Was I played?

Smirnoff7

Hi just looking for some help as I'm really struggling here.
I've been in contact with someone for the last 4 months we've been seeing each other properly for the last 6 weeks and it got serious fairly quickly, spending most evenings together and talking about a future and that we would both be annoyed if the other was to see anyone else that kind of thing.
We both came out of bad relationships last year and I taught I finally found a good one. This week he suddenly started getting cool for no reason and stopped replying to messages and calls.
A friend told me she saw he was very active on a dating website and I was gutted, I had no idea he was talking to other girls. I tried to talk to him but he wouldn't take my calls and then text to say it was to serious to soon and ended it. I told him I knew he was on the website and his reply was he's single he can do what he likes.

For starters I can't believe he ended it by text but to be honest what hurts the most is he was actively looking for someone else while he was with me, I feel like anything we had was a complete lie & I was never good enough, it's like he turned into a completely different person overnight. Was I just naive and played?

everlast75

Smirnoff7 wrote: »

Hi just looking for some help as I'm really struggling here.
I've been in contact with someone for the last 4 months we've been seeing each other properly for the last 6 weeks and it got serious fairly quickly, spending most evenings together and talking about a future and that we would both be annoyed if the other was to see anyone else that kind of thing.
We both came out of bad relationships last year and I taught I finally found a good one. This week he suddenly started getting cool for no reason and stopped replying to messages and calls.
A friend told me she saw he was very active on a dating website and I was gutted, I had no idea he was talking to other girls. I tried to talk to him but he wouldn't take my calls and then text to say it was to serious to soon and ended it. I told him I knew he was on the website and his reply was he's single he can do what he likes.

For starters I can't believe he ended it by text but to be honest what hurts the most is he was actively looking for someone else while he was with me, I feel like anything we had was a complete lie & I was never good enough, it's like he turned into a completely different person overnight. Was I just naive and played?

I think you already know the answer to that one.

You've done nothing wrong so try not to beat yourself about what ifs etc.

He sounds like a douchebag so just realise you're better off without him and move on.

Try take things a little slowly - even spend some time with yourself rather than go looking for a bloke for the next couple of months

LegacyUser

Smirnoff7 wrote: »

Thanks, suppose i'm better in the long run but it feels like a kick in the stomach at the min.

That's a common feeling to have in your situation, but focus on the fact that his actions say nothing bad about you and nothing good about him. You dodged a bullet, smile at that and move on.

professore

He's a player. Told you what you wanted to hear. Did he start going cold after you slept with him? Or maybe you made it clear you wanted to wait?

leggo

You really can't take this too personally. I mean, look at the behaviour of him and men like him: having to lie and lead girls down a garden path just to get a bit of sex, cuddles, attention, whatever it was he was after. That's not 'playing' someone - that implies they outsmarted you or achieved something. That's just lying and being a bit desperate and pathetic.

What did you do? Took someone at their word, which is all you can really do in these situations without being a crazy person. This time it didn't work out, but isn't it better you're not wasting more time around someone who would do this to you? It has nothing to do with you being a fool or not good enough for anyone, and it has everything to do with how tough this guy clearly finds it to get the ride if he has to lie and deceive someone that much to do so.

Smirnoff7

professore wrote: »

He's a player. Told you what you wanted to hear. Did he start going cold after you slept with him? Or maybe you made it clear you wanted to wait?

No he didn't get cold after we slept together if anything he was more affectionate & contact was more frequent which makes it the more confusing