Pregnancy depression

moleary20 · 06-06-2017 12:17pm #1

Hi there,
I know I could be opening myself up to considerable criticism here however hopefully someone may be able to help.

I am 6 months Pregnant. It was unexpected and i struggled to cope. I have been seeing a therapist for 3 months and making good progress but I still don't feel as happy as I should.

I feel it has recently got worse as I have started showing and people expect me to be over the moon with delight and I'm not. I don't resent my baby, I just don't feel happy or excited. It is causing me to withdraw from people and people, some who were aware of my initial depression are getting frustrated at how I'm still not how they would expect me to be.

Can anyone recommend any resources they found helpful? I am still seeing my therapist but I would like to try as much as I can to make me feel better. My partner is amazing but it's difficult for him to understand as he is so happy.

Toots · 06-06-2017 1:56pm

Depression during pregnancy is actually way more common than you think - I suffered with it during my first pregnancy, and I just kept it all in and didn't talk to anyone about it. (Totally the wrong thing to do) Seeing a therapist is a great step, but try and not set benchmarks for how happy you "should" feel. Everyone is different. Have you spoken to your GP or midwife/consultant about how you're feeling?

moleary20 · 06-06-2017 2:05pm

Toots wrote: »

Depression during pregnancy is actually way more common than you think - I suffered with it during my first pregnancy, and I just kept it all in and didn't talk to anyone about it. (Totally the wrong thing to do) Seeing a therapist is a great step, but try and not set benchmarks for how happy you "should" feel. Everyone is different. Have you spoken to your GP or midwife/consultant about how you're feeling?

Hi Toots. Thanks for your reply. I had been really happy with my progress but lately since I have a bump, It's all people want to talk about and I'm starting to feel a bit lost as I don't have the happy happy reaction they expect. I mentioned it to my gp at the start however as it improved with my therapist I haven't brought it up again. I'm also not sure I want medication, I would prefer coping strategies or information so I feel a bit more normal.

When I said it to the midwife at my booking appt I felt she had a very old school attitude and kept saying how she saw girls in there in much worse situation and was convincing me at the end I was much happier than what I thought. And to be fair if 90% of the girls she sees everyday are delighted to be there, it may be hard to comprehend how lost I feel.

BOB2017 · 06-06-2017 3:49pm

Hi moleary

What you're doing so far is great, and asking for help is the best thing for you to do.

I can't say I have the same experience as you but I do sometimes feel a little separated from it all if that makes any sense... I know people who have talked about how much they loved being pregnant and how amazing it was ... maybe I'll feel like that afterwards but at the moment I'm finding it quite tough. Physically I'm getting huge, tired and out of breath and I don't recognise my own body, and mentally my emotions are all over the place. I'm beginning to get nervous about the birth (6months also), feeling a bit lost like I don't know everything I should, feeling like I should have written down every tiny little pregnancy milestone that I've forgotten, feeling overwhelmed at the thought of another 3 months of both the physical and mental stuff I've already mentioned, and having a teeny little baby to look after when that's all done, and worrying will I recognise myself after it and how different our lives will be.

Sorry if that came out like a massive moan which it wasn't intended to be!! I suppose I just wanted to say that even being over the moon about having a baby which was planned, the pregnancy itself can be seriously overwhelming so I can't imagine how difficult it is to get your head around all of it if it's unexpected. xxx

Oh and also, why is it that once the bump appears you seem to lose your identity and become "pregnant lady" only!!

moleary20 · 06-06-2017 7:27pm

BOB2017 wrote: »

Hi moleary

What you're doing so far is great, and asking for help is the best thing for you to do.

I can't say I have the same experience as you but I do sometimes feel a little separated from it all if that makes any sense... I know people who have talked about how much they loved being pregnant and how amazing it was ... maybe I'll feel like that afterwards but at the moment I'm finding it quite tough. Physically I'm getting huge, tired and out of breath and I don't recognise my own body, and mentally my emotions are all over the place. I'm beginning to get nervous about the birth (6months also), feeling a bit lost like I don't know everything I should, feeling like I should have written down every tiny little pregnancy milestone that I've forgotten, feeling overwhelmed at the thought of another 3 months of both the physical and mental stuff I've already mentioned, and having a teeny little baby to look after when that's all done, and worrying will I recognise myself after it and how different our lives will be.

