Do most women want to settle down and have children?

LegacyUser

Im 39 and I dont really know why, but I dont want to settle down. At least not yet. I have so much I want to do in my life, adventures to be had and dreams to be fulfilled. The thoughts of a mortgage, wife and kids right now leaves me feeling cold. A lot of my friends have gone that route and they're not happy. When they get a few drinks on them they'll tell the truth and tell me not to get married. Ever. I know the booze can influence what you say, but it does scare me. I would like to meet someone though who sets me on fire. But Im concerned that because of the fact that I have no intention of getting married and having children, mortgage etc, that this would turn a lot of women off. I mean would it? Or would a lot of women not care and just roll with it to see what happens?

BetsyEllen

guest_today wrote: »

Im 39 and I dont really know why, but I dont want to settle down. At least not yet. I have so much I want to do in my life, adventures to be had and dreams to be fulfilled. The thoughts of a mortgage, wife and kids right now leaves me feeling cold. A lot of my friends have gone that route and they're not happy. When they get a few drinks on them they'll tell the truth and tell me not to get married. Ever. I know the booze can influence what you say, but it does scare me. I would like to meet someone though who sets me on fire. But Im concerned that because of the fact that I have no intention of getting married and having children, mortgage etc, that this would turn a lot of women off. I mean would it? Or would a lot of women not care and just roll with it to see what happens?

I'm not sure there'd be a lot of women but there are certainly some - myself included.

I'm 30 and the thoughts of having a child fills me with dread.
I can never imagine the kind of life my friends and colleagues have; getting up early on a Saturday to go and watch them play football, struggling to pay my bills because I have to buy new books/a new school uniform, feeling worried each Christmas because I have to buy the latest gadgets and may not be able to afford them.
Going on a night out with friends is a rare treat as they can never get babysitters.
Waking up at 6am on a Sunday...no thanks!

Children are great but I have no desire to have my own and each year that passes, I feel more certain of my decision.

Threads like this pop up from women on here now and again, and there is always quite a few ladies coming on and saying they feel the same.

I recently updated my PoF profile to specifically state that I have no interest in kids, marriage etc and would just like to meet somebody who I can enjoy time with, go travelling etc but not 'settle down' with.
My inbox has gone very quiet haha so it's not just women that are out looking to have babies and buy a house.

SarahMollie

I'm somewhat settled down I guess, but that doesnt mean I want the whole 2.4 children scenario. I live with my OH and we're going to get married, but thats probably where the conventional ends for me. We just love our lifestlye too much to consider having children. We go away a lot, like to eat out, like to have a lie in at the weekend and go to the gym after work. I'm very lucky to have found a man who doesnt want children either. He often refers to his friends who have children as having ruined their lives (tongue in cheek obvs) as they just don't have the freedom that we do. We have a cat and honestly thats probably enough responsibility for us! In the future we may also get a dog, but I think that would be about the limit.

Dr Crayfish

From what I can see, most women do yes, but not all. A flurry of my friends got married around the ages of 31/32 etc and some are now waiting for divorce and some are not happy at all. With the choices and opportunities available nowadays I think it makes it harder to have a successful marriage. People used to marry out of necessity as well as love, when times were hard, but we're a rich country now and beyond the big day out for everyone I can't really see the point in marriage myself.

I would like to meet someone though who sets me on fire

Are you looking to meet a pyromaniac? I'll set you on fire if you pay me enough.

I'm in a similar boat to you, I really don't like attending weddings, never mind being the star of the show. I think it really limits the dating pool, as the majority of women seem to want marriage and kids. I wouldn't mind having a kid one day possibly but I can't see it happening at this stage. But yeah, just live your life, if you're happy that's all that matters.

eviltwin

There are definitely lots of women who don't want kids. You might find it harder to meet someone who doesn't want a long term commitment though, you might struggle there but it doesn't mean it's impossible.

Just be honest in your intentions and trust your instincts.

GingerLily

For me and my OH children have always been in the plan but now we're approaching the age we're not as enthusiastic!

