Falling in love at first sight - I think we may have - advice please

spoonfed76

Hi

I have set up this account specifically for this thread

Iv been compu-dating for a while - Tinder, POF, OKCupid etc - I always felt dates to be relatively shallow - not necessarily bad but certainly not what i would define as good - in any case iv been around the block a few times - im a guy in my late 30s - average looks - have a daughter with my ex and we split 5 years ago

i have always treated dating with skepticism - to be honest it feels like an interview and while i am decent in that department - dating is different cause its so personal and feels like a critique of someones inner self

Anyway usually nothing happens and i find even with relationships that i have managed - im usually dropped for shallow reasons - complicated (kid) - imperfect (rocky childhood) - not ideal (not in the best of jobs at the moment)

ALL of that changed 2 weeks ago - i met a girl and we started messaging online - again skeptical, we just chatted about our view of the world - issues with online dating and the shallowness of society - likes in terms of music - bad dating experiences (what can i say shes a girl so shes been on the receiving end of some horrid messages)

As we chatted i finally upped the nerve - despite her saying she rarely went out with guys from online i - with her help - asked her out - and we met a week and a half ago

All i can say is WOW - we clicked - no issue with my kid - same checkered past with family issues - no real substantial issues at all if im honest - the same outlook on issues in both public and private life - all i can say is inside - i felt she was me - only FAR FAR better looking - shes stunning but not at all arrogant - in fact we both seem highly critical of ourselves in EXACTLY the same way

The night wore on and i was smitten - albeit cautious - but in my mind i felt i wanted to be with this lady - and she is a lady - ALSO her reaction to me seemed genuinely similar - effectively i CANT BELIEVE i finally met someone who is real - NOW! i know your not meant to make any serious confirmations on a first date - its not like im a fool who would ask a girl to be my GF on a first night - i WANTED to - but that would be silly - wouldnt it?

Low and behold she asked me - and throwing my skeptical side aside - i said yes

Fast forward 24 hours - and we ceremoniously deleted our dating accounts - and a week - all i can say is i have GENUINE feelings for this lady - she is LITERALLY amazing to me -

Crux of the matter - im totally smitten and she seems to be too

Does this REALLY HAPPEN? i mean REALLY? is it wishful thinking to discard all skepticism and just go for it? im not planning on proposing or anything im not a total idiot - but all i can say is im on cloud nine - no one - and i mean NO ONE appeals to me more - even in social situations where a guy notices a well dressed lady - im just absent in that way

please feel free to be harsh - i need words of wisdom - and criticism if necessary

bmwguy

Happened to me once with a lady. Beautiful, smart, funny, friendly, savage in the sack, life was good we saw each other every day and did everything together. Turned out she was bat sh*t crazy though.

Enjoy it, don't be too OTT it can burn fast initially but burn out quickly. You might be ok. She might be perfect. She might not. Don't profess undying love or anything. Build into it. Build trust. Make it sustainable. Send me her sisters number.

Village Crazy Lady

Im new to boards myself, and all I can honestly say is, go with the flow, but don't get too swept away as it can do, life is short, and you are only on this planet for a very short period of time in the grand scheme of things, do whatever makes you happy 😊 that's all anyone wants.

Penny Tration

It's a lovely feeling, isn't it? I'm glad you're both happy.


That said, it's not love, not yet. You don't know her enough to love her. You're infatuated, and smitten with her, and that heady feeling certainly feels like love, but when/if you truly fall in love with her, you'll see the difference.


For now, enjoy it for what it is. There's no need to rush everything because if it's love, or going to be love, it'll last, and rushing everything means there's nothing new to enjoy six months from now!


So relax, enjoy yourself and be happy you've fallen for someone you think is great

Loveinapril

Aw this post made me smile. I had a very similar situation happen to me. I was a total sceptic, a very independent woman not really looking for anything serious. I then got swept away in a complete whirlwind. We moved in together after a few months and are now married with our first baby on the way. The thing about these situations is that they are completely unpredictable. Go with the flow, enjoy every moment but do not lose yourself in it. When you meet someone so perfect for you, it is hard not to let everything around you (friends, family, hobbies, alone time) fade away. It can become quite obsessive. Remember to keep space for you in the lusty madness. I hope it works out!

Airyfairy12

Woah slow down! Its early days and you still need to get to know her before you let your mind run away with itself. She has to get to know you too and feelings can change very quickly, especially in the first couple of months. Take it slow and see where it goes, the more you build yourself up the harder the fall will be so just take your time.

leggo

OP without looking to ID you with any more info...you didn't by any chance have another topic in here about dating recently did you? Just to add some perspective because it might help. I'm not going to ask you any more about that btw if you confirm it, just so I know.

Anyway, as far as this goes: enjoy the infatuation period, it's great. But please don't get involved in anything that you can't get out of by rushing into commitments that are difficult to get out of. So, for example, having her meet your child after a few weeks.

You don't really know this person yet and, when you're infatuated like this, they can seem perfect but time is the only thing that can tell you what they're really like, how they react in certain situations etc. The reality is they will have imperfections. Those imperfections can be game-changers or dealbreakers, and early into the relationship you can just stumble upon something out of nowhere and, BOOM, it's all gone in an instant. I joke that I don't take any relationship seriously until the people involved can tell me five things about the other person that wreck their head (and you can grow to love these things too, like, I mean tiny things not dealbreakers).