Sorry if that came out like a massive moan which it wasn't intended to be!! I suppose I just wanted to say that even being over the moon about having a baby which was planned, the pregnancy itself can be seriously overwhelming so I can't imagine how difficult it is to get your head around all of it if it's unexpected. xxx

Oh and also, why is it that once the bump appears you seem to lose your identity and become "pregnant lady" only!!

Thanks Bob, it's so refreshing to hear that. I suppose normalizing it is half the battle! I can completely relate to what you are saying but very few people ever do say things like that. To be fair, I am 26 with very few friends with kids, 2 I think , no cousins with kids and very few people who I would confide in so I'm a bit sheltered with all this. While the forums here are great, I think we're both the same group, you don't want to be the one spreading misery when everyone else is on cloud 9.

And yes your identity goes out the window and don't even talk to me about bump touching or comments about your size etc

Toots · 06-06-2017 7:37pm

Oh seriously, don't be afraid to say to people "I'd prefer if you didn't do that" when they come up and start touching your bump uninvited. It's like you become public property once you're pregnant. The bump feeling thing really got on my nerves when I was pregnant the first time.

moleary20 · 06-06-2017 8:10pm

Toots wrote: »

Oh seriously, don't be afraid to say to people "I'd prefer if you didn't do that" when they come up and start touching your bump uninvited. It's like you become public property once you're pregnant. The bump feeling thing really got on my nerves when I was pregnant the first time.

I'd love to be able to do that. It has happened at work a lot which I am totally not cool with!!!

Minnie2017 · 06-06-2017 9:11pm

BOB2017 wrote: »

Hi moleary

What you're doing so far is great, and asking for help is the best thing for you to do.

I can't say I have the same experience as you but I do sometimes feel a little separated from it all if that makes any sense... I know people who have talked about how much they loved being pregnant and how amazing it was ... maybe I'll feel like that afterwards but at the moment I'm finding it quite tough. Physically I'm getting huge, tired and out of breath and I don't recognise my own body, and mentally my emotions are all over the place. I'm beginning to get nervous about the birth (6months also), feeling a bit lost like I don't know everything I should, feeling like I should have written down every tiny little pregnancy milestone that I've forgotten, feeling overwhelmed at the thought of another 3 months of both the physical and mental stuff I've already mentioned, and having a teeny little baby to look after when that's all done, and worrying will I recognise myself after it and how different our lives will be.

Sorry if that came out like a massive moan which it wasn't intended to be!! I suppose I just wanted to say that even being over the moon about having a baby which was planned, the pregnancy itself can be seriously overwhelming so I can't imagine how difficult it is to get your head around all of it if it's unexpected. xxx

Oh and also, why is it that once the bump appears you seem to lose your identity and become "pregnant lady" only!!

This is me exactly! I went through a phase of 'mourning' myself if that makes sense. Along with my privacy. Why is it the pregnancy makes everything fair game and public

Delighted and appreciative of how lucky I am to be in this situation but also not revelling in pregnancy like some.

I think we all lose a bit of ourselves going through her process moleary so please know you're not alone. Xx

moleary20 · 06-06-2017 9:29pm

Minnie2017 wrote: »

This is me exactly! I went through a phase of 'mourning' myself if that makes sense. Along with my privacy. Why is it the pregnancy makes everything fair game and public

Delighted and appreciative of how lucky I am to be in this situation but also not revelling in pregnancy like some.

I think we all lose a bit of ourselves going through her process moleary so please know you're not alone. Xx

Thanks Minnie, there's just so little support and resources out there, it's impossible to know what's normal. There's so much pressure to be perfect.

Toots · 07-06-2017 12:59am

moleary20 wrote: »

I'd love to be able to do that. It has happened at work a lot which I am totally not cool with!!!