We are however desperate to settle down in other ways, specifically buying a home is something we're both determined on and are doing all the saving we can (alongside budgeting for a wedding).

I'm terrified of being homeless and could buy on my own if I needed, I'm just lucky my partner is at the same place as I am to share in the journey!

LegacyUser

I recently just broke up with my girlfriend of nearly 4 years because i've realized recently that I just didn't want to get married and have kids(i'm nearly 35 and so is she) I liked our lives the way it was, going away and going for meals etc etc but she was constantly putting pressure on me to get her a ring, she was even looking up wedding venues and i started to shake like a leaf until i had a chat with her and broke up.

She deserves the husband and kids but for some reason i wasn't excited about that life, I see my friends constantly talking about how their lives are over and how they "Got the greencard" to go out for a couple of drinks and it makes me shake my head.

Its been a few months since we broke up and I feel really good and a serious weight has been lifted off my shoulder, what makes me sad the most is that i've hurt her and thats what I think about alot.

Dr Crayfish

caolaneoin123 wrote: »

Its been a few months since we broke up and I feel really good and a serious weight has been lifted off my shoulder, what makes me sad the most is that i've hurt her and thats what I think about alot.

You did the best thing for her, fair play

Aspadeaspade

I'm also 39, I'm female, I've been told I'm pretty, funny and smart and I've been single for over two years now and the thought of finding someone and settling down is a huge turn off. I've had an 8 year relationship, I've been engaged to another fella. Right now I really wouldn't give up my freedom unless I fell truly madly deeply in love and to be honest I just don't see it happening, even if it did I wouldn't want to get married and it's a bit late for kids which I don't want either. I guess I just like to stay baggage free but wouldn't mind sharing my life with someone. Marriage and kids is not for everyone and many don't realise this until they've bitten the bullet and by then it's too late. I don't fear growing old alone and I think it's becoming more and more common nowadays to feel like this.

LegacyUser

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

You did the best thing for her, fair play

Thanks, its been tough but I've just tried to keep myself busy and exercise, at one stage the thought of actually getting engaged went through my mind and it got me thinking that people must actually get engaged/married for the sake of it, society says so.

Airyfairy12

I love kids but if I never have any id be ok with that, I always thought id change my mind about wanting kids when im older but now I am older and marriage and having children couldnt be further from my thoughts. Besides the huge lifestyle change that I wouldnt want to start with, kids and marriage are so expensive I can just about feed and clothe myself and the thoughts of ever having a huge mortgage hanging over me that realistically ill never pay off with the constant fear of potentially losing my home if I couldnt afford that mortgage for whatever reason. We're not in our parents era when a single person could buy a home on a basic wage and support a family. Theres also too many things I want to do like travel, build a career, get more college education and the thought of pregnancy gives me anxiety, those videos that everyone seems to love showing the baby kicking the mothers stomach and you can see the child moving, they make me cringe, I find it so alien and terrifying. Marriage and babies arent on my cards and im very happy with that.

Smile111

I'm 35 and definitely don't want kids either. I like my lifestyle as it is thank you:).
I honestly think it's more men that want kids not the other way round.

Malari

Smile111 wrote: »

I honestly think it's more men that want kids not the other way round.

In my experience this is the case. All my female friends and acquaintances were very accepting of me not having kids. Males are either non-plussed or non-believing.

But I don't think it's such a binary thing anyway. Women are not divided into "Not Interested in Marriage and Kids Ever" and "Marriage and Kids are All I Strive for".

I knew I was never having kids, my husband was mostly sure he didn't, and is now 100% sure. We never really considered marriage in any real way until we decided to get married after 10 years of renting together for next of kin reasons.

LegacyUser

Op here. Thanks for the replies. Honestly I expected to get hammered for admitting that I didnt want to settle down(yet). Its good to hear from others who feel the same way. I train with a this grp and one of the people there is a lady in her 60s. She flat out told me not to have kids(she had 3). She said if she had it to do over she wouldnt have gone down the road she did. Which was a pretty shocking admission.