If it's meant to last forever, there's no rush and you should enjoy each stage for as long as you can before needing to escalate it. And, in many relationships that I've seen (and even experienced myself), when people rush things unnecessarily it's generally to cover up for things that are or may be lacking in areas of the relationship that they don't want to confront.

So enjoy this and maybe this is the perfect girl for you. But don't be a crazy person either and take it slowly or, to put it in a nicer way, maximise the experience.

Duvetdays

My stories similar but not quite the same. Years ago I got a job and I just clicked with a guy in work. He left a couple of months later and asked me out on his leaving drinks. We had our first date a few days later and have been inseparable ever since. We decided to move in together a month after getting together and were living together a month after that. People thought it wouldn't last as I was young but I like to think we've proved them wrong. Together for 13 years and married for 8.

Hopefully she's as smitten as you are and you go the distance. Good luck op you only live once make the most of it.

MysticMonk

Two bits of advice. Slow down and be careful.

BetsyEllen

This was me with my ex.

I'm jealous of you right now! It's an amazing feeling and one I really, really hope to find again.

And if it does happen to me again, the advice I will give myself is take it slow.

We were talking about moving in together after a few weeks, me meeting his kid, booking holidays, the lot.

None of that ever happened in the end as the 'high' fizzled out pretty quickly and we copped on to ourselves that we were taking it all really fast.
The relationship sadly didn't last (although we got a good 2 years together) but I'll always remember how I felt when I met him. It was unreal and I'll keep the memories of it forever.

Enjoy it, just keep your head at the same time.
Lovely to hear of a positive online dating story

milli milli

OP it was lovely reading your post! Yes it can happen that you just totally click with someone - you just really seem to be on the same page as them. It's a great starting point for a relationship, when they feel the same too.
Just be a bit careful as others have said. Definitely wait a bit before introducing your daughter. I really hope this works out for you - it sounds amazing. Enjoy it

Dr Crayfish

spoonfed76 wrote: »

Does this REALLY HAPPEN? i mean REALLY?

Not really. You don't know her at all, and she doesn't know you. You can rush into these things and you're both doing each other's heads in in no time. Major incompatibility traits are often brushed to the side at the start but they eventually rear their ugly heads. Similar has happened to me before, although I don't think I was as wide eyed about it as you are, and it turned into the worst nightmare of a relationship I've ever been involved in!
The best relationships I've had grew slower and more naturally.
So take it easy, don't rush into anything, and keep your wits about you.

Dixie Chick

It sounds lovely Personally I would be afraid of myself in this kind of situation, i just think take it slowly and you could be onto a winner

Good luck

MysticMonk

Book a holiday together for a few days..it will either make or break you.

LegacyUser

I know a few people have posted saying this happened for them and everything worked out okay. I'm coming from the other side. I met a girl in October and we clicked straight away. Saw each other loads, I hurt myself and she was right there in A&E with me and taking care of me afterwards. I was head over heels and she was the same. We saw each other every day from mid-November until I flew home to my family for Christmas. From there we chatted every day and Skyped a number of times. We also said "I love you" before I left after knowing each other for just over a month. When I got back she started going through mental health difficulties which were draining for me. We eventually got back to what I thought was an okay place and her housemate was moving out. I thought "sure we spend every night together anyway so why am I paying a massive amount of rent to store my clothes across town?!".

Moving in together was the worst move ever. She started pushing me to go faster than I was comfortable with, we had a massive row over it. She kept bringing up that we were moving too slowly and she wanted me to propose (after 5 months together). Eventually I snapped. She'd become (or maybe always was and I never saw it) clingy, needy, and emotionally manipulative. I ended up homeless for a few weeks (my pals took me in thankfully). I have her blocked on 5 different platforms and she's still e-mailing me. Emotionally I'm very broken. I thought this was going to be it. A whirlwind romance where we were both head over heels from the start. I was blinded by infatuation. Now I just want to die alone with my 50 cats. Ha. But really, tread very carefully. It might work out well (going a million mph). Or you could end up sleeping on friends' couches/staying in hotels when there are any available!

Bambi985

Have you actually only been on one date with this woman?

You're mad as a box of badgers if you think you're in love with her and you probably know this. First dates aren't real, especially first "online dates" where you've been meeting all types of unsavoury characters and all it's going to take for you to not lose the will to live is for someone to actually look like their profile picture or to enjoy the same movies as you and BANG, you think this is The One. Truly loving someone is about much more than a date where you got on like a house on fire while you were both on your best behaviour, it's about seeing all of their faults, seeing them at their worst and being OK with that. Having the same values and life goals, being compatible in a living-together sense, compromising for one another, effective conflict resolution, similar styles of communication and similar approach towards finances, all of the boring stuff that you won't find in a Mills and Boon novel.

Anyway. Enjoy the butterflies and enjoy walking on air but don't invest every part of yourself into this woman until you've at least a few of those other boring boxes ticked. Don't go moving her in or introducing her to your child until you've got some solid facts about who she is and where she's going in life.

tara73

as one other poster, I also wonder if you had another thread here some days ago about you meeting someone via online dating, fell head over heals for this women and couldn't get his head around that it wasn't the same for her...

anyway, sorry, but you sound so intense in your OP, the phrasing and putting every so often words in capital letters. it doesn't sound healthy..

I don't know, could be it's your pure luck happening right now, and I whish it for you, but most of the time, as others already said, this completely fast paced and head over heals feelings are not heading in the right direction and burst like a bubble because that's what it is: a bubble.

I recommend to take it slowly, especially with introducing your daughter (the fact you mentioning it here after meeting her once is a bit scary tbh)