I found that the most 'tactful' way of avoiding bump grabbers, or rather stopping them, is when you see them go to reach for your bump, take a gentle small step back. The vast majority of people will get the message without you having to say anything more. I had one customer where I worked go "oh do you not want people touching the bump? I was only wanting to feel the baby kick" I just said that my skin was feeling very tender from being stretched, and anything touching off it was quite sore. Seemed to shut her up. A friend of mine got so fed up with essentially being groped by randomers she got a t-shirt that said "DON'T TOUCH MY BUMP!" :pac:

Do you mind me asking what area of the country you're in? I might be able to dig up some resources that might be of some use to you.

moleary20 · 07-06-2017 7:39am

Toots wrote: »

I found that the most 'tactful' way of avoiding bump grabbers, or rather stopping them, is when you see them go to reach for your bump, take a gentle small step back. The vast majority of people will get the message without you having to say anything more. I had one customer where I worked go "oh do you not want people touching the bump? I was only wanting to feel the baby kick" I just said that my skin was feeling very tender from being stretched, and anything touching off it was quite sore. Seemed to shut her up. A friend of mine got so fed up with essentially being groped by randomers she got a t-shirt that said "DON'T TOUCH MY BUMP!" :pac:

Do you mind me asking what area of the country you're in? I might be able to dig up some resources that might be of some use to you.

If only a t shirt like that would fit with the dress code!! I'm in cork/limerick area!

fits · 07-06-2017 7:42am

I'd recommend doing a gentlebirth workshop. It changed my mindset completely and enabled me to remain very positive throughout a pretty tough twin pregnancy. They are worth every penny.

moleary20 · 07-06-2017 8:27am

fits wrote: »

I'd recommend doing a gentlebirth workshop. It changed my mindset completely and enabled me to remain very positive throughout a pretty tough twin pregnancy. They are worth every penny.

Are these mainly focussed on the birth? To be honest and as weird as it sounds, the birth part and aftermath while I know is likely to be awful isn't bothering me too much as I know it just has to be done.

shesty · 07-06-2017 11:08am

OP, I think you need to keep saying it to the hospital.I know a couple of people who struggled with pre-natal depression.It may not be quite what you have (did you have depression before, I wasn't quite clear) but it doesn't matter. Keep telling them.One girl was here in Dublin and got good support in the hospital.There should be a midwife or doctor in the hospital that deals with depression during pregnancy-ask for an appointment with them and tell them everything and keep telling them.They need to have ante-natal care in their minds too, and you could need help with that, so keep pushing them.

I am 34 and have two babies since I was 31 and first time round, I was quite timid, because let's face it I didn't know anything.You are a number of years younger than me,(which there is nothing wrong with but sometimes age makes you care about people's opinions less and so you shout louder!!!) but don't be afraid.It's your pregnancy, it's your body and you don't walk in the hospital door and hand over all control to the medical people.You know how you feel and you have to keep telling them, no matter what the reaction.Every person and pregnancy is different.

I think you should definitely consider pregnancy yoga or gentlebirth because it will help you a lot in feeling more comfortable in your body.It's not just yoga, often there's a bit of a chat session before and after with the yoga teacher and other mums and it can be a mine of information and support.....I would suggest you look into it.

And for what it's worth, there's no prescribed level of happiness that goes with being pregnant.I just thought I should say that.Everyone feels differently and hormones make you feel even weirder, so please try not to be too hard on yourself.

BOB2017 · 07-06-2017 12:46pm

moleary20 wrote: »

Thanks Minnie, there's just so little support and resources out there, it's impossible to know what's normal. There's so much pressure to be perfect.

This exactly moleary - its much like everything else, whats put out in the media and maybe whats even in our heads a lot of the time is not realistic. The picture painted is a rosy one of glowing mammies-to-be who sail through pregnancy all happy and smiley all the time :rolleyes:

Realistically we all know its not like that and even people who appear to be finding pregnancy easy struggle with parts of it. It's not easy and the hormones make everything so much harder to the point where the smallest thing can feel insurmountable (I sobbed uncontrollably for about half an hour last week because I broke a lampshade. And it was a truly hideous lampshade that I hated)

What minnie said is so true, we all lose a little bit of ourselves in pregnancy - the bump in front of you becomes the focus of everything, and people seem to feel like they can ask you the most personal questions, its almost like you become public property which can be horrible. Keep asking for help whenever you have an appointment, someone should be able to point you in the right direction.

