Life in my 30's

LegacyUser

I know this is may seem like a non problem, but I can't get passed it and I don't know how to deal with it.

My bad thoughts have been there for so long, but it has gotten out of control (crying randomly, this morning on the bus - which was mortifying) when I found out one of my siblings is having a baby (i feel enormous guilt thinking about myself during this happy time) ever since I found out all I can think is how I probably won't ever have the "normal" things people get when they are in their 30's all of my siblings are either married or in very secure relationships, secure good jobs and good money all having their own house / in a position to buy one right now.

I on the other hand going on 32, have no money, went back to college this year, because I could never find secure work(Now just finished my course), I am dating (and in love) with someone who doesn't exactly have a super high paying job (not really room from promotion/ progression in his line either), he also doesn't have any savings (also going on 32), but I love him and we have a good relationship. But all i can think ..is..im probably never going to be able to buy the house I want, I can't even see children in my future at this stage ..it seems to improbable to me. Not only that but I was seriously ill with cancer in my 20's and there is a chance I am infertile, although I haven't been tested this is something that just brings me down.

What brings me down the most is how I find it so difficult to feel happy for people (of course I am delighted for my sibling, but every happy occassion comes with...."will my life ever be on track". I also feel my family all feel a bit sorry for me, one sibling saying that I probably will never been in a position to buy a house.

these negative thoughts are seriously affecting me. A friend of mine married rich had a child last year, they are so wealthy they have been able to go to ibiza this year on holidays + 2 other holidays (5 star hotel all this - without the child because they can afford childcare for two weeks) ...I can't even afford a cheap trip to spain hahaha ..I can't even listen to her talking about her life, cos I just get depressed, and as a result I barely contact her anymore.

I don't know what to do, I resent everyone, and now I am even finding I am resenting my partner for not wanting to find a career to progress in and make more money..which is so silly because that is his decision. But even my family have made comments about him not having the greatest job (all my siblings have partners with high paying jobs) I feel I am losing all sense and pushing those around me away.

I know it is just a case of get over it...grow up, take responsibility, but the sadness is just overwhelming I don't know what to do/deal with it

pilly

Hi OP, if you find yourself crying randomly have you considered you may have depression? That would be affecting your outlook on life and your view of others. Sometimes it can make a person very self centred.

Look, you obviously hit a bump in the road when you became seriously ill during your 20's and that has delayed your plans but it's also a sign of your strength that you're going to college and getting things on course now. You have a boyfriend you love and you have family and friends. It's so much more than a lot of people have.

Try not to keep saying "I should" and instead say "I will". You will have all the things you want in life eventually.

team_actimel

You need to focus on your own happiness, stop comparing your life to others and start living it.

Focus on the positives:

- Well done on completing your course. A great achievement and you're bound to find work soon.

- You're so lucky to be in a good healthy relationship with someone you love.

- You beat cancer! This itself should be a reminder that life is so precious. Don't be wasting your time comparing yourself to others.

You are the only one in control of your thoughts. Have you tried mindfulness/meditation? Through daily practice you can change your mindset into a more positive one.

Wesser

You have so much going for you. you just have to focus on the positives.
My Mother married a man with no permamant job, they didi not have much, but they always had an income...and a modest hosue........... they are so much in love now in their 70s it is amamzing
her sister, my aunt, married a man with lots of money, all inherited, they bought a massive house in howth.. and was so chronically miserable in her marriage, he abused her physically and emotioanally for 40 years +
you have so much going for you. most people would give anything for love. you need to build on what you have. step my step. both of you trying to further your educational and job oppurtunities.
you have a great future ahead of you but not if you keep with a negative attitude

shesty

Ah OP, I think maybe you need to have a little chat with someone. Negative thinking is very spiralling and feeds itself and when it comes to money, it can take over your life.I've been there with unemployment.But I did have to go talk to a counsellor amd it did me the world of good just to hear another anonymous (ie unknown to me or my family) person's view of me and my thinking process.You have a lot going for you.And honestly, there's no perfect time to have kids, you really need to believe that.You could always be in a better job, not in a rented house, closer to family, working less hours....whatever.You just kind of priorities what's important to you and let everything else sort itself out.But there's no harm in asking for help, someone to talk to.

LegacyUser

I'm nearly 3 years older than you OP. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I work but it is low paying and it doesn't pay well. I live at home unable to afford rent. I may never be able to afford my own home. I would have to live the life of a recluse for 15 years just to able to afford something. I'm in a relationship with someone I love. We got really well. He is in low paying work too. I would love to have a baby but I may never be able to afford a child. The future scares me so much.

I have 3 lovely brothers who are doing better than me. Thing is, I don't resent them. Life is poor for me but I work on my hobbies and I'm good and happy.

LimerickSports

I know how you feel I'm in the same position only I don't have a girlfriend and I'm on my own was good hearing your story, and things will work out some how it's hard to think positive sometimes but it is very important to do so as negative thoughts can be very dangerous and even lead to suicide