Am very hurt

LegacyUser

Hi. Will try and keep this short as I can.
I was previously married and am now in a relationship with a man who was previously married.
We were both still living with spouses when we met. Left family homes to be together (not proud of it, just giving background)
Living together now 7 years. In rented accommodation. House not great and have expressed desire to move previously but partner refused.
Differing degrees of success with people accepting our relationship. Kinda opposites
Both sets of friends accepting.
His children accepting, his siblings and parents not.
My children still angry, some accepting of him, some not. Siblings and parents accepting.


Problem:-
His friend will be coming to our county soon. He needs to stay overnight. I started to prepare for visit, buying things for spare room etc.,
Today partner told me that he had rung his mother to arrange that both he and friend stay there for duration. His reasons were that house not really great and friend more comfortable there. Mother agreed
I have a few issues with this,
1. He made phone-call and decision without any discussion with me. He gave it to me today as done deal.
2. I already expressed unhappiness with this house to no avail. Tried to broach subject of moving twice before renewal of lease, now it appears house is good enough for me but not for friend.
3. While friend is in county my partner will be in parents' house with him. I am not welcome there and I won't see him. I am very hurt that he has chosen to stay in parents' house above ours but also that he is supporting his parents' stance that I am persona non grata. He is supporting this stance in front of his parents and his friend.

I suppose main issue is that decision was made without discussion with me, but other issues hurt too. I tried to talk to partner but he just said he had a hard day and did not wish to discuss it.

I am so hurt. Am I wrong?

Katgurl

How long is the friend coming to stay for?

via4

If it was me I would be glad of a bit of peace in the house bit of time to yourself & you won't have to clean up after them hooray

Airyfairy12

Personally id be delighted. You wont have his friend intruding on your home, no one to clean up after, no forced conversation, house to yourself.. it sounds great.

Teyla Emmagan

Well if the house isn't good enough for his friend it's not good enough for you either! I would be kicking up blue murder. And you are supposed to entertain "at home". Does he not feel that your house is his home?

LegacyUser

For me it's not as simple as I have the house to myself and I don't have to clean up before and after. All other things being equal I might be like that.
This is validation for his mother that her son is forced to live somewhere not good enough for his friend because of me. She is nasty enough about me as it is. I just feel he is giving her further ammunition against me. To me it is being disloyal to me and our relationship. I would expect any friend of mine to stay in my house and accept me as I am or else that person is not a true friend.

LegacyUser

@Tayla Emmegan

Yes this is what I mean. Why is this house not comfortable enough for his friend but good enough for me?

ahnow

It sounds like what you're really upset about is that you both are still renting a house that you've made clear that you're not happy in, and despite you having told him you don't want to live there he's been fobbing you off, and the friend coming to stay is just highlighting this again. You should have a proper chat to him about it.