Over share when im drunk

Shoebox1926

Hi everyone, this is an embarrassing problem and something ive tried to stop myself from doing but just cant seem too. I dont drink that often but when I do after 2 or 3 pints I start spilling out my life story whether people want to hear it or not, its like my brain switches off and my mouth starts running and I say whatever comes to mind, for days, weeks and even months after a night out I cant help but cringe and feel humiliated at the way I acted and things I said. On a number of occasions ive seen people get v uncomfortable and sometimes even annoyed at my constant 'me me me' and i dont blame them, I just dont understand why I do it. I dont have allot of friends and im not particularly close to the ones I have, I work from home too so maybe that explains it to some extent, I spend allot of time in my own head but ive had this problem since I started drinking in my twenties. Im not as bad as I used to be, I had allot of issues that would come out to anyone and everyone after a few drinks and id ramble on about my family, mother, childhood problems I had ect...im cringing just typing that,
im not so bad now but do still reveal personal information. I even gave some stranger my facebook password one night and ive revealed things about my health/mental health ect that id never do when sober. As I said its not very often I drink anymore, maybe once every few months for a birthday or something and I try to limit how much I drink when out.

Does anyone else do this? Id love to be able to have the craic with a few pints but its always ended in a cringe fest for me the next day. I duno why im posting really? any advice or insight maybe?

bikubesong

I don't drink anymore, but I don't judge people who do, and I'm always wary of sounding patronising if I say 'you don't need drink to have a good time!' But if this issue is causing you so much stress and humiliation, is it honestly worth it?

I've been in your shoes before, especially when I had a lot of issues bottled up inside me. Drink loosens your inhibitions and it's so tempting to vent and seek reassurance from others. But if you're consumed by regret the next day, you've got to decide whether the release you feel in the moment outweighs the negative feelings afterwards. Have you had any counselling or therapy where you could open up about these things?

Why not switch to non-alcoholic beers for your next night out and see how you get on? It'll give off the impression you're drinking so you won't have to answer any awkward questions, but you'll be in full control of what you do and don't disclose to others. If you don't drink very much anyway, surely it's not much of a loss, and you might enjoy yourself without the horrible next-day fear.

Sorry to sound blunt, but if you find you're doing this after just two or three pints, then I can't really see any option other than steering clear of alcohol when you're out altogether, at least for a little while so you can see how you get on! Drink doesn't suit a lot of us, sadly, but you'll gain confidence in socialising without it and you won't have to deal with the humiliation the next day. Best of luck.

GritBiscuit

Maybe try to look on the positive side of things...lots of people have a whole raft of issues and don't know where to begin to resolve them.

You know. You know exactly how to end the issue tomorrow. I appreciate you may not want to knock drink on the head but if that's what is creating all your problems....that's the obvious solution.

Long term, maybe look into counselling or the like and see what about your life and your story you are trying to share and why. Why you over-share and over-trust.

Best of luck!

Tell me how

GritBiscuit wrote:

Long term, maybe look into counselling or the like and see what about your life and your story you are trying to share and why. Why you over-share and over-trust.

I'd agree with this. I suspect your inhibitions are lowered when drinking and your primary desire is to share.

The reasons for this? We could all speculate but for the most part (definitely the case for me) are unqualified to do so.

Good therapy could help you explore this, that I'd be quite sure of. Doesn't have to be 3 times a week for a year, couple of sessions with someone you click with could help explore it.

leggo

Agree with the counselling suggestion. You've obviously got some stuff on your mind you're looking to let out, so it'd be a very intelligent decision to do so in a controlled environment with someone that can help you with what you're looking for.

