Can anything ever be resolved?

LegacyUser

So I had a few dates last year with a guy but didn't go anywhere.I thought he was a really nice guy at the time and he was into me.
However it did not take much to not be into me!
He then lied and told me he was going to a different county and just using women for sex.... and he only wanted casual.
I didn't believe him and told him he just didn't want a relationship with me.
I was right.I found out the truth Sunday.
He told me he had a short term relationship with someone. He was mad about her.To say I wasn't upset was an understatement.It wasn't the relationship.It was the lies that killed me


He text me and was full of chat at wknd.Even offered to drive 2.5 hrs to meet me for lunch.I was so hurt and didn't reply till later but told him meet in a few weeks..
He said why not meet this week.
He tried to talk to me but he didn't get I was hurt.

The next day I text him but little or no effort from him.I didn't pursue it then.
I told him I'd text him in a few weeks see if he wanted to meet then.He agreed.

Things were v good at beg l year.

I just don't get him.He would offer to do a 5 hr trip and then another day barely 2 words out of him.

I know if a guy is into you.You know all about it.
I not going to text him for a month or so and then text him

He might be slightly interested as he offered to drive to me.

This is just for lunch.I knew he was not like he said he was but he kept making up these stories and I know that was cos he had no interest in me at that time:(

Meauldsegosha

Flower11 wrote: »

I not going to text him for a month or so and then text him

Why bother? He's not interested in you, he's lied to you in the past and clearly has no respect for you. Why wait a month to text him so he can let you down again. If you let him treat you like a mug that's exactly what he will do. Delete/block his number, forget about him and get on with your life.

Lead

You went on a few dates and a yr later you're still obsessing about him. You need to walk away from this, it isn't healthy.

Big Bag of Chips

Flower11 wrote: »

He would offer to do a 5 hr trip and then another day barely 2 words out of him.

He offered to do a 5 hour trip in the hope of sex at the end of it. When you didn't immediately jump at the idea he realised sex was probably unlikely, and therefore not worth the effort.

There is nothing here to be salvaged. He liked you enough for a bit of fun at the time. He's not interested in a relationship with you. He may be interested in a relationship with someone else, but that's irrelevant.

This one didn't work out, and the fact that you live so far apart makes it a non runner away. Especially when things are so haphazard with you two. Meet him for sex if you want, but make sure you know that's all he's really interested in. He's told you!

LegacyUser

He told me Sunday he met not one woman for sex. I believe him. I do think he only was going to meet me for lunch. He knows I am not going to meet him for sex.

I won't text him though and see if he comes to me.Funny all chat on day and then the next day barely two words.

Sephiroth_dude

Do yourself a favour and block this Muppets number, hes lied too you already and just wants you for sex by the sounds, it won't lead anywhere and you'll be the one that's hurt at the end it all.

Ursus Horribilis

As everyone else has correctly pointed out, this guy is only looking for sex and you'd be foolish to believe it's anything else but.

The bigger question you need to ask yourself is why you're setting such low standards for yourself. He has demonstrated through words and deeds that he's not boyfriend material. So why are you even considering him? I'm guessing you struggle to get dates/boyfriends, right? Is there anything you can change on that front, rather than wasting your time and dignity on men like this guy?

LegacyUser

Ok.

I don't have problems getting dates but I attract the wrong sort of men and I get too invested too quickly.
He was into me at the beginning. I know this. He always texted me and even bought me a gift after second date! He made effort communicating in texts then. There was no mention of sex. I knew he was into me but I over analysed it all and created a problem when there was none...


Now he is totally different, lied that he was only using women for casual. I thought he was lying but convinced myself he was telling the truth... but I knew deep down.

Anyway if he was into me, he would be making effort to communicate with me.

I am taking a break again from dating. It is hard to meet a genuine guy and when I do, I go and mess it right up as I did with him.

Big Bag of Chips

You say he lied to you, but people lie to each other all the time. Especially in casual dating situations. You went out a few times, got on well, you felt something for him, he realised he didn't feel the same for you and rather than drag it on he made up an excuse. 'It's not you, it's me'. He tried to back away without hurting your feelings. To be honest, I'm not sure why it didn't end back then!

Your (both your) mistake was to continue contact. You were looking for something, he couldn't offer what you want so you both should have gone your separate ways and found what you wanted somewhere else. He has told you very clearly that he doesn't want a relationship with you. He doesn't feel enough for you to have a relationship. That's not his fault, or yours. You're not always going to get that feeling with every person you meet. He might meet someone else who he does have those feelings for and they will end up in a relationship. He doesn't owe you a relationship at any stage just because he told you a while back he wasn't looking for one at that stage.

He has told you what he's looking for from you. Your choosing to not believe him and are convinced he could mean something else. He doesn't. If you are looking for more then you need to find it somewhere else. Texting him in a month isn't going to make any difference.