Smile111 wrote: »

I'm 35 and definitely don't want kids either. I like my lifestyle as it is thank you:).
I honestly think it's more men that want kids not the other way round.

You really think its men that want kids more? From my own experience, thats not the case. My friends and all the lads I know, aren't exactly pushing the issue. Its the their wives/girlfriends who are the ones who bring it up. Or to be more specific, its seems to be the girls friends, work colleagues, family, who bring it up more than anyone else.

blacklilly

I think there are a growing number of women who are choosing not to have children, primarily down to wanting independence, furthering their career, enjoying their own time etc. They feel they have enough fulfillment in life without children.

I have always liked children, although have never felt very broody but always took for granted that I would want them some day. I'm 30 now and really am not interested in having them,. In saying that, I cannot say with certainty that I will not want a child some day.

For me personally, the older I get without them, the bigger I feel the adjustment will be to have them.

neonsofa

Malari wrote: »

In my experience this is the case. All my female friends and acquaintances were very accepting of me not having kids. Males are either non-plussed or non-believing.

But I don't think it's such a binary thing anyway. Women are not divided into "Not Interested in Marriage and Kids Ever" and "Marriage and Kids are All I Strive for".

I knew I was never having kids, my husband was mostly sure he didn't, and is now 100% sure. We never really considered marriage in any real way until we decided to get married after 10 years of renting together for next of kin reasons.

You have phrased your post so well about it not being binary.

Also whenever this topic comes up you get a lot of "oh my friends have ruined their lives and I'd hate that lifestyle" or the opposite, "oh you'll change your mind in time, you won't know til you actually have your own". Both imo are equally dismissive. I think if more people were just respectful of other people's decisions- whether that be no kids or enough for a football team- it wouldn't be so taboo. It's the attitude that there is a "right" decision that I think offends people and as a result makes them defensive when justifying their own opinion in future- something they don't even need to do. And the vicious cycle continues.

I think once you are honest about your feelings on it and upfront about your desires then you'll find someone else who shares them. It's when people don't communicate properly or try to compromise on an issue that isn't really compromis-able (?) that it becomes a problem I think.

panda100

Smile111 wrote:

I'm 35 and definitely don't want kids either. I like my lifestyle as it is thank you . I honestly think it's more men that want kids not the other way round.

Have to agree with this as a 34 year old women . Any men of similar age I have dated recently have been very keen to settle down and start a family.

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Cupcake_Crisis

Some do, some don't! I've plenty of friends who would love to settle down and start a family, some who are vehemently against it and some who don't really care either way.

Funny thing is though, when I get a few drinks on me I always complain about being single. The grass is always greener!

notsoyoungwan

37 year old woman here, and I don't want kids or a marriage/long-term relationship. Neither are for me. I enjoy dating, and short-term flings, but that's as far as it goes. I've an FB set-up as well, so that meets my needs nicely!

Black_Pepper

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Different people are going to want different things.

I dont want kids but I couldnt bear to be stuck renting in Irelands renting market - so I did want a mortgage!

If you have no intention of getting married, where would you see a relationship going?

Or are you just not into any long term relationships at all?

Whatever it is you are after, just be honest when you meet people, because theres nothing worse than getting into a relationship on a dishonest premise.

Why does a relationship have to go anywhere? It can just be two people choosing to enjoy each other's company.

mailforkev

Getting married doesn't have to change your lifestyle at all. It's the kids that will do that.

I'm married with a mortgage for years but can still go to a match or a few pints or a stroll and a chat with the lads. Can still head off on the odd weekend away without my wife. And herself does the same. We also do lots together.

Just marry someone sound and not needy.

Wesser

I love these frank boardsie discussions. They lift my heart!!!

LegacyUser

I am female and in my early 40's. In the past I would have said yes I would like to get married/have kids but it was not my whole of my life. I am currently single.

I don't think that every woman or man wants to get married and or have children. Years ago you meet some one, got married and had children but this is no longer the case.