As for the drinking, that's tricky. The first thing to understand and accept is that, put simply, not everyone can drink in the same way. Some people can have 15 pints on a Saturday night and just remain good craic, remember everything the next day and not do anything embarrassing. When I was younger, some nights I could have what'd be classed as a good-but-not-irresponsible-session and make an absolute show of myself...then on other nights I could drink like a fish all night and be totally fine. We can't control this, so all we can do is adjust accordingly to the circumstances we're presented. I now limit when and where I drink, how much I drink depending on who I'm with (e.g. if I'm out with a big gang of work colleagues, I'll drink pints slowly and usually disappear home about 11pm, whereas if I'm with trusted mates for life who'll watch out for me, I can let loose a bit). You can get used to making excuses for not drinking or going pint-glass of water-pint (e.g. up early in the morning), that kinda thing. And, once you do put these limits and measures of control on your drinking, you really will feel the benefit and thank yourself.

Lastly, remember that not everyone is judging you. In fact, the vast majority aren't. If you're drinking with someone, unless it's like a first date with someone from Tinder you've never met or something, they already know you and like you to get to that point. They know what you're like and, if they're still choosing to drink with you, they obviously like you for who you are. So maybe some of the reactions you're sensing are a bit in your head. And, to those that are actually judging you...well **** them. You are who you are and, if this is the worst thing you do, then you're by no means a bad person. Be you, be proud of being you who does nothing worse in her life than oversharing a bit while drunk (which we all do at times), and if someone is going to judge you for that then their opinion isn't worth you caring about.

Shoebox1926

Thanks everyone for your help, I have been in and out therapy and it did really help but I still end up revealing too much, getting into heavy conversation and get too close and personal with people when drinking when they havnt asked for it. Over trusting would be a great description. I will take the advice given, next time I go out ill stick to one pint or not drink at all and see how that goes.

Thank you x

retro:electro

Op I think you need to give yourself a break. There are far worse things I've seen and heard drunk people do once they've drink in them. Have you a close friend you could maybe ask in advance to tell you to stop rambling? Or a code word or something? I know that's extreme and kind of embarrassing but it might help. There's a lot worse you could be doing when drunk, but I get that it's embarrassing you.

Shoebox1926

anna080 wrote: »

Op I think you need to give yourself a break. There are far worse things I've seen and heard drunk people do once they've drink in them. Have you a close friend you could maybe ask in advance to tell you to stop rambling? Or a code word or something? I know that's extreme and kind of embarrassing but it might help. There's a lot worse you could be doing when drunk, but I get that it's embarrassing you.

I know, its not like I become violent or nasty to people it could be a whole lot worse but I still feel like I bring people down and they dont want to be around me which is understandable, im ruining peoples buzz. Not good.

Thanks for the replies x

joeguevara

It's a very interesting OP with a number of issues.

Firstly, it looks like there is a bit of insecurity with the friendships you do have and. Maybe build on those friendships without alcohol taken. If you feel more comfortable around them, it might mean that you won't be as uncomfortable.

Secondly, I find it helps if you write issues out and come up with a plan on how to fix things. This means you won't focus on problems so much. It may mean that when you have a few drinks these issues don't come pouring out.

But, the final point is, if you make your friends uncomfortable maybe they are not the best of friends. I would hope that if I have a few problems my good mates would try and help me and not make me feel worse. Take care of yourself. You are the most important person.

xzanti

Tell me how wrote: »

Good therapy could help you explore this, that I'd be quite sure of. Doesn't have to be 3 times a week for a year, couple of sessions with someone you click with could help explore it.

Great advice.

I honestly think everyone needs a good therapist. We all have things we need to vent about.

I hear you on the cringing, I've done it many times myself, verbal diarrhea on a night out, seems like a great idea at the time.

Thing is, people are usually more worried about what THEY did or said on the night out, and not really thinking about what you came out with.

Don't be so hard on yourself and maybe, as someone else said, if drink is causing you distress, then you need to have a look at whether it's worth it for you.

Ghekko

If it only happens when you drink then the only advice I can give is to stop drinking. Unless you are good at moderating - sticking to the one pint - then just order non alcoholic beer instead.

Feisty

I think you are awesome that you realise you are doing it! So many people over share when they are sober and do much worse things when they are drunk and are totally oblivious to the affect it has on the people around them! Fair play to you for copping it, and I am sure you will get it under control.