Messaging issues while kids are away

Jesus Shaves

Post deleted

Big Bag of Chips

It sounds like she's trying to do the right thing. Maybe she feels that your partner is missing the kids and is just wanting to let her know they're ok and being well looked after. I don't think there's any bad intention on her part.

I assume, if she's texting a lot, that her and your partner are friendly and have a good relationship? I think your gf just needs to be straight, and say something like "I love my kids to bits and love hearing about what they get up to, but I also love the peace when they are away!! Only text me if there's a problem or emergency. I trust you and their dad will look after them, and I love letting them tell me what they've been up to once they get home. Honestly, I don't need you texting me their every move".

If she tries to keep it light it should be taken well.

As for phone being taken away, or internet being turned off, I don't think you can have a say in that. It's hardly the end of the world and it's the dad's rules. If you want them to deal with the kids and not bother you for the weekend, then you can't give out about how they deal with them while they're there!

mikeybrennan

I've been in that type of situation

Tbh i would just refrain from replying at all unless there's a need

I know you have to have a line of communication at all times when you have kids away so i would leave it open but only reply as necessary

myshirt

This woman is essentially cock blocking.

I would deal with it via a simple one liner. Please do not give me a blow by blow account of what the kids are doing. Do not reply to any texts that do not require a reply. Eventually she will back off.

Does this woman work? Has she something else to occupy her time than to try play happy families? My blood would boil if this was me, but you have to play the diplomatic card here. Short, sweet, to the point. And no more texts.

jimmycrackcorm

Op, if your partner doesn't want to receive messages then put the phone on silent.

Tbh, you're making a mountain out of a molehill, and the fact that this is an issue is a symptom of an underlying issue to deal with.

Jesus Shaves

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

It sounds like she's trying to do the right thing. Maybe she feels that your partner is missing the kids and is just wanting to let her know they're ok and being well looked after. I don't think there's any bad intention on her part.

I assume, if she's texting a lot, that her and your partner are friendly and have a good relationship? I think your gf just needs to be straight, and say something like "I love my kids to bits and love hearing about what they get up to, but I also love the peace when they are away!! Only text me if there's a problem or emergency. I trust you and their dad will look after them, and I love letting them tell me what they've been up to once they get home. Honestly, I don't need you texting me their every move".

If she tries to keep it light it should be taken well.

As for phone being taken away, or internet being turned off, I don't think you can have a say in that. It's hardly the end of the world and it's the dad's rules. If you want them to deal with the kids and not bother you for the weekend, then you can't give out about how they deal with them while they're there!

There's no good relationship, a civil one alright, it annoys my partner too, fair about about the internet and phones being taken away

Jesus Shaves

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Op, if your partner doesn't want to receive messages then put the phone on silent.

Tbh, you're making a mountain out of a molehill, and the fact that this is an issue is a symptom of an underlying issue to deal with.

Phone can't go on silent in case of an emergency, to be fair it is what it is, there's no mountain being made out there of a molehill, how would you like it if the one night a week you get to have free with your partner is consistently being disturbed by nonsensical messages the whole night, as my partner says she doesn't need the updates.

Jesus Shaves

myshirt wrote: »

This woman is essentially cock blocking.

I would deal with it via a simple one liner. Please do not give me a blow by blow account of what the kids are doing. Do not reply to any texts that do not require a reply. Eventually she will back off.

Does this woman work? Has she something else to occupy her time than to try play happy families? My blood would boil if this was me, but you have to play the diplomatic card here. Short, sweet, to the point. And no more texts.

I laughed cause that's exactly what she is, a cock block, she doesnt work but she has her kids and partner to be looking after at the weekends, ironically she sent 3 messsneger texts last night at 11 and when they were ignored a text message to my partner :rolleyes:

Jesus Shaves

mikeybrennan wrote: »

I've been in that type of situation

Tbh i would just refrain from replying at all unless there's a need

I know you have to have a line of communication at all times when you have kids away so i would leave it open but only reply as necessary

This was my advice, thanks

Big Bag of Chips

If the partner won't listen talk to the dad. He's the one who should be contacting in the case of an emergency anyway. Ask him to tell her to stop texting. That you only want to hear from them if there's something wrong.

Every time she texts, your partner should text her ex!

It'll eventually stop.

mikeybrennan

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

If the partner won't listen talk to the dad. He's the one who should be contacting in the case of an emergency anyway. Ask him to tell her to stop texting. That you only want to hear from them if there's something wrong.

Every time she texts, your partner should text her ex!

It'll eventually stop.