I have seen even the stongest realtionships wobble when they have a baby or small children. Are you better off not bring a child into the world unless they are wanted by both parents and you realise that once you bring a baby into the world you are responsible for them for the next least the next 18 years or longer if they go to college.

I think when you meet someone one you should be honest about what you want ie kids, marriage. Not every couple that live together or get married necessarly want to have kids. for any number of reasons. I have seen people stay in so called realtionships as they don't want to be on their own.

MHickman

Different people want different things and once people are ok with their choice and upfront about it there's nothing wrong with it. Women won't be into you for a variety of reasons, some of which will probably be that you don't have the same relationship/life goals as them. Where it gets sticky is when you're not upfront or appear 'undecided' about it....then it gets complicated.

I never wanted kids and was dating someone who also didn't want them and then one day I did....and he still didn't. So we broke up and years later I'm married with twins (!!) and everything worked out ok for the pair of us. I respected his honesty and that he was upfront enough to say it wasn't for him...rather than me hang around years on a promise that he 'might' want them.

Assassin saphir

Myself and OH have no intention of having kids either. We have a nice house, manageable mortgage and we decided very early in our relationship that kids were not for us.We both work full time and have demanding jobs. I love our days off together, heading out whenever we want, romantic meals out together, working out/running and seeing the world. We went on 4 holidays last year and have had 2 already this year and 2 more planned. I see friends with kids and it makes me shudder. No sleep, house is wrecked and they are broke with no time to themselves.
I feel our relationship is stronger without kids we enjoy our time together and share similar interests but we also make time to do things with friends on our own. I just hate when people think they have a right to tell me that I'm a cold person for not wanting kids or that I will change my mind. Trust me I won't!

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K_P

I think you probably just have to look around you to see that most people of both genders do want to settle down and have kids, but there are a significant number who don't. OP, the kind of person who you'll fall deeply madly in love with is probably someone who will share your world view and value freedom and adventure as much as you do. If / when you find that person at least you'll know you've held out and waited for the right person rather than compromising who you are and what you want for the first person who comes along.

SarahMollie

People can have purpose without creating mini humans - in fact, to be capable of being happy in yourself, for "being enough" just as you are shows great peace of mind. I can't understand the mindset of anyone being "incomplete" without children as people often say. I view myself as plenty complete and my relationships whit my partner, family and friends are fulfilling for me.

I don't think I need a burden to carry/struggle to bear just to make my life meaningful. I'm not depressed because I'm living a life thats true to who I am, rather than doing what society expects.

dudara

When I was younger I didn't want to have kids, but I suspected that might change as I got older. Biological clock and all that.

However, my feelings haven't changed at all. I have a busy job and a lifestyle that gives me a lot of satisfaction and I've never felt the call of nature to have a child. I obviously still wonder if this is the "right" thing, but I don't have any niggly feelings or concerns. So I am assuming that this is the right choice for me.

I do wonder sometimes how many women from older generations would do it differently if they had the choices we have now.

SarahMollie

dudara wrote: »

When I was younger I didn't want to have kids, but I suspected that might change as I got older. Biological clock and all that.

However, my feelings haven't changed at all. I have a busy job and a lifestyle that gives me a lot of satisfaction and I've never felt the call of nature to have a child. I obviously still wonder if this is the "right" thing, but I don't have any niggly feelings or concerns. So I am assuming that this is the right choice for me.

I do wonder sometimes how many women from older generations would do it differently if they had the choices we have now.

I'm the same, and for that reason I'd never try to do anything permanent to prevent it, but I really don't see anything changing. Like you say, its not something that I really think about, I never have those "what if" niggles. Now I've a few years to go yet, but I really think that if nothing has kicked in as yet, I'm unlikely to change my mind.

I think there are a lot of people who given their time again would choose differently. I'm glad I wasnt born 50 or 100 years earlier, I don't think it would have suited me!

StripedBoxers

I myself don't want children, I am quite young and have known for a long time that they are not for me. I'm female.

All bar one of my friends have children and I see the constant daily struggle they all have with time.

