Why Bother?

Totallycrazy

Basically a group of 5 of us meet up every two months for a night out. We have done this for last 4 years.
On Monday night we were to meet up at 7 in local restaurant.
I was all ready to go when my husband got very sick and had to be rushed to hospital. And is still in hospital.
When we got to hospital I texted the girls who I was meant to meet up with and said sorry and explained the situation. None of them even bothered replying.
I've heard nothing from them not to even say is all ok.

However my daughter came home from school today and said that one of theses woman's daughter said to her that your mam is selfish my mam said your mam couldn't be bothered coming out Monday night how hard is it to keep one night every two months free.
And that they were all in there house after dinner talking about me.

I am so mad and upset for my daughter as well as she was in awful way telling me.

Ursus Horribilis

Are these the same people who you had problems with in this thread? http://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057740896/1

Airyfairy12

Did your daughter tell this girl that her dad really is in hospital?

How totally insensitive of those women, theyre not your friends. Its up to you if you continue to keep in touch with them but id be cutting my losses.

Meauldsegosha

Are you sure the text message sent? It's happened to me before where I wondered why someone wasn't replying only to discover the message never sent. It seems unusual that none of them would reply.

If they did see the message you need to get new friends.

Ursus Horribilis

It doesn't sound good at all but I'd be trying to establish the facts first before making any decisions.

nikkibikki

I'd be very tempted to text something like this.

"So, I'm selfish now for going with my husband to hospital? I don't need "friends" like ye. I've enough to be dealing with."

That might be too childish though but don't sit back and let them treat you like that. Any real friend would understand that of course your husband being rushed to hospital trumps pretty much everything else. They sound like a right pack with their b!tching session around the table.

Tigger99

Some people thrive on bitching sessions to distract from their own unhappy lives. Even if you didn't have a good reason for attending, which I know you did, that would still be no excuse for what she said to your daughter. Do you really want to hang round with such a negative bunch of people?

Guy Sajer

Maybe I have too much faith but I think it's a good point above that the message probably didn't send.
I can't imagine that all the others are equally ignorant and cold.

If it is true, I wouldn't bother with them anymore.

zoobizoo

Be an adult and phone in future.


The number of these types of incidents I've heard of as a result of texts instead of picking up the phone to say "I can't make it I'm at the hospital"

That said, the mother should have said nothing to the daughter

Pelvis

zoobizoo wrote: »

Be an adult and phone in future.


The number of these types of incidents I've heard of as a result of texts instead of picking up the phone to say "I can't make it I'm at the hospital"

That said, the mother should have said nothing to the daughter

Sending a text is not being childish. It is a fast and easy way to communicate and is especially useful when your husband has a sudden need to go to A&E.

Totallycrazy

Thanks for all the replies. I know that the texts went through because my mother playsgolf with one of their mothers and she told my mother that her daughter got text from me saying husband is in hospital

Mostly upset for my daughter to have to listen to these comments shes upset enough about her dad

Big Bag of Chips

So what do you want to do next? Personal Issues is an advice forum, so I assume you posted here looking for advice.

You should approach the mother of the girl who said something to your daughter to clarify what actually happened. What was said amongst the group, what was repeated in front of the girl and why she came and said it to your daughter. Have you ever had issues with the group before? I assume if you all meet up every couple of months that you must get on pretty well?

It's all well and good being mad, and being upset for your daughter but unless you actually address it incidents like this are likely to continue happening. I couldn't let something like that go. I'd have to say something. At least by addressing it you are letting them know that you know what was said.

bp

If it is a group message (eg viber) I would text the group saying "hubby still in hospital but recovering thankfully. Such a shame I had to miss dinner - being in hospital watching him being so sick was scary. Kids upset too "

And let them stew

Ursus Horribilis

Going by this issue and the other one, it makes me wonder do you have a problem with people walking all over you?

I would definitely try to establish the facts first. You're acting on third hand information here. The word of two teenage girls. Is there any chance that one of them took it up wrong (remote, yes). You're going to have to talk to them and find out what they said. Then use your judgement.

_Whimsical_

I say wait until you've had a little time and things are ok with your husband. Try and forget them until then. You don't need your headspace taken up with people who don't deserve it.

When things are a bit better to approach them or text and say you were very hurt and confused by their reaction to you when you were going through a very difficult time, that you had considered them friends but they really didn't act like it. Don't go in with anger or demands, be truthful and say it was very hurtful to receive no support or concern.

If they have any humanity they'll be quick to apologise and say they'll do better in future. If not... let them go, to the rest of us they're already looking like they're not worth your time, if they don't step up when you put it to them straight then you'll know for sure if it's the case and can walk away.

Right now if your husband is still sick that's your priority and try to park thinking about these people if you can for your own sake.

Eimee90

Op, did something else happen? It's so bizarre for anyone to ignore and then b### about someone who has a serious emergency. Something else must have gone down.

Totallycrazy

I rang one of them while ago my daughter was meant to go to her house tomorrow and just said sorry about missing other night. She didnt even ask how my.husband is. Just said cant take emma tomorrow as planned and said she had to go.

Cant think of anything that I did ir said to cause this behaviour.

Am going to forget about them and focus on my family

Estrellita

Would you have been late or a no-show before? If you have a track record of being unreliable then perhaps they don't believe you or something. I find it hard to understand why they would be that cruel or unconcerned for your husband if it was just this one isolated incident.

If it genuinely is, then they aren't what you might call friends.

jamesthepeach

Phone calls are her only man.
Texting is just asking for this kind of bunkum to happen.

Big Bag of Chips

There has to be more to this, OP. You've been going out with this group for the past 4 years, and suddenly they're all turning on you? All of them? When your husband is in hospital? And one of their daughters is being bitchy to your daughter.

There's more going on then you're posting, or maybe than you know about.

EmmaH1997

Hi OP these "friends" are no better than enemies.Truly shocked at their ignorance when your hub is sick in hopsital and them having the nerve to bitch in front of children knowing that children talk to friends. Their children also sound like little insensitive brats, telling your little daughter all about it. No empathy in either the adults or children.

You truly don't need these people in your life at all. If I were you, I might try and make them feel bad about it but honestly don't think they would ever acknowledge their wrongs.

Hope all is well now with your husband and family

jamesthepeach

Just a thought. Maybe they have figured out you are posting on boards about your experiences with them. Then they would be p1ssed

Totallycrazy

Thanks for replies in the four years ive never missed any night out and ive never been late. So cant understand why there carrying on like this.

Big Bag of Chips

Well then there's something else going on and the only way to find out is by asking them. It could be crossed wires. It could be somebody feels slighted or wronged over something you don't even realise you've done.

If they are good friends then you should try find out what's going on. If you think the friendships are worth it. If you don't, then just let them go. But I know if it was me, and it was a close group of long standing friends, I'd have to ask what's going on.

Ursus Horribilis

This is twice now that you've run into problems with other people in recent weeks. After a while you've got to ask yourself the question about who the common denominator in all of this is. Why all this drama? Why all these parents/acquaintances/friends giving you the short end of the stick?