Small offence that requires imprisonment?

Logo

For a person who can't afford a mortgage and doesn't have many friends. What is the least offensive crime that would require long-term imprisonment? Just asking for a friend who can't afford a mortgage, no house or family. He just needs a few meals a day. Maybe some TV. A gym would be a plus. Also company would be good. Hot water on tap would be a plus. Would he have to commit murder or would a burglary be acceptable? He does realise that he would have to give up his liberty.

Gravelly

If he is a member of certain minorities, comes form a broken home, has addiction problems, didn't really mean it, or had drink taken, then there's probably no crime short of mass murder, non-payment of a TV licence fine, or misdeclaration of VAT on garlic imports that will get him decent jail time.

biko

Tax dodging I'd say. The state will give you(r friend) some serious time for that but regular people aren't too pushed unless you're Bono.

Winterlong

Tell your friend to google 'bombmakers cookbook' on his home computer and start googling the ingredients. It will not take them long to lock him up.

Logo

Gravelly wrote: »

If he is a member of certain minorities, comes form a broken home, has addiction problems, didn't really mean it, or had drink taken, then there's probably no crime short of mass murder, non-payment of a TV licence fine, or misdeclaration of VAT on garlic imports that will get him decent jail time.

For someone not from a certain minority, not from a broken home, no obvious addiction issues, TV licence paid to date, non-garlic fan, just 3 penalty points from speeding to get to work (which cost a weeks wage extra). So what's the ideal crime?

osarusan

Walk into the US embassy with a replica gun in your hand and start shouting. If you survive, you'll get what you are looking for.

Ken.

Import garlic and say its apples.

Gravelly

Logo wrote: »

For someone not from a certain minority, not from a broken home, no obvious addiction issues, TV licence paid to date, non-garlic fan, just 3 penalty points from speeding to get to work (which cost a weeks wage extra). So what's the ideal crime?

Post something nasty about a murderous middle-eastern religious cult, and the hate speech brigade will lobby for some serious time for you.

Mint Sauce

osarusan wrote: »

Walk into the US embassy with a replica gun in your hand and start shouting. If you survive, you'll get what you are looking for.

Would that not get him locked up in a US jail, sharing a sell with some huge gang member, considering it's considered US soil.

osarusan

Mint Sauce wrote: »

Would that not get him locked up in a US jail, sharing a sell with some huge gang member, considering it's considered US soil.

That's the company he was looking for.

minikin

Has he considered signing up to become a priest?
You're housed for life, get a nice car, no shortage of tae and can have as much sex as you like so long as you're discrete about it.

skankkuvhima

VAT, definitely VAT.

Otherwise you will need to rake up nearly 400

http://www.irishexaminer.com/ireland/motorist-with-373-convictions-jailed-and-banned-from-driving-for-25-years-445196.html

Logo

He's just a middle-aged man who's looking for a life worth living. He has no property or family to speak of. Would be nice for him to hook up with others and use a gym. As a solitary person it might be good to watch a flat screen TV too, he says. So does he need to knife someone?

skankkuvhima

Logo wrote: »

He's just a middle-aged man who's looking for a life worth living. He has no property or family to speak of. Would be nice for him to hook up with others and use a gym. As a solitary person it might be good to watch a flat screen TV too, he says. So does he need to knife someone?

VVVVVVAAAAAAAATTTTTT

SEPT 23 1989

appear in court for something minor and then give the judge a slap in the chops

Gravelly

Logo wrote: »

He's just a middle-aged man who's looking for a life worth living. He has no property or family to speak of. Would be nice for him to hook up with others and use a gym. As a solitary person it might be good to watch a flat screen TV too, he says. So does he need to knife someone?

Grindr

One eyed Jack

Logo wrote: »

He's just a middle-aged man who's looking for a life worth living. He has no property or family to speak of. Would be nice for him to hook up with others and use a gym. As a solitary person it might be good to watch a flat screen TV too, he says. So does he need to knife someone?

Rent an apartment for himself, at least he'll get to keep his arsehole intact.

