Depressed since moving in with boyfriend

LegacyUser

Myself and my boyfriend moved in together 9 months ago, before we moved in together we spent weekends and a day or two a week together and spent our weekends going away on trips and going out for meals drinks etc everything was perfect we had a great life and never really had a fight, things are very different now we fight non stop its actually turned violent on both sides, we both have said we have falling out of love but we are stuck living in a tiny apartment as i am out of work and cant go back to my home as its in the country and id have no chance of getting work there and his home house is full up, He starts fights over any little thing and after a fight he will run off home or to a friends and leave me for days by myself, i am actually so down right now my life was so different this time last year we were about to go on holidays. Has anyone got any advice

Another day

First off..get a job! Anything. If you can't find work volunteer. There are plenty of groups out there that welcome volunteers with open arms.

You are stuck in a rut staring at 4 walls and need to get out and about. You are probably feeling depressed and redundant right now. Resentment builds when you have nothing to fill your day. Your partner is probably frustrated by the situation and taking it out on you. i guarantee you their life has not turned out the way they thought either.

No matter what the problem is violence is never the answer. You both need to talk on a calm day, and agree to a way of discussing issues so that it doesn't flare up. This might mean having to go for a coffee so that you cannot react in a public place.

If you need support look up Aware support groups in your area. You will meet people who are struggling for all sorts of reasons and will get tips on how to cope in lots of situations.

BetsyEllen

You've not said much on the violence side but to be honest, if I had ended up in a violent relationship I wouldn't care about job prospects where my home place is - I'd still be packing my bags and heading there regardless, knowing I can figure out the rest when I get there.

You also say the violence is from both sides - so you are as bad as he is, you need to have a good think about this.

If you're really not willing to head home then without a job you are stuck I'm afraid.
Finding work needs to be your main priority, take anything you can get your hands on so you can look at renting a room somewhere.

Until then you're just going to have to remain civil, admit to each other that the relationship is over so you don't have to try and act like a couple.
Do your own thing and go out in the evenings walking or meeting friends so that you're not cooped up with him and having arguments.

pajo1981

You dodged a bullet. You never really liked each other. It took moving in together to reveal that.

Dont waste another second thinking about the past. Look only to your future. Get a job. Move out. Move on. Time heals all wounds. You'll eventually get over it. Look on it as a life lesson.

LegacyUser

The other thing is we are both very low on friends he has one close friend and I have two who live In different places so we would be very lonely if we were to split up and yes the violence is pushing pulling hair etc it just gets out of hand and we both snap

Hannibal_Smith

How do you mean it's become violent? That is not normal. It's perfectly understandable living in each others pockets would drive you mad, but physically hurting each other is not an acceptable way of dealing with it. If it's both of you, it would tell me you've both lost respect for each other.

Airyfairy12

When you move in with someone you discover what theyre really like. You and him arent compatible and if it's violent on both sides then when you break up with him and move on you might want to consider anger managment and counselling to help you deal with conflict in an emotionally mature and respectful way. You can move back home. My family lives very rurally to, I know how much of a pain in the back side it is but try it for 3 or 4 months, save up a deposit and months rent then find your own place. It'll be tempting to get back in touch with your boyfriend once you move out but really try not too, he's clearly not great like you thought he was and youre toxic for one another.