Oh and I also agree with the yoga suggestion - the first half of my class is basically going around to everyone and seeing how they're all feeling each week. Its amazing how much of a relief it can be to know someone else is having the same pains/issues/struggles as you are!!!

moleary20 · 07-06-2017 5:52pm

Thanks so much for the comments.

With regard to the hospital, the midwife told me at my first visit that the only thing they could do was refer me to a social worker which I 100% don't want. They don't appear to have any structures in place at all.

Re. The yoga, i work in Limerick and all classes here seem to be booked up at the moment. There are regular yoga classes but to be honest I think I'd feel even more self conscious there.

I'll try to remember what ye have said though so thank you all so much.

shesty · 07-06-2017 6:53pm

If the hospital have nothing, which is a bit odd, maybe try contacting the local public health nurse, or even contacting someum amd baby groups on facebook or wherever that might give you some contacts.Your local nurse will be dealing with you after the birh so she should have some sort of contact available for someone who could help.

You really aren't alone on this OP, even though I've done it twice myself, I have mixed feelings about a potential third....mostly around the effect on my body, how I feel about doing again, taking time out if work rtc.When you're conditioned your whole life to see perfect bodies and perfect looking women, pregnancy is a big adjustment.I found it tough to get my head around.

Ghekko · 07-06-2017 7:19pm

Request a referral to psychologist in hospital - this should have been done when you voiced your concerns instead of the midwife brushing you off. That is not acceptable. Not sure if you can afford private if the hospital aren't quick enough to refer, but the attached might be of help - worth a phone call at least. You are not alone in your thinking - many women feel this way but are afraid to speak up.
http://www.psychologylimerick.com/about.html

moleary20 · 07-06-2017 7:59pm

Ghekko wrote: »

Request a referral to psychologist in hospital - this should have been done when you voiced your concerns instead of the midwife brushing you off. That is not acceptable. Not sure if you can afford private if the hospital aren't quick enough to refer, but the attached might be of help - worth a phone call at least. You are not alone in your thinking - many women feel this way but are afraid to speak up.
http://www.psychologylimerick.com/about.html

Hi Ghekko, I have been seeing a psychotherapist for a few months now. Sometimes I feel fine, other days it is just very bleak. And no amount of "snap out of it and stop focusing on negatives" makes me feel better. I can only dream of being someone who's mind is that easy to control.

Jessme · 07-06-2017 8:36pm

Hi. I had both pre and post natal depression. I don't really want to go into too much detail of what exact thoughts were running through my head during my pregnancy, in case someone knows me, but I just wanted to say that you are not alone in how you feel.
I felt utterly alone, and like I was the most horrible human being for not embracing my pregnancy. Mine was unplanned too. I hated being pregnant. Absolutely hated it. I had to pretend all the time that I was delighted to be pregnant. I'll never forget my GP locating the baby's heartbeat for the first time - she looked at me with total delight and all I wanted to do was cry, because it made the pregnancy real for me in that moment. I came away from that appointment so unbelievably down. I told my GP at 20 weeks that I thought I was depressed but she just told me to 'give it a little time' ie get over it.
I slept, cried & binge-ate my way through the 9 months.
Without this turning into a novel, I sought help from another GP at the practice 6 months post birth. He was brilliant, and completely helped me out of my fog.
Over 3 years later I cherish my child and love her fiercely. I wish I had a better experience and am sometimes brought to tears at the thought of all I went through. But - I am fine now, and you will be too. Not easy, but keep talking, it helps so so much. And you are not awful for feeling what you are feeling.
These people are amazing: http://www.pnd.ie
They are a post-natal depression support group based in Cork. Brilliant, caring women who helped me loads. They can help you too.
Sending you hugs and support.

catrionanic · 07-06-2017 8:39pm

Ah I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling this way. It is actually so so common, but because everyone is expected to be a happy, blooming, lovely expectant mother, there's a bit of a stigma about speaking up about it. I think antenatal depression is as common as around 1 in 6, so you're far from alone on this one.

