Choose your new wipe animal

pangbang

So there I was, bathing in a pool of ass milk (Cleopatra style, but one ass, singular. Like that "one chicken" policy from Big Al's, or Kfc or whatever)

Anyway, that's when those andrex puppy ads popped into mind. Whats the deal with that, I mean the REAL deal? The ad plays out, a Labrador puppy playing in soft summer meadows, bouncing around slowly, advertising something to wipe your bunghole.

There HAS to be some dodgy psychology behind all that. They know that theyre equating the soft, squishy animal with something that wipes against your Baltic regions.

And kittensoft!

That's where the question comes in, which is softer (hopefully from imagination, not experience), a kitten or a puppy?

I'd put money on the puppy, theres just something a little more pudgy about them, not to mention a kittens claws could do some serious damage if it lost the rag, mewling for its life.

But there has to be room for a third contender in the bumwipe market. What bout those yokes from the Star Wars, ewoks? Pros; extraterrestial, probably sentient enough to wipe on command. Someone to talk with while doing the business. Cons: Maybe too large, perhaps too fictional, have that flea-bag look.

Mogwai? Those fluffballs from the gremlins film. Pro's: Multiply when they get wet, so you can slam dunk the used one into the bathroom chute that leads via ingenious piping straight to dunsink, and you'd have a replacement ready to go. Have stubby fingers, so cant protest with too much damage done. Cons; If they get their hands on food after midnight, they change into scaly green things, would be fairly rough on the old pantaloon area. Have homicidal tendencies.

So what animal is best to topple the kittensoft/andrex empire?

clairewithani

pangbang wrote: »

So there I was, bathing in a pool of ass milk (Cleopatra style, but one ass, singular. Like that "one chicken" policy from Big Al's, or Kfc or whatever)

Anyway, that's when those andrex puppy ads popped into mind. Whats the deal with that, I mean the REAL deal? The ad plays out, a Labrador puppy playing in soft summer meadows, bouncing around slowly, advertising something to wipe your bunghole.

There HAS to be some dodgy psychology behind all that. They know that theyre equating the soft, squishy animal with something that wipes against your Baltic regions.

And kittensoft!

That's where the question comes in, which is softer (hopefully from imagination, not experience), a kitten or a puppy?

I'd put money on the puppy, theres just something a little more pudgy about them, not to mention a kittens claws could do some serious damage if it lost the rag, mewling for its life.

But there has to be room for a third contender in the bumwipe market. What bout those yokes from the Star Wars, ewoks? Pros; extraterrestial, probably sentient enough to wipe on command. Someone to talk with while doing the business. Cons: Maybe too large, perhaps too fictional, have that flea-bag look.

Mogwai? Those fluffballs from the gremlins film. Pro's: Multiply when they get wet, so you can slam dunk the used one into the bathroom chute that leads via ingenious piping straight to dunsink, and you'd have a replacement ready to go. Have stubby fingers, so cant protest with too much damage done. Cons; If they get their hands on food after midnight, they change into scaly green things, would be fairly rough on the old pantaloon area. Have homicidal tendencies.

So what animal is best to topple the kittensoft/andrex empire?

Classy thread.:rolleyes:

pangbang

clairewithani wrote: »

Classy thread.:rolleyes:

greencap

Nyed.

I am not have enimal. I am wipe of dunnes value pack.

I am award order of Russia red star.

pangbang

greencap wrote: »

Nyed.

I am not have enimal. I am wipe of dunnes value pack.

I am award order of Russia red star.

Well you have that nice pointy red star, sharp, but doable.

Jesus Wept

clairewithani wrote: »

Classy thread.:rolleyes:

You are in the wrong forum.

Atoms for Peace

Mogwai? It has to be black spider/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Yd8vBKRntE

Persephone kindness

Atoms for Peace wrote: »

Mogwai? It has to be black spider/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Yd8vBKRntE

:eek: NO ..JUST no it's my ultimate ..no...*shakes head*

pickarooney

Chinchilla, no, we will not let you go

somesoldiers

A goose neck according to Rabelais

"I have,' answered Gargantua, 'by a long a curious experience, found out a means to wipe my bum. The most lordly, the most excellent, and the most convenient that was ever seen. I wiped my tail with a hen, with a cock, with a pullet, with a calf's skin, with a hare, with a pigeon, with a cormorant, with an attorney's bag, with a montero, of all the torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well-downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And, believe me, therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nock hole, a most wonderful pleasure, wherein regard of the softness of the said down and of the temperate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest of the inwards, insofar as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains.'"

https://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/r/rabelais/francois/r11g/book1.13.html

Case closed

Richard Hillman

SnakeTail, leaves you with a smooth undercarriage

gramar

A bear is taking a crap in the woods when a rabbit walks by.
'hey rabbit' says the bear ' does it bother you when shit sticks to your fur?'
'no' says the rabbit, 'doesn't bother me at all'
'great' says the bear and grabs the rabbit and wipes his hole with him.

Answer to your question: Rabbit.

Patser

Charmin brand uses bears on their packaging and Cushelle uses koalas, so there's some more animal options for you. Actually koalas would probably give a good clean, especially with those big ears.

Badly Drunk Boy

I don't know why...but I hate this thread.

The answer, by the way, is BADGERS.

Esel

Badly Drunk Boy wrote: »

I don't know why...but I hate this thread.

The answer, by the way, is BADGERS.

"Badgers? Badgers? We don't need no stinking badgers!"

cocaliquid

Enjoy your lice and fleas :pac: :pac:

Btw best bet if your stuck out in the woods is moss nice and damp :P

Archeron

Patser wrote: »

Charmin brand uses bears on their packaging and Cushelle uses koalas, so there's some more animal options for you. Actually koalas would probably give a good clean, especially with those big ears.

But there's a good chance the koala will then steal your car (he has form if the ads are anything to go by) and who needs a sh*t stained koala messing up your leather upholstery. Seeng as fantasy creatures are allowed too, I'm gonna nominate the big flying snake dog thing from the never ending story, he seemed quite fluffy.

Robsweezie

T rex