Don't know where to start with dating

LegacyUser

So I am a 24 year old guy, almost a year out of college, and I have absolutely no idea where I would even begin with dating. I would be fairly quiet by nature, wouldn't have much confidence but not overly shy or anything. It's sort of like any girl I do meet I tend to treat them just in a friendly way; I would have no idea how to even show any romantic interest in any way for fear of coming across as a creep.

Nightclubs have always been a source of anxiety for me, to the point where I would often leave alone within half an hour of getting there. I've also tried Tinder but never really had much luck; had one potential date lined up but it never happened in the end.

I should probably mention that I did have one girlfriend before, prior to college, and I suppose I was really hurt and hung up about that for a very long time. I had no interest in anyone else at all for well over a year, and beyond one or two one night stands in college, there really hasn't been anyone else since. She, on the other hand, seemingly got over it pretty quickly, and has been with loads of people since me. I still sometimes get kinda upset when I hear through mutual friends that she is with someone, not in a bitter or wanting to get back with her way; but more a feeling of guilt that I still haven't moved on in any real way, when I really should have by now.

College itself was a mixed bag for me, as I transferred colleges during my course, and I never really settled into the second one. I tried the usual joining clubs and stuff but always felt a bit out of place, and gave up most of them by my final year. I feel like college is supposed to be where most people get experience with this sort of thing, but it just never happened for me.

I'm now working full time, and most evenings during the week I would tend to just be alone in my house, on the laptop or whatever. I would go out most weekends, either with workmates or old friends when I go back home, but it would usually just be ourselves drinking at a table in a pub, I don't see how I could ever meet someone in that type of setting.

Not sure what I'm looking for here, just some sort of direction as to where to start? The longer this goes on it's becoming a further source of anxiety for me, and damaging my self esteem in other ways, so I think I really should do something about it. Any advice is appreciated.

zoobizoo

where_to_start wrote: »

I would go out most weekends, either with workmates or old friends when I go back home, but it would usually just be ourselves drinking at a table in a pub, I don't see how I could ever meet someone in that type of setting.

You can't meet anyone in that type of setting. And nightclubs aren't for you... so what can you do.....


I joined a club in my early 30s... best thing I ever did in terms of making friends and meeting women.

There were members in their 20s and 30s mainly and lots of weekends away. Shared lifts across the country and shared houses with some people I knew, many who I didn't know (at the start anyway).

It opened up my social life (friends had no interest in doing much other than hitting the pub on Saturday nights) and those friends are people I'd meet up with now, often more often than my old friends.

By making friends with women, you will grow in confidence around them. The romance will follow.

Mr. Incognito

Go on dating sites and force yourself to go on dates.

It's a bag of nerves at the start but you will get used to it and it will get easier.