Need to Create a life for myself

LaurenPam

Hello,

Just before i begin i just want to say i know there are far bigger problems than mine but if you have a chance, could you please just offer me any advice & support. I would deeply appreciate it

CAREER (OR LACK OF IT!)
I am 29 years old. I have been battling mental health issues for years. I am FINALLY in a position where i would love to work. Thing is i don't have a good record at all!
Signed up for many courses over the years, didn't finish ANY! Have Junior Cert only. Done two schemes CE/TUS i was still struggling with my issues at the time. I did complete a year on each scheme(in admin). Can't imagine the bosses would be willing to give me a reference though.
I have never had a job. I have looked for work just about everywhere but no one wants to know. As i've struggled a lot over the years i have no friends so no contacts.
I was asked recently 'when was i last in paid employment?' As i haven't worked the guys jaw dropped!
I am ashamed of this but it's just turned out that way, i can't go back & fix it.

At the moment i attend JobPath. The guy just asks me did i apply for x,y etc Ticks a few boxes on the pc & i'm off. Have applied for volunteering roles in shops so hopefully someone will get back to me.

PERSONAL LIFE:

Have suffered Social Anxiety & am attending CBT at the moment. No friends. I honestly have no idea where to meet people. I am a sensitive person. Maybe i'm too nice. I go to the gym & some classes but nobody seems to speak much. Nothing much on Meetup in my area. I do need to make friends as i'm totally alone!!

My dream (like everyone else really) just to be happy I'd love to meet a guy & move in together (still live with parents ) but it all just seems very far fetched at this point.

My days are spent looking for jobs, playing with the dogs (which i love!).
I always set my alarm and get up early and make sure to go for walks & exercise everyday.

I just feel like life is passing me by everyday & i don't know what to do about it.

Airyfairy12

You seem to be taking all the right steps, getting therapy and applying to volunteer positions. Keep it up, wanting to move forward and making an effort to do so is half the battle. That you should be proud of. Allot of people drift through life constantly making excuses for themselves and never make any attempt to change their situation, youre taking responsibility and working towards improving your life. Thats not easy so well done you.

Could you do an online course? or maybe do a fetac level 5 course in a further ed college? You can apply as a mature student without having a leaving certificate and allot of fetac level 5 and 6 courses will get your foot in the door as you'll be required to do work experience for the duration of the course. You like animals so you could do animal care? or special needs/childcare training so you could work with children? there are lots of different options and you would meet people in these courses too which could help to improve your social life, theres also the option of doing these courses part time.

Why do you think your bosses wouldnt give you a reference? I had those feelings too and reluctantly asked an old college tutor for a reference, I had really bad mental health problems in college, depression and anxiety consumed be totally for the 4 years and I missed weeks at a time. In the back of head I felt asking her was a long shot but to my surprise she gave me a shining reference and couldnt have been more helpful. Similarly I felt the same about an old employer, the next week he handed me a typed out two page long reference about how great I was at the job. People want you to do well, unless you were rude, obnoxious or otherwise disruptive (Which I very much doubt you were) they will have no reason not to give you a reference. if you ask you might be very surprised and there's no harm in asking.

Dont feel ashamed. Im your age and ive got very little previous work experience, our generation got fecked over by the government/banks and we missed out on those years were most people gain allot of their work experience. There wasnt any jobs for us in our early to mid twenties. The older generation/parents/employers seem to ignore that fact and expect us all to have had jobs that weren't available. We had 3 options, go to Australia, go back to college or sign on the dole. So try not to be hard on yourself.

You dont say what area youre situated, are you near Dublin or another city? or are there any groups, clubs or activities you could join to meet people?

LimerickSports

hi im in the same place as you, where are you from. <SNIP>

LaurenPam

LimerickSports wrote: »

hi im in the same place as you, where are you from. <SNIP>

I'm sorry to hear that LimerickSports I'm in Ballina Co Mayo

LaurenPam

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

You seem to be taking all the right steps, getting therapy and applying to volunteer positions. Keep it up, wanting to move forward and making an effort to do so is half the battle. That you should be proud of. Allot of people drift through life constantly making excuses for themselves and never make any attempt to change their situation, youre taking responsibility and working towards improving your life. Thats not easy so well done you.

Could you do an online course? or maybe do a fetac level 5 course in a further ed college? You can apply as a mature student without having a leaving certificate and allot of fetac level 5 and 6 courses will get your foot in the door as you'll be required to do work experience for the duration of the course. You like animals so you could do animal care? or special needs/childcare training so you could work with children? there are lots of different options and you would meet people in these courses too which could help to improve your social life, theres also the option of doing these courses part time.

Why do you think your bosses wouldnt give you a reference? I had those feelings too and reluctantly asked an old college tutor for a reference, I had really bad mental health problems in college, depression and anxiety consumed be totally for the 4 years and I missed weeks at a time. In the back of head I felt asking her was a long shot but to my surprise she gave me a shining reference and couldnt have been more helpful. Similarly I felt the same about an old employer, the next week he handed me a typed out two page long reference about how great I was at the job. People want you to do well, unless you were rude, obnoxious or otherwise disruptive (Which I very much doubt you were) they will have no reason not to give you a reference. if you ask you might be very surprised and there's no harm in asking.

