.

If after talking you feel there was no misunderstanding and he booked the holiday regardless of your feelings and purposely let you down then my advice would be to walk away.
It's not just the holiday it's the general lack of respect towards you.

A few years ago I probably would have thought 'it's just a holiday, there'll be other ones, I'll forgive him'
But now I'm older I can tell you than life is too short to waste it on people like him.

You are young and the reality is you're unlikely to spend the rest of your life with him anyway so why entertain this kind of crap when you don't need to?

As others have suggested, maybe try and book a girls holiday or check out the travel forum or recently posted 'solo travel' thread in After Hours and consider going away by yourself.

jimmycrackcorm

weedall wrote:

. He only told me when he had it all booked. We are both students and he doesn't have the money to book another holiday with me and I've turned down other holidays on the basis of the one we were planning. I'm hurt he thought so little of me or how I would feel. We have been together for a year and a half does anybody have any advice for me? I don't want to end things but I feel I'm always going to hold this grudge against him. Help please, am I over reacting?

Have you asked him specifically we he did this knowing you were to go together? Your actions should be determined by his response. But it isn't something to hold a grudge about as grudges affect you more than the subject of them.

woodchuck

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Have you asked him specifically we he did this knowing you were to go together? Your actions should be determined by his response. But it isn't something to hold a grudge about as grudges affect you more than the subject of them.

I agree. I think it's important to know whether or not you called him on this (if you haven't, you should) and what his response is.

SozBbz

Really bad behaviour on his part OP.

He chose the lads holiday over you, not only in some abstract sense, but in a very real way by breaking existing plans you had together. He's told you very clearly how you fit on his list of priorities and its not good.

If you simply sweep this under the carpet, it won't be long until he chooses his mates (or something else) over you again and you'll feel even more mugged off for not dumping him when he next repeats this behavior.

Value yourself more and walk away.

B0jangles

I don't want to just jump to any conclusions but do you think there is a possibility he's trying to push you into breaking up with him so that he'll be a free agent when he goes off on his lad's holiday?

Obviously you know him better than any of us reading here, but it's hard to see how anyone could do something like this without the direct intention of p*ssing off their partner - you say you already had plans for a holiday together on specific dates and that you've already booked the time off. It's genuinely hard to imagine someone having such a terrible memory that they manage to forget all of that and just go and book a separate holiday for themselves while leaving their partner at home to twiddle their thumbs.