They are worn out and exhausted, have no time to themselves, they are constantly worrying about where money is going to come for back to school expenses, activities for kids, when kids are invited to birthdays/have their own birthdays/communions/confirmations, trips away with their activities etc. It's endless.

I am going through treatment at the moment for an illness and before starting treatment I was asked by my consultant about freezing eggs and I said I wouldn't be doing it, when my friends asked why and I told them it's because I don't want kids, they took no time in giving me "their piece" on why I should have and will want to have children, along with comments for weeks about the pride you have being a parent, raising kids is amazing etc. and I've no doubt it brings huge pride, joy and happiness and it is a wonderful thing to be a parent, by choice, however I found (and do find) it very patronising when people tell me that I am too young to have made such a decision and that I will change my mind.

I might be young, but I am entirely capable and competent in making big decisions like that for myself. Hell, with the illness I've had I've had to make huge decisions of similar, and even more importance (to me at least).

Everyone is different and makes different choices and sacrifices to suit them, their lives, their needs and their happiness, whether that means having no children, having one child or having several children.

What I would love is to find someone on the same page as me, to buy our own home and live a life full of happiness, joy and satisfaction, without children. Marriage I can give or take, I don't want a wedding, but marriage is something I would definitely consider, I think it is important, NOK, etc and all of that, but children are a definite no no, and always will be.

Parchment

I dont want to get married and i dont want to children.

I do own a house with my partner - that was practical for us.

I have never wanted kids or to be married and it has never changed. I am in the minority with my friends and a minority in society i guess.

SarahMollie

StripedBoxers wrote: »

What I would love is to find someone on the same page as me, to buy our own home and live a life full of happiness, joy and satisfaction, without children. Marriage I can give or take, I don't want a wedding, but marriage is something I would definitely consider, I think it is important, NOK, etc and all of that, but children are a definite no no, and always will be.

Sorry to hear you're unwell - I'm sure being lectured about your reproductive choices isnt helpful, but I suppose people think they have to exhaust all possibilities before a choice that cannot be undone is made.

I'm getting married later this year, but like you said its the marriage thats important to me, not the wedding. We're doing something quite small, just family and close friends and we're just not doing things that don't appeal - like having a first dance, getting a videographer or doing wedding favours. However if we just did a registry office do, I'd probably be fine with that also, but I'm an only child so we wanted my parents to have some semblance of a wedding, whilst keeping it very small and very "us". Anyway, I digress.

NOK etc and making a formal, recognized commitment is whats important to me - I've no princess delusions regarding getting married. I also look forward to buying a place together and making it ours. Being honest, my relationship has helped me feel fulfilled and grounded, and I actually feel like children would potentially disrupt that. I've seen plenty of couples lose sight of each other as all focus has gone on the children. Its just not the life for me.

Loveinapril

A few posters have noted very interesting examples about their relationship being stronger because they have the focus on each other. I think this is a really good point as a lot of couples I know (most, really) have had unplanned pregnancies relatively early in their relationship so had to kind of grow their relationships as parents instead of partners. I am pregnant and my husband and I consciously waited this long (11 years together) to add kids into the mix because we are very aware of the sacrifices we will have to make in our individual lives and in our little world as a couple. We always knew we would have kids, but out of his group of 11 close friends, we are the last to start a family (he is 35). I can completely understand the stress and pressure from people sticking their oars in. It is a horrible thing to have to deal with. I know of a couple in their late thirties who had always said they would never have kids. They have an amazing lifestyle. All their friends have now had children and the couple are thinking of having a child purely because they feel a bit isolated. Their friends are no longer free for nights out and holidays so they do more things alone, so it is nearly a silent pressure.

mailforkev

dudara wrote: »

I do wonder sometimes how many women from older generations would do it differently if they had the choices we have now.

The average family size has dropped by over 25% since the early 90s and the birth rate by a similar amount since the 80s. So you don't even have to go back too far to see the difference choice has made to women.

StripedBoxers

SarahMollie wrote: »

Sorry to hear you're unwell - I'm sure being lectured about your reproductive choices isnt helpful, but I suppose people think they have to exhaust all possibilities before a choice that cannot be undone is made.