Dont feel ashamed. Im your age and ive got very little previous work experience, our generation got fecked over by the government/banks and we missed out on those years were most people gain allot of their work experience. There wasnt any jobs for us in our early to mid twenties. The older generation/parents/employers seem to ignore that fact and expect us all to have had jobs that weren't available. We had 3 options, go to Australia, go back to college or sign on the dole. So try not to be hard on yourself.

You dont say what area youre situated, are you near Dublin or another city? or are there any groups, clubs or activities you could join to meet people?

Thank you Airyfairy12. I'm just outside Ballina Co Mayo. I do feel ashamed of myself, i know i must change that somehow.

I have been thinking about courses but there is not much near me. Also i'm aware it can be very tough to get into these courses these days.
During the interview process i would have to go through my history so it's not surprising that might not get a place on a course.

Reference? I don't want to say much more sorry. I guess when i did those schemes everything was new to me. Just been around so many people everyday. I found it tough. Everyone just seems to give out about each other constantly! I can't join in in all that crap. It really gets to me when people put each other down.
I was suicidal at the time. I wouldn't say i did anything awful but i suppose i was afraid to speak up & wasn't good at following instructions.

I think i need to push myself more on making friends. Maybe a team sport? I could play soccer, basketball or rugby. Think there's only GAA team here

Thank you for your reply

Airyfairy12

LaurenPam wrote: »

Thank you Airyfairy12. I'm just outside Ballina Co Mayo. I do feel ashamed of myself, i know i must change that somehow.

I have been thinking about courses but there is not much near me. Also i'm aware it can be very tough to get into these courses these days.
During the interview process i would have to go through my history so it's not surprising that might not get a place on a course.

Reference? I don't want to say much more sorry. I guess when i did those schemes everything was new to me. Just been around so many people everyday. I found it tough. Everyone just seems to give out about each other constantly! I can't join in in all that crap. It really gets to me when people put each other down.
I was suicidal at the time. I wouldn't say i did anything awful but i suppose i was afraid to speak up & wasn't good at following instructions.

I think i need to push myself more on making friends. Maybe a team sport? I could play soccer, basketball or rugby. Think there's only GAA team here

Thank you for your reply

Theyre not that difficult to get into, theyre really just stepping stones for people so theyre not judgmental about who they let onto the courses, allot of people who do fetac 5 and 6 courses have very little previous experience if any and a large number of places are kept for mature students. As I said before people want you to do well. If you dont try, you dont get.

I totally understand what you mean about negative people, theyre incredibly difficult to be around. I clam up and cant even speak, all I want to do is run away when im around people like that. Its very uncomfortable, its actually something im trying to work through at the minute in therapy because really theres no getting away from those kinds of people or situations, theyre everywhere but what helps me is when im those situations to try and be completely self focused and concentrate on my own feelings/emotions rather than on what theyre feeling/saying/thinking, keeping myself centred and balanced so I dont allow their negativity to affect me. Sounds very silly but I find it works for me.

LegacyUser

Hi, I can relate with your story alot. I am in a job at the moment but I am in my late twenties and have drifted away from all my friends. I go through life going to work, coming home, watching tv and doing it all over again the next day. I never have anything to do/anyone to meet up with on weekends either. I'm very shy and quiet at first and find it impossible to make friends. I have never been diagnosed but I may be on the autism spectrum. Like you I am also living at home. The loneliness does get to me, sometimes you just want someone to cuddle or go places with. I'm based in a city but I don't see any meetups I feel I would fit in going to.

Enough about me, I just really decided to post to let you know that you're not alone. And hopefully you will get into a course and then a job and things will fall into place for you.<Mod Snip>

LaurenPam

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Theyre not that difficult to get into, theyre really just stepping stones for people so theyre not judgmental about who they let onto the courses, allot of people who do fetac 5 and 6 courses have very little previous experience if any and a large number of places are kept for mature students. As I said before people want you to do well. If you dont try, you dont get.

I totally understand what you mean about negative people, theyre incredibly difficult to be around. I clam up and cant even speak, all I want to do is run away when im around people like that. Its very uncomfortable, its actually something im trying to work through at the minute in therapy because really theres no getting away from those kinds of people or situations, theyre everywhere but what helps me is when im those situations to try and be completely self focused and concentrate on my own feelings/emotions rather than on what theyre feeling/saying/thinking, keeping myself centred and balanced so I dont allow their negativity to affect me. Sounds very silly but I find it works for me.

Thank You Airfairy12

That's not silly at all! Hope i can work on something like that in counselling

LaurenPam

RoughPatch17 wrote: »

Hi, I can relate with your story alot. I am in a job at the moment but I am in my late twenties and have drifted away from all my friends. I go through life going to work, coming home, watching tv and doing it all over again the next day. I never have anything to do/anyone to meet up with on weekends either. I'm very shy and quiet at first and find it impossible to make friends. I have never been diagnosed but I may be on the autism spectrum. Like you I am also living at home. The loneliness does get to me, sometimes you just want someone to cuddle or go places with. I'm based in a city but I don't see any meetups I feel I would fit in going to.

Enough about me, I just really decided to post to let you know that you're not alone. And hopefully you will get into a course and then a job and things will fall into place for you.<Mod Snip>

Thank You RoughPatch17
Sorry you have similar issues!
I hope things have improved for you. All of the above is exactly like me.
Where do live?
The loneliness is a huge thing, i guess it is for a lot op people. I found i get completely overwhelmed with loneliness at times. Thank god for the internet