I had a baby in January aged 28. Like you, I was the first of my peers to start a family. My friends in Ireland are all single and out partying every weekend, and although they didn't mean anything by it, once I got pregnant and I could no longer socialise in the ways we always had done, I became quite lonely and isolated. On top of this, I had bad nausea 24/7 until I was 22 weeks - this really really got me down. I felt so low all the time, and went from having planned the pregnancy to not wanting to be pregnant anymore. I started to question all my life decisions. I even began to resent the baby, which felt just awful, and it seemed to me to be such a horrible way to be thinking that I felt like I couldn't tell anybody. I also spent a lot of time worrying that I wouldn't be able to bond with my baby properly when he or she arrived because of it.

When I was about 15 weeks pregnant, I told my GP about it and she was fab. She told me how antenatal depression is very common, but it's only something that's recently started being talked about amongst health professionals so there's nowhere near as much awareness as postnatal depression (when baby is here, you'll be quizzed about PND by every health professional who crosses your path for months!). So that's probably why your old fashioned midwife seemed to dismiss you. Ignorance.

My GP straight away offered to refer me to the hospital psychiatrist. I'm in Dublin, but I'd imagine most maternity hospitals must have this service. She also offered me antidepressants and antiemetics to help with the nausea. Thankfully I started to feel better with the antiemetics, but if I'd still felt so glum, I would 100% have taken the antidepressants. There's no shame in taking tablets if they might help you feel better. Don't be afraid of that.

As it happened, once I started feeling better, my whole thought process about my pregnancy improved and I did eventually get that happy, excited feeling that people talk about. When baby arrived, those worries that I had about the bonding were totally unfounded. It didn't affect our relationship at all, as I've heard other mothers with antenatal depression say. So don't worry about that. I also was convinced that I would get postnatal depression too, but I'm four months in now and feeling great. Thankfully.

Honestly I think that, other than trying the meds, then working on the isolation you're experiencing may help. Lots of breastfeeding groups actively encourage expectant mums to come along, so check out Cuidiu and La Leche League groups in your area to meet some women at the same stage of life as you. Lots of the women going to those groups are doing so because they want to make friends too, particularly people who aren't Irish but are in Dublin for work or whatever. It can be a bit daunting going at first, but they're generally very welcoming. Cuidiu also have regular postnatal depression meetups, where you get together with other mums who are feeling like you do.

And keep going on about how you're feeling when you're with a midwife or doctor. It sounds like you have sadly been overlooked, and aren't getting all the support that's available to you.

Edit: have just found this thread from around this time last year, about how I was feeling. Christ it was awful. Had been thinking about trying for number two soon enough, but after looking back at this it's put me off again! http://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057627212/1/#post100480937

speckledhen · 07-06-2017 8:51pm

Found the first time very hard too. It's been said already but it is a huge mental adjustment and suppose it's also a big step towards becoming a proper responsible adult. It's a very stressful time in some ways, and the lack of sleep and not feeling great doesn't help either. Having someone to talk to is a great help. I did swimming lessons around 6 months first time around, didn't gain much from the lessons but it gave me a distraction for the last few months!

moleary20 · 07-06-2017 9:52pm

Jessme wrote: »

Hi. I had both pre and post natal depression. I don't really want to go into too much detail of what exact thoughts were running through my head during my pregnancy, in case someone knows me, but I just wanted to say that you are not alone in how you feel.
I felt utterly alone, and like I was the most horrible human being for not embracing my pregnancy. Mine was unplanned too. I hated being pregnant. Absolutely hated it. I had to pretend all the time that I was delighted to be pregnant. I'll never forget my GP locating the baby's heartbeat for the first time - she looked at me with total delight and all I wanted to do was cry, because it made the pregnancy real for me in that moment. I came away from that appointment so unbelievably down. I told my GP at 20 weeks that I thought I was depressed but she just told me to 'give it a little time' ie get over it.
I slept, cried & binge-ate my way through the 9 months.
Without this turning into a novel, I sought help from another GP at the practice 6 months post birth. He was brilliant, and completely helped me out of my fog.
Over 3 years later I cherish my child and love her fiercely. I wish I had a better experience and am sometimes brought to tears at the thought of all I went through. But - I am fine now, and you will be too. Not easy, but keep talking, it helps so so much. And you are not awful for feeling what you are feeling.
These people are amazing: http://www.pnd.ie
They are a post-natal depression support group based in Cork. Brilliant, caring women who helped me loads. They can help you too.
Sending you hugs and support.