Thank you, you're right about that. I have breast cancer and the cancer I have is caused by the production of oestrogen so to freeze eggs I would need to have had oestrogen put into my body which would have hugely helped my cancer and could quite easily have caused my cancer to become incurable, so I most definitely was not having it done and putting myself at risk "just in case" I might change my mind in future.

As I said to my friends, if ever did change my mind there is adoption, fostering, surrogacy etc so there are other options out there, should I ever need them.

My friends are all older than I am, all married with mortgages and children and they are very traditional, so anything outside the norm, they struggle to understand as they believe everyone is traditional.

Only two of my friends said to me to do as I wanted, every other one of them took no time in giving me lectures about it. One of them said they couldn't understand my decision and I said to her, "you don't have to understand it, it's a decision I made, for myself and something I am pretty sure on. I didn't wake up one day and just decide that I don't want children, its something I thought about for a long time and decided on over time", thankfully there hasn't been a word about it since.

My friends all say that they thought of having babies, but didn't think of everything after that, childcare, constant child-related expenses, no more holidays, time off work if kids are sick/in hospital etc and the constant money struggles. They didn't see that babies grow into toddlers, into small kids, into teenagers and whatnot, they just saw small cute babies and didn't think of the rest until the rest came along and they had to go with it obviously.

SarahMollie wrote: »

I'm getting married later this year, but like you said its the marriage thats important to me, not the wedding. We're doing something quite small, just family and close friends and we're just not doing things that don't appeal - like having a first dance, getting a videographer or doing wedding favours. However if we just did a registry office do, I'd probably be fine with that also, but I'm an only child so we wanted my parents to have some semblance of a wedding, whilst keeping it very small and very "us". Anyway, I digress.

NOK etc and making a formal, recognized commitment is whats important to me - I've no princess delusions regarding getting married. I also look forward to buying a place together and making it ours. Being honest, my relationship has helped me feel fulfilled and grounded, and I actually feel like children would potentially disrupt that. I've seen plenty of couples lose sight of each other as all focus has gone on the children. Its just not the life for me.

That sounds absolutely perfect, and exactly like the wedding I would want to have, if I ever did get married.

Like you, its the formalities that are important to me and the marriage afterwards, a wedding is one day, a marriage is for life, that is what matters most.

I wish you all the best with your wedding, I hope you have a wonderful day and many happy years together.

Bambi985

Most women do want the marriage and kids shebang, just going on what I'm seeing and hearing all around me at 31. I'd find any of those annoying/rude "will I be buying a hat soon (nudge nudge wink wink)" or "you better get a move on!" comments are mainly from women too, often older ones but lots of people of my generation too. It's an ever-increasing circle of engagements, weddings, mortgages and baby bumps and the office conversations and friendly get-togethers reflect that too.

I think these types of threads will always attract that small percentage of people who don't want those things, because when you reach a certain age and are used to seeing the same patterns and get the same questions you typically will have given it a lot of thought to have come to a decisive and against-the-grain decision. It's disproportionate to what I'd see in the real world though, where although people are waiting until later than earlier generations, most women are still opting for babies and the whole shebang.

Your best course of action is to keep an open mind and be HONEST with any women you meet along the way. Things can change when you meet someone who changes your world, but equally if you're almost 40 and feeling this way, it's likely that this is the life that suits you best. If you have an online dating profile, I'd say you should disclose it there in a casual sort of way; if you're actively dating don't let yourself get knee deep without the lady in question being aware of what you're not in the market for. There's obviously women who feel the same as you do, but your field of potential partners will be a lot smaller all the same.

meeeeh

People want or adapt to different situations. I have two kids and adore them I don't mind all the stuff around it, the lifestyle is grand too, we usually​ do 2, 3 holidays per year and a few weekends away without them. And no we are not on some spectacular income, I am just making point plenty people manage comfortable lifestyle with kids. Ownining house is very important to me (in Ireland) and currently we are sort of planning the wedding for legal reasons which I find completely unnecessary outdated nonsense but it has to be done.