Xterminator

I'd guess if he setup a facebook page to raise cash for ISIS ... he'd be getting regular meals in a flash

silverharp

might be something to do when you are eighty , consider it the last thing on your bucket list, second last being rob a bank, cheaper than a nursing home and hopefully don't make it on the list of whatever the Irish equivalent of a bubba is.

gramar

For a victimless crime a bit of blasphemy should do the trick.

Outlaw Pete

Well, you could say you woke up and they were in your house, in your bed and you don't remember anything.

That would see them get a few years if they admitted something you forgot happened.

No real victim and they / you get the end result you want.

Logo

All I'm hearing is grindr (whatever that is); bombmaker guide book; someone who assumes that he's straight; another guy recommending a bank robbery.

Logo

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

Well, you could say you woke up and they were in your house, in your bed and you don't remember anything.

That would see them get a few years if they admitted something you forgot happened.

No real victim and they / you get the end result you want.

What's the crime? I often wake up wondering stuff like that..

Kevwoody

If only there was a law against trolling and starting bullsh1t threads, you (sorry he) would be sorted.

skankkuvhima

Logo wrote: »

All I'm hearing is grindr (whatever that is); bombmaker guide book; someone who assumes that he's straight; another guy recommending a bank robbery.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Outlaw Pete

Logo wrote: »

What's the crime? I often wake up wondering stuff like that..

Eh, breaking and entering and burglary... you decide which one is the innuendo, either works fine.

Logo

Logo wrote: »

For a person who can't afford a mortgage and doesn't have many friends. What is the least offensive crime that would require long-term imprisonment? Just asking for a friend who can't afford a mortgage, no house or family. He just needs a few meals a day. Maybe some TV. A gym would be a plus. Also company would be good. Hot water on tap would be a plus. Would he have to commit murder or would a burglary be acceptable? He does realise that he would have to give up his liberty.[/QUOTE
Believe it or not but I'm not trolling! I'm just looking for an honest answer. I've seen too many honest guys having a hard life while others behind bars appear to flourish. So I'm just wondering what's the ideal crime that can get someone behind bars without injury to anyone else?

skankkuvhima

Logo wrote: »

Believe it or not but I'm not trolling! I'm just looking for an honest answer. I've seen too many honest guys having a hard life while others behind bars appear to flourish. So I'm just wondering what's the ideal crime that can get someone behind bars without injury to anyone else?

vat

sbsquarepants

Logo wrote: »

For a person who can't afford a mortgage and doesn't have many friends. What is the least offensive crime that would require long-term imprisonment? Just asking for a friend who can't afford a mortgage, no house or family. He just needs a few meals a day. Maybe some TV. A gym would be a plus. Also company would be good. Hot water on tap would be a plus. Would he have to commit murder or would a burglary be acceptable? He does realise that he would have to give up his liberty.

What your "friend" needs is a fat chick.
They'll take him in, feed him, house him and so on, all he needs to is.......nah fúck it - tell him a killing spree is his way out:D

Ken.

Ok skankkuvhima. We get it.

skankkuvhima

Barbie! wrote: »

Ok skankkuvhima. We get it.

Boards.ie really has gone to ****

Ash.J.Williams

Logo wrote: »

For a person who can't afford a mortgage and doesn't have many friends. What is the least offensive crime that would require long-term imprisonment? Just asking for a friend who can't afford a mortgage, no house or family. He just needs a few meals a day. Maybe some TV. A gym would be a plus. Also company would be good. Hot water on tap would be a plus. Would he have to commit murder or would a burglary be acceptable? He does realise that he would have to give up his liberty.

simple......stop paying tax...fastest way to jail I reckon and no early release or mitigating circumstances either!!

Logo

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

simple......stop paying tax...fastest way to jail I reckon and no early release or mitigating circumstances either!!

How does a PAYE worker stop paying tax?

Your Face

Stand beside Joan Burtons car for a bit.