Meauldsegosha

Flower12 wrote: »

He told me Sunday he met not one woman for sex.

He probably lied to you because he knew that was what you wanted to hear.

Flower12 wrote: »

Funny all chat on day and then the next day barely two words.

It's not funny at all. He was all chat because he wanted to meet up (most likely for sex). He wasn't so chatty the next day because you didn't give him want he wanted.

Sunflower 27

Only he knows what he is doing, and maybe he isn't that sure. Maybe he was after an ego boost to see if he could reel you back? Not for a relationship, but just because he could.

Bottom line, this guy is a pain in the @rse. Raise the bar and engage with men that treat you well. I'm a little concerned for you that a year later he still has an impact on you. Can I ask do you get much attention from men? I'm curious as to why you'd give this guy the time of day. All this drama and you barely know him.

kylith

Why are you deluding yourself? This guy doesn't want a relationship with you. He didn't want one last year, he doesn't want one now, and he's not going to want one in a month. Delete his number, forget about him, and move on with your life. Find someone who does want a relationship with you.

LegacyUser

I suppose no I don't get much attention from guys.I am not ugly or anything just that the way life is.
I'm a size 12 on a dating site. Not a skinny mini like so many on it.
I am not going to text him

Sunflower 27

flower12 wrote: »

I suppose no I don't get much attention from guys.I am not ugly or anything just that the way life is.
I'm a size 12 on a dating site. Not a skinny mini like so many on it.
I am not going to text him

I'm sure you are not ugly

Sounds like you could do with building up your self-esteem so you don't accept the crumbs this guy has thrown your way.

This guy isn't worth your time. Block him and learn from this experience.

LegacyUser

Ye are right.He doesn't give a **** about me.
If he genuinely liked me sure we would have been together last year.

Atm I am going to the gym and losing weight.
This might help with online dating?
Any tips on how not to get invested so quickly?

Ursus Horribilis

Why is online dating the only game in town for you?

Sunflower 27

flower12 wrote: »

Ye are right.He doesn't give a **** about me.
If he genuinely liked me sure we would have been together last year.

Atm I am going to the gym and losing weight.
This might help with online dating?
Any tips on how not to get invested so quickly?

Your over-investment early on could stem from your eagerness to have a partner. When you feel this way you are going to ignore the glaring red flags telling you to walk away from a loser or someone not healthy for you.

I'm a size 12 and never found it a hindrance to meeting men, far from it.

You need to feel confident in yourself that you deserve a good partner and not settle for less.

Do all your friends have partners? Do you feel a partner would validate you, make you happy? None of these reasons are good ones for seeking out a relationship.

Why not take a step back, work on boosting your self-esteem and focus on what you want in a partner? If the thought of not looking for a relationship for a period of time makes you feel anxious, believe me, you need to be single for a while.

LegacyUser

The thought of not looking for a partner does not make me feel anxious.
About 2 of my friends are single. Rest are married. This does not bother. I am single a few years now.

I am taking a step back until July and gonna come back with new photos etc and maybe try a different site

LegacyUser

I really don't go out so online only option. I do fitness classes now but women only attend them.

BetsyEllen

Size 12 is hardly big OP, I'm a 12 and I can promise you I've never had any issues getting a man because of my body (only my personality :P)

I'm glad you're starting to realise you can do better and I hope you continue to believe this. He sounds like an absolute idiot - I would use much stronger words but we can't swear on here!

Now, going back to your weight/size - as I said, it's fine and highly desirable for many people.
However going to the gym still might not be a bad idea, not because you need to be smaller but because exercise is a great way to boost your mood and confidence.
And it will certainly give your mind a break from thinking about guy - keeping busy is key.

Also another benefit is there are always hot guys in the gym - nothing like a bit of eye candy to take your mind off something

Ursus Horribilis

Going to the gym is no bad thing but I never understand why people think it's a place to go to make friends. Any gym I've ever been to has been populated by people who are there to exercise and get out of there again.

LegacyUser

I don't use the gym as a social outlet.Far from it.I work hard there on my own.. If you seen the sweat pouring out of me you would know ha.i

I was just mentionning that as you asked was the online the only game in town for me.

Big Bag of Chips

Do you do anything else socially? You could join a running club, a cycling club, a drama group, a musical society, a tag rugby team, a sailing club, volunteer at a local sports club, the scouts. Do you play an instrument? Could you learn? Adult group lessons are popular.

LegacyUser

I joined a walking club once but age range waa much older than me.
I haven't joined cycling or running as too unfit.

greencap

Tell me about this guy in your first post.

I think I can probably guess where you're going wrong.

LegacyUser

I've moved on but feel free to read the thread..