My bf left me because of his mother

Zizi77

I knew my ex two months ago, im 32 he is 28. He was too nice to me and agreeable to whatever i said and made me feel like a princess. And within 3 days he said he wants me and like me so much. We dated so many times almost every day in a month, but things started to changed one month after that.

I went to his mothers house, and he commented that his mother said im way too old for him (im 4 ys elder) and his mum said i cant get pregnant and will look old in the future.  And also said im not friendly during our first meeting. And his mum commented so many other things which broke my heart, eventhough i was being so nice to her in our first meeting. (Brought cake to her house and was abit shy and polite in our first meeting, she was keep on playing with her hp and quiet. She didnt aporoach me much. Only his younger siblings was asking me questions. All below 25ys old. 

This guy was still dating and giving me future and marriage hopes, and he asked me to visit his mother again to correct back the situation. I did visit again, and this time i was friendly with his mom and helped her on all the kitchen stuffs. The next days i texted her mum just to be friendly on how she is and whether she had lunch. She didnt replied. But after 2 days, she replied that family has made the decision (his siblings and his mom) she doesnt want me to contact her son and her son also will not contact me and ask to end the relationship.

I sent the text to his son, he seems like so cool and as he already knew about it. We argued and i told him that he shouldnt give me hopes if he knew his mother doesnt like me since beginning since i was taking it was not so serius till this extent. I told him that we go together to your mom and explain to her that we love each other, but he seems not interested and he stopped to contact me for one week. During this i cried as hell. Then initiated and called him back after one week, and plan to meet the next day to discuss on how to save this relationship. But then he cancelled plan on the next day and send a long message that he wants to end the relationship. I called him and we argued again, and he said he could leave the world for his mother even me, and his mom wants the best for him and he said if i really wants him, asked me to asked his mum again and apologize to her again and again for one of two months if she agrees (IF). Its like begging her mum. He told me that dont let her mom know that he told me this.

I was really confused as he is too scared of his mum and siblings. I called him and cursed him. I felt like i was being played off by him. Because if he really loves me, he would not leave me and should have contacted me as he knows my condition, was crying badly and sick. He called me once and said he missed me and no call after that. He started to contact another girl everynight the same time he used to call me. Im so heartbroken and depressed. Should i beg him and his mum?

LimeFruitGum

No. Delete his number, block him on social media. This is way too much drama for a 2 month relationship.

uck51js9zml2yt

The Irish man and his mammy.in this case she will always win and make your life hell.

Walk away and leave them to it. Stop all contact with them.its not worth it.

mikeybrennan

Walk away

Big Bag of Chips

He's 28. Think about that. He is a 28 year old man. And he is letting his mammy (and his family) make his decisions for him. The best thing you can do for yourself is block his number and never let him contact you again.

You are 32, a fully grown adult woman. If you continue a relationship with this man child you will spend your whole relationship doing what mammy says. Only going out if she lets you. Only going places that she says is ok. It will be like being 12 and having to get permission to do everything.

Leave him to his mammy. I hope the two of them will be very happy together.

MouseTail

OP, are there cultural issues here that might make it easier to advise? One thing that is common across all cultures, if someone really really wants to be with you, they will be, even if it makes life very difficult for themselves.

This man seems to have made his choice, he wants the easier life and that is not to go against his family. Im sorry, but I think you have no choice but to move on.

wirelessdude01

Gonna go out on a limb here and wonder is there a family farm in the mix here and they don't want you getting your hands on it? Either way you are well out of this rubbish relationship. A grown man shouldn't be dictated to by his siblings and mammy.

GritBiscuit

Two months? Let that sink in OP. 2 months...

Suggesting you both go and tell his mother you are in love? The whole mammy controls my life like I'm a little boy weirdness? Run and keep running. It sounds hideously unhealthy dynamics on all sides.

There are people out there who fight to be together against all odds - this is not one of those situations. If someone is prepared to let you go so easily, let them. They are doing you an enormous favour. Imagine how married life and kids would have been like with this guy? Thank your lucky stars you found out what you were staring down the barrel of early doors.

Best of luck

Ursus Horribilis

I'd also be wary of someone who was this intense and talking about marriage within such a short space of time. Between that and the issues with his mother, you've dodged a bullet. Anyway, any relationship which involves this amount of drama is a car crash in slow motion.

Sephiroth_dude

All that drama at the start of a relationship? Lucky escape by the sounds of it, run for the hills and don't look back.