One eyed Jack

Logo wrote: »

Believe it or not but I'm not trolling! I'm just looking for an honest answer. I've seen too many honest guys having a hard life while others behind bars appear to flourish. So I'm just wondering what's the ideal crime that can get someone behind bars without injury to anyone else?

There isn't one.

If your friend wants a quiet life where he's free from all adult responsibility, there are easier places to achieve that than trying to get sent to prison. If prison actually were so cushy, every homeless person would be trying to get in there.

I don't think anyone assumed your friend was straight or gay either (it's irrelevant), they're simply pointing out the obvious.

Logo

One eyed Jack wrote: »

There isn't one.

If prison actually were so cushy, every homeless person would be trying to get in there.

Never expected that prison life was crusy - just maybe a bit better than what's here and have been for a good few years.

Supercell

Hold up a large sign on O'Connell Street in Dublin saying Muhammad was a pedophile and rant about it on a megaphone.
Would be a pretty good test of the blasphemy law as the guards definitely can't say people were not offended.

Gravelly

Supercell wrote: »

Hold up a large sign on O'Connell Street in Dublin saying Muhammad was a pedophile and rant about it on a megaphone.
Would be a pretty good test of the blasphemy law as the guards definitely can't say people were not offended.

He said he wanted jail time, not death.

Logo

skankkuvhima wrote: »

Boards.ie really has gone to ****

I'm only posting an honest question skankkuvhima. Maybe boards.ie has gone to ***** for you but perhaps it's day to day existence for others. If this isn't an issue that concerns you today then maybe it's best not to reply

MichaelR

Isn't there a "membership of an unlawful organization" crime, which does not require one to actually handle a gun (let alone hurt anyone) before you're a criminal? And then he could demand a jury trial, which removes the option of a fine. http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/eli/1939/act/13/section/21/enacted/en/html

It is typically applied to members of various organizations styling themselves the IRA. And he would get company good at belting out Wolfe Tones songs.

EDIT: another option might be to join the real Oglaigh na hEireann, the Armed Forces. He gets quarters too, but also good exercise and a chance to ttavel the world for free. And the chance of death is very small - we're not talking of the U.S. Army here.

Logo

MichaelR wrote: »

Isn't there a "membership of an unlawful organization" crime, which does not require one to actually handle a gun (let alone hurt anyone) before you're a criminal? And then he could demand a jury trial, which removes the option of a fine. http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/eli/1939/act/13/section/21/enacted/en/html

It is typically applied to members of various organizations styling themselves the IRA. And he would get company good at belting out Wolfe Tones song.

Thanks for that. Was thinking of the relatively easy life that Ian Brady et al are awarded. Other less criminal appear to sometimes get a more lengthy sentence.

please helpThank YOU

Not paying your Water bill . getting a sledge Hammer! and smash up your water meter property belonging to billionaire Denis o Brien in your Home/House/Property. in Ireland you would get big jail for that crime.

MichaelR

I sure hope he's not going to murder anyone!

If he just wants a few weeks in prison, a safe option might be to invade the airfield in Shannon Airport when a US military plane is there. Margaretta D'Arcy, an old woman, got three months for that but I think she got out early. They'd possibly hand out a bit more to a middle-aged man. Make sure to have a big poster about NATO wars and nothing resembling weapons, so the guards don't shoot.

Logo

MichaelR wrote: »

I sure hope he's not going to murder anyone!

If he just wants a few weeks in prison....

No I'm talking about a man in his fifties - the guy who doesn't have family connections and is generally invisible to the public...

Donald Trump

Why do a small thing?

If getting caught is preferable to what he has now, why not do something that is very risky, but that if it worked he would make a lot of money. Then his "worst case scenario" of getting caught and imprisoned is actually what he wants now. And if it does work ...... profit.

Plus, if he does something mental, he'll probably get more respect from other inmates

Donald Trump

Why a prison?
Get himself into the mental hospitals. Go into the copshop and start pissing all over the counter. Shout at the Guards "I know what yiz are up to ya shape-shifting lizard-people space-alien cunts. Take me to your leader"

Probably more craic in the nuthouse