What to say?

LegacyUser

Old Background: Parent fell ill and went to hospital, got worse and went into coma, We got the "call" family gathered for final moments......7 months later they died. Never really regained conciousness. I did not like that at all.....I actively avoided being in the hospital as much as possible, brethern the opposite, they there basically 24 hours. Not a fan of seeing parents like that.

Present: Other Parent fell ill, went into hospital, not looking well went into ICU and onto machines, slight improvement taking off machines. Got the "call" nothing more can be done, not on machines so concious but aware of whats coming. Wont be going back onto machines, make them as comfortable as possible for the next amount of time.


What do you say? They can see you and acknowledge your presence but you both know whats coming in the next day or 2.

I will not lie I am not good at this and I would not wish it on a single person, this sucks balls. I am not my brethren I know what they do/did is amazing but its not something I can do (it creates issues but I accept it) I do not like seeing people in this state, it is not something I deal with it well.

Tbh typing this out anon and reading it sort of helps.

rtron

This may or may not help - But My Partners parents when the same way.
My own Mum passed away similarly last month - very sad and sudden.

My Advice is be there when you can if not for the person who is sick for the rest of the Family. Its as hard on your brethren as it is on you. But get out for air when you need to and keep other aspects of your life going as best you can.

tracey turnblad

Let them lead and you follow... be yourself, if they want to talk about it allow them that if they don't... talk as you normally would have. Take care of yourself

Gregor Samsa

My condolences, it's a horrible situation to find yourself in.

My mother died knowing she was dying. By the time I got to the hospital, she had lost her sight and couldn't speak. But she could hear and squeeze my hand. She lasted about 3 hours from when I got there.

I told her l loved her, and that I'd stay with her. I told her that I had a printout of the first neonatal scan of what would have been her first grandchild with me, and that everything was perfect with the baby. I told her what a great mother she always was. Then I just held her hand and brushed the hair out of her face whenever it fell on her eyes.

With the state she was in, death was a relief for her. She wasn't scared.

Be yourself, don't feel the need to say anything profound, and if you can, treasure those last moments. Look after yourself.

Peonygrace

No words for a time like this. Everyone deals differently, try not to beat yourself up. You have your part to play too, maybe being there 24/7 just isn't it. Just try and treasure the remaining time you have. Go easy on yourself.

LegacyUser

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know from experience how hard it is.

You understandably are finding this extremely difficult, but nowhere near as difficult as the person who is dying. You don't have to say anything. Just be there.

Watched my mother dying distressed because some of her children weren't there with her when they could have been. Like you, they felt they couldn't deal with it.

Perhaps you are able to deal with the " issues" your brethren have with you. Can you deal with your parent's?

Sorry if this sounds harsh OP. I don't mean it to. It's time to toughen up and step up. One day, hopefully not for a very long time yet, it will be you lying in a bed waiting for the inevitable. Think about it.