Failing @ Life

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Any advice would be appreciated here.

I graduated from a business degree 7 years ago and worked in finance/banking for 5-6 years. I fell into that career to use the old cliché and was very half assed about it so decided to return to college to do a hdip teaching. Due to my own disorganisation I have made a fcuk up of the course and am now faced with a final mark of just a pass. No one to blame but myself for this one. I have had serious issues with procrastination during the course and this has proved my downfall (late submitting assignments etc).

This leaves me at a crossroads now and I am really unsure of what to do. I can try and find a job teaching with my pass degree which will be quite difficult or return to finance which will be fine in the short term.

The other factors that are weighing heavily on me are I am 34 years old now and am single. Most of my friends are married, are on solid career paths with mortgages and some with children on the way. So my social life has slowed down a lot over the last 2-3 years. I wouldn't be the most outgoing chap in the world so finding it hard to adjust to this as I find it very difficult to push myself outside my comfort zones. I have tried a couple of social meetups but unfortunately didn't click with the groups involved.

I see and encounter other people and really admire their drive and career successes. Particularly their ability to stay the course through rough patches in their careers or their ability to put enormous effort into their jobs over certain periods of time. I feel ashamed that my parents worked hard to provide me with plenty of opportunities in life that I have let slip through my fingers one by one. Ashamed by the fact that I don't seem to possess my parents or other people's drive for success (I feel pretty lazy by comparison). It's as though I am waiting for a big event to shock me into action. As this hasn't happened I am half assing my way towards a life of failure.

TLDR: Failing at college and social life dying a death. Any advice appreciated.

zoobizoo

Why did you decide to get into teaching?

What was the motivation?


Procrastination (of which I am a master) is driven by different factors - have you ever tried to investigate what they are for you?

LegacyUser

I decided to get into teaching because I had young nieces and nephews and really enjoyed interacting with them. I found my teaching practices tough but rewarding. My main motivation for getting into teaching was that I thought I would find it more rewarding than banking/finance. The monotony of that area was surreal, like floating through life in a weekly recurring dream until coming alive at the weekends (foil,arms and hog do a great sketch on this).

I hadn't looked into the reasons behind my procrastination. I would coast along until a week or a few days before the due dates thinking I would finish the assignment with plenty of time to spare then panic and rush through a half done and late attempt. What were the factors behind your own procrastination?

9or10

No great nuggets of advice I'm afraid but I can identify with you. I'm retired now but pretty much fell into every job I had. Got a few promotions, started a couple of degrees (fuked them up).

I think there is a huge pressure or expectation on people that everyone is in their chosen career and making a huge success of it - I think its got worse and I think its rubbish.

failing@life wrote: »

The other factors that are weighing heavily on me are I am 34 years old now and am single. Most of my friends are married, are on solid career paths with mortgages and some with children on the way. So my social life has slowed down a lot over the last 2-3 years. I wouldn't be the most outgoing chap in the world so finding it hard to adjust to this as I find it very difficult to push myself outside my comfort zones. I have tried a couple of social meetups but unfortunately didn't click with the groups involved.

This paragraph stuck out to me. Comparing yourself to others is self defeating. Imagine your friends maybe struggling with the mortgage or the kids misbehaving saying "Look at failing@life, not a care in the world, do what he wants go travelling when he wants, where did we go wrong?" Clumsily put but the grass is always greener.

I wish you all the best OP. You are not failing at life.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your words.

What areas of work did you fall into yourself? Any advice on ways you would have done things differently looking back?

You are right about comparing yourself to others but I feel it's human nature to compare yourself to others around you. I agree with you about it being self-defeating. Wise words. I will have to come up with a way of being more grateful for what I have than regularly looking at what others have. Thanks for the bit of perspective there.

9or10

failing@life wrote: »

What areas of work did you fall into yourself?

Humm well now.

Leaving school I was all set to join the Navy - backed out (prevaricated) decided I wanted a flat and girls and life and ....

Joined an American bank in the city - hated it.
Joined the Civil Service - was bored out of my skull and not well paid
Joined the Post Office - mostly loved it. Ended up in charge of criminal investigations for the whole country - way too much to worry about. I got out before it killed me.

Now - farming in the West - takes some beating for the life if not the money.

Any advice on ways you would have done things differently looking back?

There were loads of things that I nearly did, which mostly turned out for the best.

I always wished I'd pushed myself a bit harder. As a for instance, when we bought houses we never totally stretched ourselves - maybe we should have - although we were never hit by downturns either. We never had sleepless nights over money.

If your "driven" to do something that's great, but also its OK if you're not. When I was leaving school one of my contemporaries wanted to be an optician. We all said WTF - but we're always going to need them and they make a tidy living.

Sorry, I hope these ramblings are some use to you.

All the very best.

zoobizoo

Hey OP,

My procrastination stems from various things... sometimes fear of failure, sometimes lack of belief in my abilities, sometimes avoidance.... a lot of my college projects were like that. I'd avoid til the last moment and then panic.