Sure, have a word if necessary

But don't go texting back every time you get a text- that's needlessly aggressive

Basically my partners kids go off to their dads every second weekend for one or 2 nights. They are picked up by my partners ex husbands partner

Just curious why is it the partner who picks them up and not the dad?

If your partner has a smart phone there is a mode called priority mode, which suppresses calls and notifications during hours you set. It will ring if theres a call, but wont buzz or bleep everytime a message comes in. I would use that. If something is wrong presumeably, they will call him not text. Next time they are gone for the night, enable priority mode, and put on a movie or something. After not receiving a reply to her first 3 or 4 messages she will hopefully get bored and get the hint.

bee06

Maybe I missed it but has your partner actually told her that she doesn't want to get this messages?

It's pretty easy to ignore messages anyway. I get nonsensical messages every day of the week in group chats on WhatsApp. If there is an emergency people generally call not text about it.

Jesus Shaves

Deleted User wrote: »

Just curious why is it the partner who picks them up and not the dad?

If your partner has a smart phone there is a mode called priority mode, which suppresses calls and notifications during hours you set. It will ring if theres a call, but wont buzz or bleep everytime a message comes in. I would use that. If something is wrong presumeably, they will call him not text. Next time they are gone for the night, enable priority mode, and put on a movie or something. After not receiving a reply to her first 3 or 4 messages she will hopefully get bored and get the hint.

The ex partner works

More texts last night and today, the person is now texting to arrange what time my partners ex will be here at to collect the kids at the weekend and where from which I find kind of odd, my partners ex could have text, after she made the arrangements she then texts my partners eldest and told him the time and place, something wh the ch my partner had already done, I'm beginning to think it's some kind of control thing.

Jesus Shaves

bee06 wrote: »

Maybe I missed it but has your partner actually told her that she doesn't want to get this messages?

It's pretty easy to ignore messages anyway. I get nonsensical messages every day of the week in group chats on WhatsApp. If there is an emergency people generally call not text about it.

Not yet, it's On the cards hence asking for advice

Loveinapril

l would actually see this coming from a good place, in that she wants their mam to know that they are okay/ eating/ sleeping/ enjoying themselves. Possibly covering her arse in letting their mam know every move in case there were to be any issues. When I first saw the thread title, I assumed it would be about the lack of contact when kids are with the other parent.

I can sense that you are p!ssed off about it, but I think you both need to tread carefully. You don't want to sour a civil relationship. I think Big Bag of Chips had great advice, a gentle text saying that there is no need to text, kids are being well minded and mam is having a bit of downtime etc. is grand. The tone of this message is very important though, there is no need to go in all guns blazing. I get that you love your downtime with your partner and being able to have a kids free weekend is a luxury but I would imagine as a parent too much contact is better than too little when your children are elsewhere.

Big Bag of Chips

I think it's funny that it is both partners with the issue here, and both parents seem to be standing back! It sounds like the stepmother is very heavily involved in the care of the children when they are on access time with their dad. Quite often happens!

Also you say in your post that you end up fighting with your partner because YOU think you should be spending the time away from the kids together.

It really is up to your gf to put a stop to the texts, if she wants to. If she hasn't said anything to the stepmother about not contacting her, then how is the stepmother to know she's doing wrong? Texting the eldest about the plans might be just her way of communicating. Yes, your gf could have told him, but it's obviously something the stepmother has organised.

To be honest, I think your gf should be grateful that her ex has a partner who is so interested in the children and so eager to include them, and be included in their lives. At least she knows the kids are being looked after and entertained.

Yes, the texts shouldn't be so frequent, but unless she's asked to stop she's not to know they're unwanted.

Milly33

Souds like you are looking for a moan... Think of it from the partners side, they arent her kids and she is looking after them. She is just making sure she is covered, get over it and appreciate that she does communicate with ye.. Ye dont have to ans the text messages, that is yer issue.. Ye can let them come in and then just say at the lets say 9pm thanks for the updates good to know.. It would be worse if she didnt tell ye anything... You cant say someone is Cock Blocking by sending a text message, haha if tis that easy to cock block you then well yeah enough said

Jesus Shaves

She hasn't said anything yet because she's asking for advice from numerous avenues before deciding what way to approach it, to put it simply she's the one not happy about the texts and I'm the one who's not happy about having to her going on about it for the whole weekends that the kids are away
The other person will be politely told in the coming days if my gf decides she wants to go down that route

LegacyUser

You can turn the alert off for messages while still leaving the ringer on for calls. If there was an emergency they would call not text. Does sound like your making a mountain out of molehill