Dial Hard

There was bizarre behaviour on both sides here. He's clearly completely entangled in the apron strings and you were *far* too invested in a two month relationship. And what on earth were you doing texting the woman asking her if she'd had lunch??? I don't really blame her for being a bit wary of you after that, to be honest.

This is over. Accept that and move on, and maybe have a little think about your boundaries in future relationships. It's possible you came on too strong with her and she reacted to that.

jimd2

First of all your original post is difficult to read - for me anyway with tired eyes and a laptop. Use paragraphs.

<Mod note: Paragraphs corrected!>

I agree with the points made above. Two perceptive points above. One questioning cultural differences. From the text I would ask is he Irish and you non-Irish? Also, as asked above, is he due to inherit a family farm?

Unfortunately the above could be factors in the mummy's attitude towards yourself. It wold be very difficult for you to claw back the situation without him being fully committed towards you. So, my advice is to walk away with your dignity intact. Cut all contact and delete his number etc. Unfriend him etc on social media.

Big Bag of Chips

I'd question why on the second time of meeting her you had her mobile number?!

It's all a bit ott for a relationship that was really only a few weeks. You tried too hard, and he didn't try at all. If someone is agreeable to everything you say, and doesn't seem like they have an original thought of their own, its usually a bad sign. Because if they do everything you say, they probably do everything everyone else says, and as the saying goes you can't please everyone all of the time. And I can guarantee, Mammy will always be top dog and she will always have the final say.

So if you'd like an adult relationship find one where you don't have to beg his mother!

jimd2

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I'd question why on the second time of meeting her you had her mobile number?!

I thought that was weird as well. She must have had to ask the BF for the number. All very strange for the early days of a relationship.

LegacyUser

OP I'm assuming you are not Irish and I can't help but feel this may be the issue here.

My husband's brother fell in love with a girl from Eastern Europe a few years ago. She was truly lovely in every way; kind, caring, generous, highly intelligent, classy, polite, educated, a great career, beautiful, fun, and adored my husband's brother. They were together for many months before he summed up the courage to mention her to his typical Irish mammy.

His friends and my husband and I got to know her very well, and we even visited her home country for a short holiday where we met her lovely family. My husband and I adored her, but dreaded her being introduced to the mother, knowing how small minded, old fashioned and racist she is.

My husband's brother asked us to be there for the first introduction, and the very first question the mammy asked was what religion she is. The girl was Russian Orthodox, answered without hesitation, and was instantly judged and struck off by the mother as inappropriate for her son. Nothing she could do after that mattered. Even if she had been a good catholic girl, it wouldn't have been acceptable, because she wasn't from the local area. Essentially, if the girl didn't know and mix with the same circle of people all her life as her boyfriend's family, it wasn't going to be approved.

My husband's brother lives and works alongside his mammy on the family farm, and essentially if his girl isn't from within a 3 mile radius, she's not welcome.

Unfortunately my husband's brother was too damaged and moulded by his mammy to fight for his happiness and relationship. He knows no better. It's a common form of abuse in many Irish households which is overlooked or ignored, dismissed as just a protective mammy looking out for her son.

He ended up breaking up with her and had a one night stand with a local girl (who turned out to be a very unkind and nasty person) and got her pregnant, and she is now bringing misery to all of their lives. I can't help but feel a little hint of 'good enough for you, mammy'. She got her catholic daughter in law from within a 3 mile radius, and she also got the dreaded unmarried mother living on the family farm, who has never worked a day in her life and is now doing everything in her power to acquire the family assets.

Perhaps your situation is totally different OP, but if it is a case that you are not Irish, and perhaps this guy is from a rural background, it's quite possible he's been moulded by his mother and is incapable of making any decision of his own. If that is the case, you are far better to run now while you can. Consider this a lucky escape. If it had worked out, you would spend the rest of your life having his mother interfere in every aspect of your lives, and you would never be right.

Austria!

Ok, forget him, it's over and you should be glad of that. Now we discuss you

Zizi77 wrote: »

I
I called him and cursed him. I felt like i was being played off by him. Because if he really loves me, he would not leave me and should have contacted me as he knows my condition, was crying badly and sick. Im so heartbroken and depressed. Should i beg him and his mum?

He doesn't know you long enough to possibly love you. You don't know him long enough to justify this reaction. You should not be crying or heartbroken or sick or depressed over a 2 month relationship. I don't know what to advise and you didn't start this thread to talk about you, but I'll just say how you feel is worrying.