Thanks Jessme, I appreciate that. I'm glad it all worked out for you in the end.

moleary20 · 07-06-2017 10:00pm

catrionanic wrote: »

Ah I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling this way. It is actually so so common, but because everyone is expected to be a happy, blooming, lovely expectant mother, there's a bit of a stigma about speaking up about it. I think antenatal depression is as common as around 1 in 6, so you're far from alone on this one.

I had a baby in January aged 28. Like you, I was the first of my peers to start a family. My friends in Ireland are all single and out partying every weekend, and although they didn't mean anything by it, once I got pregnant and I could no longer socialise in the ways we always had done, I became quite lonely and isolated. On top of this, I had bad nausea 24/7 until I was 22 weeks - this really really got me down. I felt so low all the time, and went from having planned the pregnancy to not wanting to be pregnant anymore. I started to question all my life decisions. I even began to resent the baby, which felt just awful, and it seemed to me to be such a horrible way to be thinking that I felt like I couldn't tell anybody. I also spent a lot of time worrying that I wouldn't be able to bond with my baby properly when he or she arrived because of it.

When I was about 15 weeks pregnant, I told my GP about it and she was fab. She told me how antenatal depression is very common, but it's only something that's recently started being talked about amongst health professionals so there's nowhere near as much awareness as postnatal depression (when baby is here, you'll be quizzed about PND by every health professional who crosses your path for months!). So that's probably why your old fashioned midwife seemed to dismiss you. Ignorance.

My GP straight away offered to refer me to the hospital psychiatrist. I'm in Dublin, but I'd imagine most maternity hospitals must have this service. She also offered me antidepressants and antiemetics to help with the nausea. Thankfully I started to feel better with the antiemetics, but if I'd still felt so glum, I would 100% have taken the antidepressants. There's no shame in taking tablets if they might help you feel better. Don't be afraid of that.

As it happened, once I started feeling better, my whole thought process about my pregnancy improved and I did eventually get that happy, excited feeling that people talk about. When baby arrived, those worries that I had about the bonding were totally unfounded. It didn't affect our relationship at all, as I've heard other mothers with antenatal depression say. So don't worry about that. I also was convinced that I would get postnatal depression too, but I'm four months in now and feeling great. Thankfully.

Honestly I think that, other than trying the meds, then working on the isolation you're experiencing may help. Lots of breastfeeding groups actively encourage expectant mums to come along, so check out Cuidiu and La Leche League groups in your area to meet some women at the same stage of life as you. Lots of the women going to those groups are doing so because they want to make friends too, particularly people who aren't Irish but are in Dublin for work or whatever. It can be a bit daunting going at first, but they're generally very welcoming. Cuidiu also have regular postnatal depression meetups, where you get together with other mums who are feeling like you do.

And keep going on about how you're feeling when you're with a midwife or doctor. It sounds like you have sadly been overlooked, and aren't getting all the support that's available to you.

Edit: have just found this thread from around this time last year, about how I was feeling. Christ it was awful. Had been thinking about trying for number two soon enough, but after looking back at this it's put me off again! http://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057627212/1/#post100480937

Thanks Catriona. Alot of this rings true for me also. Good to hear you didn't suffer postnatally.

premiergal · 09-06-2017 10:38am

I totally understand where you're coming from. First of my friends to have a baby, totally unexpected and really struggled with loosing "me" as everyone just seen me as the pregnant one if that makes sense. I found ante natal classes tough as everyone else was so into the whole thing and had everything researched, it really got me down and I felt so low.
But everyone is different and reacts differently so don't think you're the only one. I'm now 2 weeks to my due date and getting excited for it now but it's taken me up to now to be comfortable and excited so don't be too harsh on yourself. I think there's loads people in same situation it's just not spoken about.
Hopefully that helps, you're not alone!

moleary20 · 09-06-2017 5:38pm

premiergal wrote: »

I totally understand where you're coming from. First of my friends to have a baby, totally unexpected and really struggled with loosing "me" as everyone just seen me as the pregnant one if that makes sense. I found ante natal classes tough as everyone else was so into the whole thing and had everything researched, it really got me down and I felt so low.
But everyone is different and reacts differently so don't think you're the only one. I'm now 2 weeks to my due date and getting excited for it now but it's taken me up to now to be comfortable and excited so don't be too harsh on yourself. I think there's loads people in same situation it's just not spoken about.
Hopefully that helps, you're not alone!

