How to deal with sexist friends?

dat one kid

So, I dunno if this thread includes friendships but I'll just put this up here anyway.
So, a little background on the situation. I hang out with a group of boys. All of them are nice and really easy to get along with, but one of them is extremely sexist. There’re other girls in our group, but two of them go to a different school and the others don’t hang around us as often, so I’m usually the only girl.
He always purpously makes sexist comments and jokes. For example, once he said “The lucky babies turn into boys in the womb, the other unlucky ones stay as girls.” and “(My name) can be the sex slave.”. There’re also times when he says a joke like “Someone should go on X Factor and sing this.” as a ****ty little funny joke. I’ll go along with it saying I’ll do it but then he says “No, a boy has to do it.”.
The examples above are only a small sample of what he does. He always makes these comments only when I’m around, which I’m guessing he’s trying to make them affect me. And they are. He's in the second highest class, I'm two classes below. He's gotten in trouble for saying sexist comments to another one of my friends but he was able to make up an excuse to prove himself innocent and cover himself up, and that's probably what he'll do if I tell the teachers.
Please do not tell me to not hang out with them, becasue basically every one of my friends are in that group and it's hard for me to make new friends. He hangs out with us because a few of the people in our group are friends with him.
What should I do?

baby and crumble

OP, I'm guessing you're young enough (given that you're still in school, and if my maths are right, he's in 5th year and you're 2 years below, in 3rd?)?

If so, a couple of things.

1) Teenaged boys think they're hilarious. Usually they aren't. He's trying to get a rise out of you. Don't let him.

2) Sexism is insidious in our society, and my recommendation is to call him on it. I know that's going to be tricky, and you might not feel comfortable doing it. A good way I find is when someone tells a "joke" like the ones you describe, don't laugh, and ask him to explain the joke, and why it's funny. I use this trick when people make racist or homophobic or whatever comments around me, and it usually works.

3) The "sex slave" comment REALLY needs knocking on the head, though. That's quite scary stuff, even though it seems like a laugh or whatever. Again, ask him does he know what a sex slave actually is. For those kind of comments I would recommend going to a teacher or someone older who can talk to him about it.

dat one kid

1. We're both in 8th grade (We're 13). He's just two classes above me.
2. He knows exactly what he's talking about and what a sex slave is. He always relies on sexist and racist comments for humor, although no one really ever laughs at his jokes. He's been talked to by teachers about his comments but he still does it, he just finds a new victim.
Whenever he makes one of these jokes, I never show him a reaction. But it still eats it's way through me. It usually takes a few sexist remarks over a preiod of time until it actually gets a hit in on me. Thank you for your advice though

dat one kid

1. We're both in 8th grade (We're 13). He's just two classes above me.
2. He knows exactly what he's talking about and what a sex slave is. He always relies on sexist and racist comments for humor, although no one really ever laughs at his jokes. He's been talked to by teachers about his comments but he still does it, he just finds a new victim.
Whenever he makes one of these jokes, I never show him a reaction. But it still eats it's way through me. It usually takes a few sexist remarks over a preiod of time until it actually gets a hit in on me. Thank you for your advice though

silverharp

I guess it depends what kind of person he is , is he nasty about it where he really has a problem with girls, or is he just trying to get a rise out of you? in either case don't let it affect you or take it personally.

GingerLily

If he makes a sexist joke and nobody laughs I think you should highlight that. He'll be much more embarrassed about being shown up for not being funny then if you challenged on his sexist behaviour.

It's a pity you can't make friends that have higher standards

Big Bag of Chips

He's a 13 year old idiot. That's all you need to know. Boys in general tend to mature later than girls.

Don't engage with him. You can hang around in a group with him without ever actually talking to him or interacting with him. I've done it when my friends had a friend I didn't particularly like, around the same age. When there's a group of people its actually easy enough to avoid 1. You'll still have to listen to him and hear him, but you don't ever have to actually have a conversation with him. If he says hello, say hi and move on or turn to talk to someone else. If he asks you a question give short yes, no, maybe, I see, answers and don't elaborate or invite conversation by saying more.

He's an idiot. He's 13. He hasn't a clue.

Jurgen Klopp

He's 13, it's more likely the sex slave comment is in the pornographic sense like BDSM or something he's seen online, makes more sense rather than panic mode that he's a fan of human trafficking FFS, talk about hysteria

baby and crumble

Jurgen Klopp wrote: »

He's 13, it's more likely the sex slave comment is in the pornographic sense like BDSM or something he's seen online, makes more sense rather than panic mode that he's a fan of human trafficking FFS, talk about hysteria

Yeah but if those kinda comments aren't confronted it could escalate. You're most likely right but ffs he's 13. Like that's mad stuff to be looking at/ thinking about at 13.

woodchuck

baby and crumble wrote: »

Yeah but if those kinda comments aren't confronted it could escalate. You're most likely right but ffs he's 13. Like that's mad stuff to be looking at/ thinking about at 13.

Well with the way things are openly portrayed in the media, it would be impossible for a 13 year old to be blind to it. Just look a trailer for 50 shades of grey! These movies/books have been completely normalised by society, so I don't think the 13 year old is to blame here. It's really up to the parents to intervene though if necessary.

OP he's just an idiot of a 13 year old boy. I think you need to take on some of the advice here and try to ignore him. Easier said than done I know, but there is some good advice here to dismiss his remarks when he gets started. He's only looking for a reaction, so don't give him one!

professore

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

He's a 13 year old idiot. That's all you need to know. Boys in general tend to mature later than girls.

Don't engage with him. You can hang around in a group with him without ever actually talking to him or interacting with him. I've done it when my friends had a friend I didn't particularly like, around the same age. When there's a group of people its actually easy enough to avoid 1. You'll still have to listen to him and hear him, but you don't ever have to actually have a conversation with him. If he says hello, say hi and move on or turn to talk to someone else. If he asks you a question give short yes, no, maybe, I see, answers and don't elaborate or invite conversation by saying more.

He's an idiot. He's 13. He hasn't a clue.

<mod snip> He knows what he is doing. Making excuses for him is just encouraging him. <mod snip>

Otherwise good advice.

For the record, I think that a racist or sexist joke can actually be funny, if done in the right context, with no harm intended, but the stuff he is saying is neither of these.

Tokyo

Mod:

professore - rein it in. Considering the fact that the OP is a 13 year old teenager, your response is well across the line in terms of what is acceptable here.