How to deal with friend with mental health issues

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Ms Doubtfire1

I was in a relationship with a mentally ill partner. It drains you. I can't really give much advise on how to step away without completely detaching yourself if that's not what you want, but I would very strongly suggest you see a counselor yourself and get good, solid advice. At the end of the day, you are being dragged in a downward spiral that isn't your own. You can only help to a certain degree - after that, it's up to the specialist. Talk to one yourself and see what they say..good luck.

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JanScott

I agree that the medical system has failed your friend big time. They're eager to throw medication at you but without finding the root cause (or causes) of the behaviour, meds can only do so much. Plus, when your body gets used to the meds you either have to up the dose or quit what you're taking and try something else. It sucks.

You're not your friend's therapist, though. There's only so much you can do, and it sounds like you're already going above and beyond in trying to help her. Like you said it's your friend's responsibility to stick with the treatment for as long as it takes to break through whatever it is that's causing her issues.

To that, I'd add that finding a licensed psychotherapist (NOT a counselor/guru/motivational trainer or whatever else is fancy at the moment) that works for her is very important. Verbal therapy can do a lot of things that meds can't - the least of which is that she'd be forced to talk to someone without resorting to her usual tactics. This I know from experience. If your friend is from Dublin, I wholeheartedly recommend the Arduna psychotherapy centre in Clontarf - I've been in therapy there for a long time and it's helped me more than any medication I was ever on. (*Mods, if it's not allowed to suggest places, please feel free to delete!) I'm no therapist myself but she seems like she desperately wants people to give her her attention and to tell her that she's OK. I think getting to the bottom of why that is would be one of the first things she'd need to do in therapy.

It also sounds like she's using suicide threats to emotionally blackmail you. It's a terrible position to be in. Realistically, though, she's the sole person responsible for what she ends up doing or not doing. I'm sorry if it sounds harsh but you also need to protect your own mental health, because this kind of relationship can be so emotionally draining. There's nothing wrong with putting some distance between the two of you, even temporarily. She might just find someone else to use as a sounding board or to get whatever validation she needs for her obsessions, and you'd have the time to recover and maybe approach her with fresh patience sometime in the future.

Hope this helps.
-Jan

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JanScott

Yeah, I'd imagine she wouldn't like talking to a mental health professional who calls her out on her BS rather than validate it. Gurus and life coaches generally tell you what you want to hear and take your money without offering any real value for it. They're also very charismatic though so I assume that's how they dupe intelligent people...

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groovyg

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If you are coming away from meet ups feeling like this then maybe you need to take a step back otherwise it will impact on your own mental and physical health.

Wesser

I think it is really unfair to say that the medical community have failed her. It's her who rejects them and plays them off each other and manipulates them and then moves on. Not them!! You even said so yourself.

LynnGrace

groovyg wrote: »

If you are coming away from meet ups feeling like this then maybe you need to take a step back otherwise it will impact on your own mental and physical health.

Absolutely agree with this. It is a tough situation, I know, but you have to watch out for your own health too.

Big Bag of Chips

Her behaviour is obviously destructive but as part of her illness she can't recognise that. People around her can see it, but she hasn't the capability to deal with it. I agree that there's only so much doctors can do for her. They can't chase her around making sure she continues meds and insisting she sticks with one doctor only. She needs to take responsibility for herself, and obviously its a vicious cycle because she can't do that at the moment.

I don't think it's your job though to do it for her. It really is down to her family, or someone very very close to her who will monitor her, daily. Who will insist she takes her medication and who will supervise her taking it. Someone who will keep on top of her appointments and make sure she attends. Her erratic behaviour and flipping and switching is all part of the illness. And it's all a desperate attempt to find something that works. You're living outside of it and you're drained. Imagine how exhausted she is living with it all in her head every minute.

Unfortunately sometimes meds needs to be changed and adjusted to find the right stuff. I know of people who were on various concoctions for up to 4 or 5 years before hitting on a blend/dosage that helped. Even at that meds are monitored and adjusted regularly. Because it can take so long and seem so hopeless lots of people do self medicate, and self diagnose, and self refer to various things. It's both being willing to try anything, and maybe being a bit afraid of admitting something particular and desperately trying something else.

It's not easy. For the sufferer, or for those closest to them.

Aware do support groups for families and friends, depending on where you are in the country. It might be worth getting in touch.