My Mother Needs Help

LegacyUser

Hi there,

Posting anonymously for the moment. I would really appreciate some kind advice.

Basically, my mother has suffered from a personality disorder for as long as I can remember. For months she will burst into a manic period of being overly sociable, not sleeping, spending copious amounts of money she doesn't have etc followed by months of a depressed state of pulling her hair out, not leaving the house, not wanting to see anybody etc. All of these symptoms point towards bipolar disorder. Unfortunately, she never went to a doctor about her symptoms as she genuinely believes there is nothing wrong with her. I remember as a teenager being so upset with her behaviour and pleading with her to see a doctor however she would always try to turn it that there was something wrong with me and everybody else had a problem but her. For years her manic periods might last 2/3 months with her low periods lasting maybe 6 months or more.

However in recent years especially since myself and brother have left home her manic periods have become so much worse with the current one lasting almost 2 years. She might sleep for 2 hours a night, disappears for days on end literally driving around the country in her car, rarely eats, is never off the phone to strangers who she has met along her way, has a complete fascination of buying junk items and spending money that she doesn't have, can't answer a simple question like "how was your day?" without bursting into an angry rant about she can't leave the house without people questioning her actions etc. On two occasions we have rang the Gardai about her behaviour, once because of a disappearing act where she ended up in Wales and secondly because of her behaviour after a massive anger burst where she started walking through the fields in the middle of the night and we were genuinely concerned for her safety. Another thing is that she is incredibly smart and knows how to "turn it down a notch" when she has to. On both occasions with the Gardai a doctor on call was called and both times the said doctor said he could see no signs of psycotic symptoms.

Her behaviour has become so bad in recent years that my Dad's own mental health has deterioated over it. My dad is probably one of the most caring, friendly and hardworking people I know however over the years my mum has begun to hate him for no apparent reason. My dad can't even ask my mum how she is without him getting a wave of anger back. Mental illness aside, it is most definitely domestic violence. She has taunted and provoked him to the point my dad absolutely lost it with her one summer about two years ago. He did not lay a finger on her but had enough. The next day she went and got a barring order against him and he was forced to leave his own home.

Following the barring Order in July 2015 my Dad moved into rented accommodation for 6 months and to be honest, it did him the world of the good. He no longer came home after a day's work with a sick feeling in his stomach over what lay ahead that evening and his overall general health improved. Of course, it wasn't long before my mum slid back into a depressed zone- she relied a lot on his income as she has struggled to hold down jobs due to her behaviour when she is manic. My dad gave in as he loves her with part of him believing that she might change and moved back home however of course it wasn't long before her personality changed again.

Fast forward two years and my mum's manic episode is completely through the roof. My dad came into my office today literally shaking- he was faced with a backlash from her last night after she returned home after 3 days of not coming home. My dad simply asked where she had been and she completely went through him with rage. He broke down in work this morning and thankfully his work are understanding and send him home for a few days. His work colleagues and management are very aware of what goes on at home and advised him to make a statement with the Gardai this morning which he did. She is literally killing him. I couldn't help but burst into tears afterwards over just how sad and ruined he is.

I apologise for the long winded nature of my post however it is difficult to describe her behaviour in just a few sentences. I would greatly appreciate some advice on how we can go about helping her. As I already said, a Doctor on Call has examined her twice and can see no signs of psychotic behaviour. My dad cannot leave again as he is nearing retirement and simply does not have the money to continue paying for a house while renting another one. This woman needs help and we do not know what to do.

Skyfarm

As hard as it is to write and read, there's nothing you can do unless she wants to do it.

there's having a conversation with her GP, they can't disclose private info b ut they will listen and if there aware there's a problem will look and support going forward

.http://www.amen.ie/

can your dad approach Amen? they can support him re court and barring order with goods solid advice(like keeping records of abusive behaviour)







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Wesser

I think the Dr on call is not in a position to make a call like this. He us just providing emergency cover and isn't like a regular go who takes on patients for the long haul, gets to know them over many years. You may have to engage her gp several times over time+++ in order for them to see the truth / understand. . Even if they Do, fundamentally, they can't force yout mother r to have care ie medication etc unless she poses a risk to herself or others. Only Then she can invoke invoke mental health legislation..

volchitsa

She does pose a risk to herself if she's staying out overnight when she's unwell though. I think you need to ask the GP to consider starting the procedure for involuntary admission, based on the risk she's posing to herself, and quite possibly to others if she is driving in a manic state. In our case the initial admission to a mental health unit was after admission to the normal A&E for an accident caused by our relaotvie's manic state, so I don't know what the normal procedure is for someone who is still at home, but it's certainly the case that her GP was pretty hopeless, prescribing her anti depressants when that really wasn't indicated and despite her multiple visits to him because she had all sorts of (imaginary) illnesses. OTOH we didn't realize what was happening at the start either, and even after her admission I really had to follow things closely. I didn't have a great experience of psychiatry in general TBH (eg the first relapse was identified as someone with longstanding manic depression, which wasn't the case at all, it had only been a few weeks previous!)

It's very complicated but you have to keep insisting on getting treatment for her, for all of you, OP. It's terribly sad to hear how you feel she has ruined your dad's life when in fact she's probably terribly unwell and not in charge of her behaviour.

Wesser

If you feel she poses a risk then you can always have a look at the mental health website and find out what to do next. You could always print off an application form for an invuntary admission and fill.it in and present it to her go. Then she will be compelled to assess her.