Every guy fades before 2 months : is it me?

LegacyUser

I've noticed a pattern and I'm starting to wonder if maybe I'm the issue. Every guy I have dated in the last three years seems to fade at about the two month mark. It starts with the the cute "thinking of you" messages stopping around week 5 and then him not initiating any messages after that but still being happy to reply to any of mine. I usually get the message around then and jump ship.

Am I just attracting the wrong guys or is it possible that I'm doing something without realising that is making them re-think me at that point? I'd genuinely like to hear any constructive criticism so I can fix this. I'm getting very frustrated with the situation and also with myself.

Xterminator

Hi Op

you havent given much information to make a judgement on.

Im going to ask you, do you think you might be smothering them with messages when you're not together? do you think you might be reading too much into how quickly they reply?

How much you are valued by your partner cannot be measured by speed of replies, or number of texts. Its how they treat you when you are with them, and if there is a spark, and a trust between you. Yes every relationship has a honeymoon period, but then good relationships are rewarding after that honeymoon period.

LegacyUser

Xterminator wrote: »

I'm going to ask you, do you think you might be smothering them with messages when you're not together? do you think you might be reading too much into how quickly they reply?

I usually take my cue from them - if they text quite a lot then I would too. I let them initiate almost all texts for the first couple of weeks, then I would initiate about 50/50. After a few weeks, I would initiate a fair bit even if they didn't.

Xterminator wrote: »

How much you are valued by your partner cannot be measured by speed of replies, or number of texts. Its how they treat you when you are with them, and if there is a spark, and a trust between you. Yes every relationship has a honeymoon period, but then good relationships are rewarding after that honeymoon period.

But shouldn't the honeymoon period last more than two months? Or is it normal for a guy to ease off a bit after that amount of time and after the exclusive conversation?

Riskymove

You only mention messages.....is this a primary method of communciation for you

You dump someone when they don't send enought texts to you?

Do you talk? meet regularly, face to face?

LegacyUser

Riskymove wrote: »

You only mention messages.....is this a primary method of communciation for you

You dump someone when they don't send enought texts to you?

Do you talk? meet regularly, face to face?

Yes, we would go on dates, etc. But if the dates become less often than once a week (and we have agreed that we are not dating other people) then I assume they aren't interested.

Maybe I jump ship too quickly to prevent myself from being hurt again.

LegacyUser

Is it me? wrote: »

Maybe I jump ship too quickly to prevent myself from being hurt again.

You've answered your own question alright. If you want something to develop, you're going to have to risk getting hurt, but that's no riskier than the strategy you're applying now which will definitely bring you more hurt in the long run. I'd also suggest you stop relying on texts. They can be good craic and handy for information, but if you need to communicate anything that potentially affects the relationship, do it face to face or at least call.

Lux23

If you rarely initiate contact and just wait for them to do so maybe you're the one giving off the vibes?

Rekop dog

Is it me? wrote: »

I usually take my cue from them - if they text quite a lot then I would too. I let them initiate almost all texts for the first couple of weeks, then I would initiate about 50/50. After a few weeks, I would initiate a fair bit even if they didn't.

Seems like you've put far too much thought into this. How about just acting normal? Letting them initiate all the early texts seems a bit princessy. Most level headed adults wouldn't have much time for such game playing and if this is any indicator of how you act in relationships it's probably no wonder people jump ship early.

bucketybuck

Regardless of any other details, I think it's worth pointing out that 2 months would actually be a reasonable time frame for two people to meet, feel attracted, spend some time together, and then move on if it was felt that there wasn't really a long term future there.

Nobody has to have done anything wrong here, it may simply have been a series of dates that didn't work out. Which would be absolutely normal human behaviour.

That doesn't mean there aren't behaviours there that you might want to consider, but it could also just mean that you haven't met the right guy yet.

Airyfairy12

We live in a Tinder/online dating obsessed society. People seem to get bored easily and are constantly on the look out for something 'new'. Its not you, its just how dating is these days.