Cant decide between ex and new girl

LegacyUser

Hi all,

My girlfriend broke up with me in December last year. She had issues with her weight which affected her self esteem and this led her to pushing me away and eventually ending it. We had been going out 18 months at that point which hadn't all been plain sailing.

I've seen a few girls since the split and didn't really click with any of them (probably due to not enough time passing). Fast forward to a month ago and I met this new girl for the first time. We went on two fun dates and now out of the blue my ex shows up and wants me back. She has been trying everything since to win me back in the past few weeks but I've told her I need time to think about it.


I went on a further date with this new girl and things seem to be going well. I'm left with a decision to make. My ex or try and pursue something with this new girl. There are a few things against the new girl in that we live an hour apart and the fact at 28 she has never been in a relationship lasting more than a few weeks.

Should I let the past stay in the past and move on with this new girl even though it could fizzle out into nothing in a few weeks?

Or decide to go back with my ex?( who I do love but maybe I'm not sure if I love her the way I used to)

LegacyUser

This is a tough one, if it were me, I would probably be so hurt over the breakup. I don't think I would feel the same about an ex. I completely get her insecurity about weight, but it's a bit of a drastic move to break up with you over it no?

I think if you really wanted to rekindle your relationship with her, you wouldn't be here asking. Just my two cents.

Sephiroth_dude

Cantdecide2017 wrote: »

I'm not sure if I love her the way I used to)

Having read the above you shouldn't get back with your ex if that's how you feel, it wouldn't be fair, I would continue dating the new girl and see where it goes.

lifeandtimes

She's an ex for a reason and you mentioned that the relationship hadn't been plain sailing(although none are perfect) so unless she's changed ramticslly which would be hard in 6 months...I think you know what to do

eeguy

You're not jumping at the chance to get back with her.

In a few months I'll you be wondering what could have been?

leggo

I've dated, spelt with and texted exes before and, on every occasion without fail, within a week or two I was like "Ah. That's why we broke up."

I wouldn't go cutting off something promising for something that's already failed. And, if you really wanted to and saw it working in a way that it didn't before, you probably wouldn't have posted here.

Having said that, and having been the centre of a love triangle involving exes before, don't forget there's a third option too: none of the above. These aren't the only two girls in the world if you're not feeling particularly psyched about either choice.

homerjay2005

lifeandtimes wrote: »

She's an ex for a reason and you mentioned that the relationship hadn't been plain sailing

this is very naive and narrow minded advice. there is plenty of people who've broken up and gotten back together weeks/months/years later and are now happily married/together years on.

while this situation may not apply, you cannot just say that once somebody is an ex, thats it. there isnt a relationship in existence that is plain sailing.

Bambi985

Your post reads as if it's either of these two girls or nothing. As if you're obliged to pick one of them, when you don't even seem too gone on either of them.

Your descriptions of them both don't exactly scream "love of my life". Your ex had weight issues and this new girl seems nice but hasn't had a relationship at 28 so you're not sure about her either. A. What has changed with your ex that suddenly she's decided she must have you back and that things will be different this time? And B. lots of people haven't had long-term relationships by 28. Life just happens that way sometimes. Just like some people have exes with self-esteem issues etc etc. Not a reflection on the person most of the time, just the way the cookie crumbles.

You don't have to decide between these women. You do have to evaluate your own feelings though and decide what's right for you. Maybe neither of them is a good match for you? That's an option too. Maybe you can say "thanks but no thanks, not interested in going down this path again" to the ex and tell the new girl she's lovely but you're just not feeling it, and hold out for someone who doesn't make you hesitate about whether or not you want to be with them.

Emme

OP don't go back to your ex and don't continue dating the new girl. It didn't work with your ex for a reason and the new girl needs someone with his head together who won't judge her for being 28 and not having a serious relationship. A lot of girls are in that situation and it is nothing to be ashamed of.

You need to work on yourself for about a year. Don't date seriously and be upfront about it if you meet girls.

Mr. Incognito

Its nice to have choices.

No one can tell you what to do but you.

There's no "right" or "wrong" answer and either one could go tits up or either one could work.

But neither will unless you decide and committ to the decision because you cant serve two masters.

I would sit down with the ex and ask her why she wants to get back together as it might simply be a case of wanting what she doesnt have and if you are back together it'll go back to the same destructive pattern.

bucketybuck

Never go back.

Nothing is black and white but if there is one bit of advice I could to younger me and younger friends it would be that, never go back.

You could be one of the lucky few but I think you already know, things with your ex won't be the same as they were, you can't put the genie back in the bottle.

I would genuinely advise you to move on, leave your ex in the past, give this new girl an honest chance and if it doesn't work out then fine, move on again. But don't try to rekindle a flame when you already know your feelings have changed, in all likelihood it only ends one way.