Mom triggering my sadness and disordered eating

claire38900

Hi all, I'm a bit lost and would like some advice.

So my relationship with my mom has been getting a bit worse recently. It's always not been great and I've always had slight resentment towards her as long as I can remember but in her older age she is becoming more aggressive and less patient and rational.

I haven't really been feeling myself the past year. I've been quite down and felt quite low. I've had a lot of trouble with food and eating and all that type of stuff. what's worse is I feel very very depressed about the fact that my clothes are a bit tighter and it's constantly on my mind, but my mom is pointing out I've put on weight and has no respect for the fact that those comments deeply upset me. She is obsessed with weight and looks and it's definitely the reason I have issues now.

I'm stuck at home for the summer. I have no job because I haven't been able to get one yet despite applying everywhere. I'm used to living in cork away from home in college and not having to deal with the constant worry of my mother until the odd weekend when I come home. It's already had me so down and it's only the beginning. I feel like if she calls me a nasty person or tells me I've put on weight or says something bad about my friends again it'll make me so down that I won't be able to handle it. I was in counselling when I was in college but now I don't have that method of letting things out so I don't know what to do. I know I probably need to address he root of the issue which is my own sadness and despair but if she's going to keep upsetting me I don't see the point in trying to help myself. And of course I don't have any money so I can't get medical help without her help. Has anyone any advice on how to put up with this sort of scenario.


My dad is around and is great but his personality is not strong enough to really have any affect on my moms behaviour.

Skyfarm

Hi, op.as person who has kids grown up I can honestly say my kids act like children when the walk in the door and only a few weeks ago my eldest and youngest had a fight over jelly's, while joyful it showed me that they are just acting out like they would as kids.it all so showed me that we all revert back to childhood for safety and comfort

is your mother treating you this way because of her own insecurities and what she experienced as a child? it doesn't excuse it, but can lead you to understand the whys

are you being too hard on yourself? are you giving control of your life to your mother before defending yourself?

how about writing out boundaries and telling yourself what you won't accept in order to lead a fuflied life,

how about ringing piets hse or Samaritans to talk it through or a counsellor? so you can move forward and give people their baggage that they are trying to give you, it also helps just to be listened to




does your mother realise what she is saying is hurtful and is having a huge effect? write a letter get a friend or family member to help you

can you chat to her and say what you want and need?
you don't have to accept this only you can change it, refuse to allow you to be treated this way

best of luck op

Rekop dog

Try go out running every day. Will have obvious benefits for your weight issue but you'll also feel far better mentally. Challenge yourself to reach a certain distance by the end of the summer.

And if you can't find paid work perhaps do some volunteering, maybe something that's applicable to your college course.

Basically keep busy, simple advice but indulging in your own self pity is the worst thing you can do.

xzanti

Rekop dog wrote: »

Try go out running every day. Will have obvious benefits for your weight issue but you'll also feel far better mentally. Challenge yourself to reach a certain distance by the end of the summer.

Basically keep busy, simple advice but indulging in your own self pity is the worst thing you can do.

Are you for real? Going for a run is going to solve her problems?

OP your Mother has no right to make you feel like this, she has no right to comment on your appearance. She sounds like she has a lot of issues herself to be honest, this is not your fault.

By the sounds of it you are not being supported emotionally within your home. Would you consider counselling?

The Marino Therapy Centre are excellent in dealing with eating distress.

www.marinotherapycentre.com

Or you could try Pieta House if you are strapped for cash. Everything they do is voluntary.

www.pieta.ie

Best of luck.

Rekop dog

xzanti wrote: »

Are you for real? Going for a run is going to solve her problems?

Yes! It's really not that controversial. Regular exercise is one of the keys to staying slim or getting slimmer and has proven mental health benefits as well. Do you disagree?

I didn't say it will solve all her problems but I'd even say her mother issues would be far more manageable if she felt better about herself.

xzanti

Rekop dog wrote: »

Yes! It's really not that controversial. Regular exercise is one of the keys to staying slim or getting slimmer and has proven mental health benefits as well. Do you disagree?

I didn't say it will solve all her problems but I'd even say her mother issues would be far more manageable if she felt better about herself.

This goes deeper than keeping fit. She is depressed and her Mother appears to be quite destructive to her mental health.

Also, telling someone who is clearly depressed to "stop indulging in self pity"?

Rekop dog

xzanti wrote: »

This goes deeper than keeping fit. She is depressed and her Mother appears to be quite destructive to her mental health.

Also, telling someone who is clearly depressed to "stop indulging in self pity"?

She mentions she's "stuck" at home for the summer. I'm merely pointing out it doesn't have to be that way and doing things that will build self worth and stave off the boredom is vital, instead of having too much time on your hands and overthinking everything.

MistyCheese

And sometimes going for a run can be an awful idea. Trapped alone with your negative thoughts despite using headphones to listen to music.

Don't get me wrong - in the right frame of mind a run can be great and it can clear your head and get your endorphins going but it's not for everyone.

LegacyUser

Hi all, I haven't really been feeling much better although I haven't been having as much trouble with my mom.

With regards to going for a run, I understand exercise is great for mental health but it's not really going to cure this issue, I don't know iD you've ever felt true despair but a run won't help me. I have trouble with eating and so if I were to exercise iD probably lose weight too quickly as well.

I still haven't found a job and I'm a bit up and down.ci have some good days but mostly bad. My best days are the ones when I'm hungry and in control of my food which is so sad to say but it's gotten to that point now. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, I'll keep going for a while longer and then see if it's worth a bigger battle.

Emme

Everyone is different but running helped me beat an eating disorder. I started in my late 20s after a really bad break-up from a live in relationship with an abusive man who told me I was too skinny when we first started dating and fed me up. Then when I put on some weight he told me I was too fat and used to eat a whole bar of chocolate in front of me and told me I didn't deserve any because of my weight. An eating disorder which had been dormant since my teens came back with a vengeance and he kicked me out of the house when he found out about it. I had to move back with my conservative parents who told me I got what I deserved for living with somebody before getting married.

My self esteem was on the floor. I started going for long walks and got back into fitness (the abusive ex had stopped me from going to the gym because it interfered with me doing the housework!). I hadn't run before but the long walks became runs. I also quickly realised that I had to eat properly to have the stamina to run. After a few weeks I felt great. I did my first 10K after a few months in a time of less than 60 minutes.

OP would you consider doing a couch to 5K to start and if you like running progress from there? Running is great if you have the time and space to do it. It would be a great way for you to get out of your parents house.

I also recommend that you contact Bodywhys or get some other help with your eating disorder.