It seems to me that you're motivated by teaching but not motivated by the work you have to do to get there.
Was any of that caused by you thinking "this isn't really important for the teaching that I'll be doing? It's futile so I don't put any value on it?"

Some people have a particular drive for success - others happen to fall into things that they're good at and that helps with their success. As in, you're in a job that you know you can do so you just do it and you just get on with it.

The good thing is that you are 34 and that's still time enough to turn things around and there might be options for you that others don't have - eg, becoming a bus org teacher / accountancy teacher / economics due to your experience in finance. The pass degree might come up in an interview but we can all come up with reasons why we didn't do as well as we'd wanted. Is there something you can specialise in after the degree to "better" it?


Social Life:

This happens to many of us in our 30s. My friends were all hooked up. My social life had taken a severe turn for the worse. Too much time on my hands etc and friends having less time for me. Do make sure to keep in touch with your friends - even if it's meeting for a coffee / lunch / brunch..... the big nights out will become fewer and fewer.

Do your friends' partners have friends they could set you up with?



You've gone to meet ups and that's great - you say you didn't click with the group but each group is made up of individuals and we don't befriend groups we befriend members. Just because a couple didn't work out, don't let that put you off.

My social life changed when I joined a sports club. Weekends away, nights away, drinks in town, people inviting me to parties... I'd never had that before and it opened up my whole social life. Again, I didn't click with everyone, but I made a few good friends who I still hang out with 10 years later - some 10 years younger - some 10 years older. Find a hobby you love and you'll never look back.

Bambi985

You're not a failure at all OP. The first thing I thought when I read your post was "business degree and worked in finance...wow", and then you found the drive to turn direction and go back to education. That in and of itself shows motivation and determination.

First things first you need to tackle the procrastination. Do a few sessions with a counsellor if you think that might help. I can be the absolute worst for that too, and most often I've found it's rooted in self-esteem issues as well as a sort of "what's the point" that culminates from obsessively comparing myself to other people. "I'll never measure up."

Those are thought processes that you need to train out of yourself, as they're also provoking the "I'm a failure" thoughts which are about as useful as a chocolate teapot. No-one ever got anything done thinking such negative things about themselves. Find a counsellor, buy a journal and get scribbling, or do some walking by yourself to get some head space and get to the bottom of it. You can totally change this.

Which leads onto my next point. Stop comparing. I know we all do it, but I've found that how much I do it is proportionate to how miserable I am. Once you start dwelling on other people's achievements it becomes a downward spiral until you've procrastinated yourself out of a degree, and so on. Who cares what other people are doing? Lots of people start settling down with mortgages, partners and families in their mid 30s, doesn't mean they're all happy or more successful than you - they're just living the lives that are right for them. Take ownership of your own life, learn to enjoy it, to love it! You're young and have the world at your feet - everything is there for the taking.

LimerickSports

your not a failure at life, you have a business degree there are many job oppurtunities with a business degree, working as a banker is good pay and is a good job

Baron Kurtz

As others have voiced, you certainly aren't failing. You have achievements - a bit more clarity and focus in one thing you enjoy should get you where you want to go. Everyone has doubts and reservations about their career.

And also, you probably have an excellent sense of humour since you mentioned the FA&H sketch Pretty funny, and we've all been in that situation. Love when he cracks open the can and the anthemic music blares - Actually thought of it today, as it was Friday!

LolaJJ

You're being really hard on yourself.

I think we all have a tendency to now and again to compare our failures to other peoples successes. The problem is, that no matter what we achieve day to day there is always going to be something else that we want, something that someone else is able to do that we can't, some minor or major achievement we let pass us by. But that's part of life and it's great when we're on an upward journey but it's unrealistic to expect or assume that life will always be that way. You mention your parents, parents are great (if you're lucky) but they can only prepare us so much and carry us for so long. Most of the time we're too young and stupid to maximise the opportunities they afford to us, that's OK too.

I'm sure there's someone else in your circle envious at your brave move to go back to education despite being in a solid and secure job, that's something I wanted to do for a long time but just couldn't make it work...or wasn't brave enough.

Also, I bet some of your married friends with kids sometimes wish they had your freedom at times...

Gratitude doesn't come naturally to many people, we're conditioned to want more, want better, achieve, be the best and we're constantly now exposed to other peoples happy moments through social media...that's a whole other topic.

Your still on your journey and you've come along way!!!! I'm also in my mid-thirties and I have A LOT of friends working in finance who hate their jobs and moan daily but just keep going in and doing the same thing day-in-day-out.

I think returning to a career where you feel unfulfilled is a short-term solution. Starting from scratch teaching with your pass (Wohoo you didn't fail) will at least justify your decision to change course and you'll know whether that's what you want to do or not long-term.

You aren't failing at life, by any standards, you just need to really look at all your brave moves and achievements. Give yourself a little more credit.

jsms88

LolaJJ wrote: »

I think we all have a tendency to now and again to compare our failures to other peoples successes.

Thanks for this. I'm going to try to remember this sentence. In our modern world, social media has made this a really big thing. It's so easy to think that everyone else is flying it and you're way behind. That's how I feel anyway, looking at my old school friends, etc.