Thanks premiergal! It's so reassuring to hear your experience. I suppose it's the isolation is the root of it a lot of the time. I also find being outside of Dublin the supports are that bit more limited if you don't have friends etc to turn to.

Midwife · 13-06-2017 4:23pm

moleary20 wrote: »

fits wrote: »

I'd recommend doing a gentlebirth workshop. It changed my mindset completely and enabled me to remain very positive throughout a pretty tough twin pregnancy. They are worth every penny.

Are these mainly focussed on the birth? To be honest and as weird as it sounds, the birth part and aftermath while I know is likely to be awful isn't bothering me too much as I know it just has to be done.

I'm so glad you posted. We need to keep talking about mental health in pregnancy. There are too many expectant mums who are suffering needlessly. The midwives would dearly love to spend more time with the women in the clinics but it's very difficult for them.
With GentleBirth there is a focus on birth preparation but one of the most unique aspects of the program is our commitment to mental health (mother and infant) before, during and after baby arrives. Yes you'll get through the birth but the birth experience can definitely impact mental health and the first few months after your baby arrives can take a toll on both parents. There are lots of Limerick area mums on the GentleBirth FB group and plenty of discussion about mental health in pregnancy this week.
Happy to chat privately too if you need a sounding board.
Tracy

moleary20 · 13-06-2017 6:33pm

Midwife wrote: »

I'm so glad you posted. We need to keep talking about mental health in pregnancy. There are too many expectant mums who are suffering needlessly. The midwives would dearly love to spend more time with the women in the clinics but it's very difficult for them.
With GentleBirth there is a focus on birth preparation but one of the most unique aspects of the program is our commitment to mental health (mother and infant) before, during and after baby arrives. Yes you'll get through the birth but the birth experience can definitely impact mental health and the first few months after your baby arrives can take a toll on both parents. There are lots of Limerick area mums on the GentleBirth FB group and plenty of discussion about mental health in pregnancy this week.
Happy to chat privately too if you need a sounding board.
Tracy

Thanks Tracy, I might look into that. I'd hate to think this would continue after the birth. The cost of course is significant as that would pay for 5 therapy sessions but I will definitely look into it.

mirrorwall14 · 14-06-2017 9:02pm

I'm so sorry you are having a tough time. I was someone who was very happy/excited to be pregnant however I was also terrified and my anxiety was at a very high level for the whole pregnancy.

Support helps. My husband was a wonderful ear when I would be freaking out. My mum too. The rest of my extended family not so much. I had one friend who had been pregnant ahead of me and had a rough time who was just wonderful to be able to talk to. Don't be afraid to cry. And to mourn what you have "lost". Share your worries and concerns

I lost myself in planning, it really helped keep me grounded and "interested" in the pregnancy, even when all I wanted was for the 9 months to be up and them to take it out. I shopped, priced and stalked adverts. Joined a facebook group for carseats and learnt everything I could about everything. (I will admit my mother thought I was insane but it worked for me). It also gives you something to talk about when people bring up the pregnancy-you can guide the conversation to something you are comfortable with "Oh I was looking at carseats, did you know that rearfacing is so much safer?" and if it goes off on a tangent you just say "I'll have to add that to my research list" and move the conversation on.

Are you sleeping? I honestly found the lack of sleep to be the worst part of pregnancy and it really affected my mood, I considered asking for sleepers at one point I was so tired. I had to set a plan in place, bath, book etc to try and get myself to sleep and if it didn't work within an hour get back up and start it all over again otherwise the tossing and turning would set my head off.

Do try not to compare yourself to others in pregnancy. Believing in yourself is something I've spent the last two years working on and it is really important. There is no "normal", everyone has stuff going on. That girl who is blooming and smiling and seems so happy? There could be multiple things going on in her life and she is breaking inside but we look and think OMG I should be able to be like that. Its crackers. Pregnancy is tough going and why in Gods name we don't talk about it in Ireland I cannot understand

I got the gentlebirth app on my second pregnancy and found it great for anxiety.

Pregnancy depression

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