For me if someone said I don't want kids or marriage I would be fine with that. And no I don't regret kids at all, I just think you can enjoy life either way. However no mortgage would be serious turn off unless we would be very well off and have the option to buy outright. I would just imagine being 70 in some pokey flat, scraping together monthly rent and needing to ask landlord for permission whenever you need to repaint the walls in some dreadful magnolia shade.

amtc

There's also an inbetween...it's not I don't want children, it just didn't happen. And unlikely to now, but I wouldn't pursue it. My best friend is doing ivf and would kill for it. I don't have that urge.

Regarding settling down, I woke up on my 30th birthday...engagement ring and house...and was never so miserable.

31 sitting in my own house (no ring) and was never so happy.

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silverharp

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It all comes down to not regretting your choices. If you are happy with your choices in your 40's and 50's and have no regrets then it is all good. As a dad I can say I don't regret a thing if it would mean not having my kids. By my early 30's I had done all the fancy restaurants, city breaks and whatever else comes under the "carefree lifestyle", another 20 years of that wouldn't have added anything to my life. On the other hand having kids opened up a whole other set of experiences that I wouldn't trade for anything

BetsyEllen

To be honest, a few years ago I would have been happy to have a baby.
I got married young and there was stage where my husband and I discussed having a child.
However, the marriage didn't last and I was single again by the time I turned 27.

I'm now 30 and the chance to have children just hasn't presented itself.
And in the last couple of years the idea of settling down with a partner again and having a child has become so alien to me that I just don't want it anymore.

If I'd have met someone after my husband left and he'd wanted children, maybe I'd be a mother now and my life would be incredibly different.
However it hasn't happened and I wouldn't be prepared to do it now.

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Bambi985

I think this thread has turned into a debate about parenthood and the choice surrounding that rather than the OP's PI, which is his concern that a lack of desire to have children will affect his dating options.

The reality is that yes it will. Being transparent about not wanting children and to go the conventional route will turn a lot of women off. It would likely turn me off, not because I definitely want to have children - even at 31 I can't answer that question - but because I wouldn't be willing to completely rule it out. I'd want the option of children to exist in my future, rather than it to exist as a complete no-no. I'd say there are as many women like me as there are that definitely, 100% want kids, but far far fewer who definitely don't want them.

But that's the dating world. Certain traits will be a dealbreaker for certain people and wanting kids will be pretty high on that list.

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SarahMollie

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Completely agree - yes not everyone wants the nuclear family + marriage + home ownership and all the other conventions that go with that, but its certainly not all or nothing. Plenty of people want the house part only, or the marriage part only, but its not linear. If the OP wants none of the above, I'd imagine thats going to be limiting for him if he wants a long term relationship, but he should be honest from the outset to avoid wasting peoples time.

LegacyUser

Op here. Thanks for the replies. Very interestiing debate. I had posted a reply earlier but it never got posted publicly for whatever reasons???

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The thing is though, I never said I didnt want a family, nice home etc. I said just not right now. I want to have kids some day and to raise them in a nice place in the world. But thats something I dont feel compelled to do right now. I know the time will come when I feel that urge strongly and that will be the right time. I've seen too many people settle into this idea of domestic bliss only for it to turn out to be something that made them miserable. That film Revolutionary road is something that really made me think. I just believe you have to find out what your dream is and then go do it, otherwise no wife/husband or kids will ever make up for that thing you never did. Im all up for having a family but first I need to follow my passions and see where those lead, everything else is built on that. I dont even know what country I;ll end up in. Maybe this would put off a lot of women who might crave security and assurances for the immediate future?? If it does so be it, I just think adventure and living life like it is an adventure is way more important than any kind of assurances.

freshpopcorn

Theirs nothing wrong with not having children OP. In my experience women seem to want them tough more than men.
People who don't have children do seem to have better life styles but that wouldn't be for me. One thing I do know is I don't seem to click with people like this OP. Even here on Boards. I can tell my views are different/for of life I want.