Kinda all over the place.

LegacyUser

So I'm 29 years old and Im out of a 6 year relationship about 10 months now.
The relationship was great but going downhill for a year and the only way to save it would have been to make some serious lifestyle choices on my part. Limiting career possibilities, never moving out of my hometown, having a long commute and several others I won't go into detail on.

So that ended, I moved to the city and since then I've been in two "relationships". One for 3 months and another for 3 months and counting.

The problem I have is that I've no desire to have a relationship with these women. They're really nice girls but just not the ones for me. I basically just want company, someone to hang out with and have a partner in crime. Im also keeping my eye open for someone I DO want to be with.

While I'm seeing this girl, I'm also on Tinder, texting other women, chatting up girls when I am out and just being a bit of a dick. I know I'm being selfish and I feel really bad about it now because she's a cool girl and I know she'd be hurt.

I know I'm having my cake and eating it, but the alternative is live quite an insular, sexless life waiting for the right person to drop by. Most of my friends are in LTRs and have moved away.

Just looking for opinions and advice.

LegacyUser

Simple quit the serial relationships and get used to being on your own. People don't exist for your entertainment. Let her off the hook before you hurt her further. You're acting as though you're single and openly admit to chasing someone better so you might as well be.

Airyfairy12

So.. youre quite happy to use this "really nice girl" to get your needs met, string her along, cheat, do whatever you want behind her back.. then what? dump her the second something new comes along? Youre using this girl for sex and lying to her to keep her around. You sound lovely.

I don't know what your question is tbh? Is being single and not having sex when you want it really so bad that you'll resort to hurting, cheating and lying to other people to get what you want? Or are you just that self centred and egotistical you don't feel any guilt?

You might want to focus on sorting that out before you attempt to get into another relationship, otherwise youre only attracting the wrong people. If you want to play the field, then do..theres nothing wrong with that but dont take advantage of other people while youre at it.

Sephiroth_dude

Notgonnareg wrote: »

So I'm 29 years old and Im out of a 6 year relationship about 10 months now.
The relationship was great but going downhill for a year and the only way to save it would have been to make some serious lifestyle choices on my part. Limiting career possibilities, never moving out of my hometown, having a long commute and several others I won't go into detail on.

So that ended, I moved to the city and since then I've been in two "relationships". One for 3 months and another for 3 months and counting.

The problem I have is that I've no desire to have a relationship with these women. They're really nice girls but just not the ones for me. I basically just want company, someone to hang out with and have a partner in crime. Im also keeping my eye open for someone I DO want to be with.

While I'm seeing this girl, I'm also on Tinder, texting other women, chatting up girls when I am out and just being a bit of a dick. I know I'm being selfish and I feel really bad about it now because she's a cool girl and I know she'd be hurt.

I know I'm having my cake and eating it, but the alternative is live quite an insular, sexless life waiting for the right person to drop by. Most of my friends are in LTRs and have moved away.

Just looking for opinions and advice.

Ohhh poor you,I actually hope she catches you out, end things and move on, its that simple really.

Xterminator

Hi OP

Why do you have to be in a relationship with these ladies?? Can you not just play the field, make it clear you're not looking for commitment, and do what consenting adults do?

I think you know its wrong to string these girls along, because you posted here in the 1st place. They have feelings, hopes and dreams, and while they are with you making plans and hoping you will be the one, you're hoping to trade them in for a better model 1st chance you get.

Dr Crayfish

Xterminator wrote: »

Why do you have to be in a relationship with these ladies?? Can you not just play the field, make it clear you're not looking for commitment, and do what consenting adults do?

For the majority of blokes, getting no strings attached sex regularly is quite difficult! I can sympathise on some level with the OP. You want sex/female company etc so you're going through the motions to get it. Unfortunately you'll end up hurting these girls in the process and you're kidding yourself too.
If you're unable to get no strings sex, just go without it for a while, it's not that big a deal and you don't have the hassle of stringing along relationships for the sake of it. If I were you I'd stay off Tinder and stuff for a while and focus on other things for now, your love life will probably fall into place sooner or later anyway.

leggo

It's really not that difficult to get though. The problem is is that a lot of lads assume it is and take the immediate shortcut by being a dick.

Truth is, not all women are out to get you to settle down and have your babies. In fact they're often the same as men and enjoy casual, no stings arrangements because relationships can be just as difficult and head-wrecking for them too. The problem, when you actually talk to normal single women I've found, is that they just don't want to be used as a vessel for someone to put their penis inside. But that doesn't mean they want ultra-commitment either, just to be treated like a human.

So why not try this: be honest with them from the get-go. Tell them what you're looking for and treat them like a human. On Tinder, for example, I get away with being ridiculously forward and it works a lot too because I'm also having a proper conversation with them and talking to them like a person. I'm not like "Here's a picture of my dick can I put it in you and never have to talk plz?" But just because I'm having a conversation with them doesn't mean that it has to lead to wedding bells either. Like I know lads who have ridiculous expectations and, for example, see going out for a drink beforehand as too relationship-y. But a woman wanting to do that doesn't necessarily mean she wants love and flowers and that, maybe she just wants to meet in a public place to figure out if you're going to murder her or not before going to your place or getting into your car alone?

Just tell them what you're looking for, what you're not looking for, and have a conversation with them and I guarantee you'll get what you want while not having the pangs of guilt that led you here OP. You'll be surprised how many men don't do that and how far it gets you because you actually stand out for being able to deal with it like an adult. The lads who play games and use people are the suckers because, unless the girl really fancies you, she's probably got 10 others doing the exact same thing and you don't actually stand out at all. It's also SO much more time consuming and costly pretending to be in a relationship with someone than going for a drink with them once or twice, then just being respectful and getting it essentially on command.

LegacyUser

The reality is your girlfriend is investing her time with you. She is not cheating on you or keep an eye out for something better to come along. Perhaps she really likes you and hope that in time you and her could have a serious relationship. If your 29 she could be your age or close to that age. She might want marriage/kids within the next few years.
I won't say this is true for all woman but she could want a serious relationship/marriage/kids.

At this stage of your life you told us most of your friends have either moved away or are in long term relationships.
That is the reality for a lot of people. It does not mean that can use people like your girlfriend and the few other woman you have on the side so that your not lonely/on your own on a Sat night or having a good sex life.
You need to be careful doing this as I feel it is only a matter of time before your girlfriend finds out. Also if your having sex with a few different woman you could get an sti or get one of them pregnant.

You need to end things with your girlfriend. After this be honest with the woman you meet that your just looking for some adult fun. Some woman will walk away and some won't but at least your not using someone or making them think long term you want more.