Has he not moved on?

LegacyUser

Hi all,
I'll try make this short. Basically I was in a relationship with a work colleague for just over a year. when I look back we got on so well at the start and had so much fun. we both fell madly in love with each other. I was his first love, he used to tell me I was like an angel from heaven and how much he loved me. The relationship became very volatile , he was mentally abusive and controlling towards me. He used to threaten me if I was to leave him.

He is a very insecure person I know that, he has no confidence and would be a very stubborn person. He constantly put me down, belittled me and knocked all my confidence out of me. it was mental torture. I eventually got the courage to stand up to this bully. I broke away, changed my number, went counselling and got back on my feet.

It's been 3 years so you'd imagine all would have been well forgotten. We are on the same shift in work every 4 weeks, I always try be the bigger person and act professional , I say hello but he completely ignores me, he will glance at me but will not look at me and will avoid me at all costs. I don't know why he cant just be professional in work, we do have to work together. he will try avoid been in the same room as me, if he goes to walk into canteen or smoking area or basement or laundry room in work and I'm there he will immediately walk out. We aren't teenagers, he's 30 and immature. It was a really tough breakup for both of us but 3 years on I don't know why he's still acting like this.

Lead

Maybe he just doesnt want to be near his ex. I know i wouldnt want to spend a dying minute near one of mine. He's doing the opposite of harassing you so thank your stars.

retro:electro

Sounds like he is doing the absolute correct thing, and tbh you should be doing the same. Why are you so concerned if he says hello to you or not? After what he put you through, you should be thanking your lucky stars he is behaving like this and not making your life a misery. It's weird that you equate this behaviour with him "not moving on", for me this is proof that he has moved on.
For me, considering your history with him, your concern is odd.

tara73

you both had a relationship, it ended badly. some people can put it behind them, some can not. He obviously can not, that's how it is, you need to acceppt that.
I would actually stop greeting him too, why doing it if he doesn't greet back? I would ignore him too, easy as that.

As others have said, thank god he's ignoring you, after reading your opening post I expected the opposite!

Ursus Horribilis

Sometimes relationships (and by that, I don't just mean romantic ones) become so toxic that they go beyond repair. It's not as rare as you think for people to be barely able to spend time in the same room as the person they've fallen out with. Exchanging niceties is a very tough thing to do if you have strong negative feelings against the other person. We can only speculate as to what this guy's feelings are these days but I can very much understand why he'd not want to be in the same room as you. It's a very big ask for him to act civil going by what you told us. As the others said, you're lucky he's avoiding you rather than making your life a misery.

BetsyEllen

I think it's odd that him not saying hello, 3 years on, is concerning you enough that you would ask for advice.

If he's moved on or not, what does it matter?
The fact that you keep saying hello to him is probably giving the impression that it's actually you that hasn't moved on.

Just stop saying hello to him, pretend he's not there and get on with your work.

If he was as awful as you say he was, why you'd be bothered about this is a mystery to me!

leggo

Yeah OP, it looks more like that it's bothering you that he has moved on than him having not moved on tbh. When you break up with someone, if they choose to not want anything at all to do with you (including saying hello or having catch-ups at will), that's their call to make and you just have to respect it.