How do you know when it's time to end a marrige?

lulu1

A friend of mine has been married 30 years with 3 children in their teens and 20ies. Her marrige she says has never been 100% happy but they just plodded along. I wasn't surprised when she told me this because whenever i visited I felt things were strained. As well the husband is always making jokes at her expence which he thinks is funny... My friend says she knows their two famlies know what he's like but to outsiders he is a lovely man.
She says this past 6 month has been hell. She cant open her mouth or there will be a fight.
Everything she says or dose is wrong She says it's got to the stage now where she dosen't even cook for him. Her teenage daughter tells her to ignore him. but it's hard to do when they live together

She says it has crossed her mind more than once to end it but why should she leave her home

One_Of_Shanks

Marriages and relationships generally are full of moments where either party feels like packing it in or considers the possibility.
Nothing unusual in what you described there.
My wife scarcely ever cooks for me unless its a special occasion so I wouldn't go reading too much into trivial issues like that.
Who cares about who does the cooking?

Nothing there sounds awfully bad. You should consider leaving them to it, and see how it goes for a while.
If it keeps getting worse then ok but for now I don't see any big invite there for you to get involved between them so step back and let them try to sort it between themselves.

lulu1

One_Of_Shanks wrote: »

Marriages and relationships generally are full of moments where either party feels like packing it in or considers the possibility.
Nothing unusual in what you described there.
My wife scarcely ever cooks for me unless its a special occasion so I wouldn't go reading too much into trivial issues like that.
Who cares about who does the cooking?

Nothing there sounds awfully bad. You should consider leaving them to it, and see how it goes for a while.
If it keeps getting worse then ok but for now I don't see any big invite there for you to get involved between them so step back and let them try to sort it between themselves.

Oh God no I wouldnt dream of getting of getting involved.

buried

I'd stay right the f**k out of it.

The only time I know when its time to end something is when its time to stop drinking.

I know F**k all about marriage witchcraft

dreamers75

Leave them to it, for all you know they are happy and **** but love bitching about each other.

MistyCheese

Unless her home is gold plated and includes Ricky Martin and Leonardo DiCaprio as topless butlers then she maybe should consider leaving her home because her ultimate happiness is way more important. It might not be fair but often life isn't. All too often bullies, loudmouths, those empty vessels which make the most noise get to fuck you over and that's not fair but you need to think of yourself and your own happiness and take care of No.1. It sounds like this ladys' children are grown and would be supportive of their parents going their separate ways.

Maybe advise her not to fall for the sunken costs fallacy and go be happy now. It's never too late to go for your own happiness. The alternative is continuing to not be happy. Don't not be happy when you can be happy.

Robsweezie

Constant lies, from small stuff to the big whoppers.

Heckler

When you have nothing left to say to each other.

Tell me how

I think after she talks to her husband as she does to you and sees if there is anything there worth fighting for to stay together.

If he is willing to discuss the marriage and the fact that she's nearing the end of her resolve and that they then both consciously work on it then.

You're hearing her story, he may be very upset also and want things to be better but they'll only find out by talking.

To those who say it's not that bad, 20 years of doing anything that doesn't help you get closer to an acceptable level of happiness sounds horrendous.

Ending a marriage is significant, moreso with children involved and their ability to deal with this need to be considered also.

She may be letting off steam when talking to you so I definitely wouldn't get involved outside of supporting her.

Donald Trump

End it as soon as you have the opportunity to hook up with a Slovenian model half your age

osarusan

In general, don't assume that other couples (or one of the couple) behaving in a way that would make you deeply unhappy must therefore make them deeply unhappy. It doesn't work like that.

Jim Bob Scratcher

When there is zero intimacy

Skyfarm

when you get a friend to post on After hours to seek advice

ToddyDoody

lulu1 wrote: »

She says this past 6 month has been hell. She cant open her mouth or there will be a fight.
Everything she says or dose is wrong She says it's got to the stage now where she dosen't even cook for him. Her teenage daughter tells her to ignore him. but it's hard to do when they live together

Could always try marriage counselling?

caniask86

I find this interesting..

When you have a relationship things are usually amazing for the first 2 years and then its work to keep a relationship alive, its rewarding work tho. When you are younger you tend to think the relationship is going downhill and break up and then have a few different relationships until it sinks in, usually similar issues arise cause that is life.

Marriage however makes you take a bit of stock and work harder. I don't know why because its just a bit of paper but it does make you work harder.
Then lets not forget the 7 year itch you start to think when you have a big fight, maybe there is better etc because wouldn't that be easier? Then you might jump into a new relationship the thrill the rush and then boom reality and the honeymoon period is over and you are left with regret.

Anyway I am getting off track, of course there are issues that i didn't take into account.. Cheating, abuse etc These are things that you cant fix.

Anyway everyone is different but for me personally if communication stopped or if I couldn't be myself, if i felt more unhappy than happy and if the other person wants willing to try then It would be over I guess. A marriage can over survive if both people want it too.

shamrock55

When your not getting any action

caniask86

shamrock55 wrote: »

When your not getting any action

ugh marriage can go through dry spells tho!

Outlaw Pete

When you go online and search for 'How to make an omelette with no eggs' but when you get to 'How to m...' Google immediately autocompletes it to 'How to murder someone and make it look an accidental death'.

the_pen_turner

always remember that there are 3 sides to every story. she's blaming him, he's blaming her but they are both wrong

jca

When your "Friend" can't spell it....