Physical aches after break up

Rolf12

My ex gf broke up with me at the end of January. For 3 months we met on and off trying to fix things that went wrong in our relationship, she was very emotional and cried a lot when we got together saying she missed me etc, it seemed like we were on the right track at times but it was very hard for us and especially me to act the same as we were not going out and she was keeping our meet ups as a secret to everyone

We agreed to no contact five weeks ago, this is after a month of her feeding me breadcrumbs. I wasn't eating or sleeping. After agreeing to no contact she contacted me twice in the first week to which I ignored as that was the agreement. I eventually text her stating I didn't contact because of our agreement and she gel annoyed with me. Angry over things that happened in our relationship. She then blocked me on texting apps, and her cousin who I was very friendly with deleted me off social media. This was a week and a half ago

Since, I've been getting awful aches on the back of my neck, back and shoulders. It feels like the break up only started 4 or 5 weeks ago instead of 4 months ago because of our contact up to then. This morning I stayed in bed till .1pm, zapped of energy and motivation. My gym workouts have been non existent the last 6 weeks too. Showers help the physical pain temporarily, but they come back. It worries me. It seems like anxiety from her blocking me on texting apps as it firmly closes the door. My hope is gone,even though it was evaporating quickly anyway

Additionally, she bumped into my mother two days ago accidently in a shop, they spoke for two mins, and her first mention was of the death of my aunt last week which surprised me that came to her mind first. I received no message of condolence. Coincidently I bumped into her father last week for a minute at a soccer match and spoke like normal. Maybe the combination of all these things have enhanced the aches I feel. I'm hoping they go away. I'm thinking a lot about her the last few days after not thinking of her for a few weeks.

leggo

Have you posted about this girl before? Just wondering to get perspective before I advise.

Rolf12

leggo wrote: »

Have you posted about this girl before? Just wondering to get perspective before I advise.

Yes I have I will find the thread. Standing back from it all I can see no future with her, as much as I still have feelings, I don't think we are compatible, and am resigned to it, I'm not going to fool myself anymore. it's the physical sores that I am having that are bothering me, are these part of a break up? I probably thought I'd be getting over it a bit better now with the few weeks NC

rodge68

Probably Stress...

Sephiroth_dude

Rolf12 wrote: »

Yes I have I will find the thread. Standing back from it all I can see no future with her, as much as I still have feelings, I don't think we are compatible, and am resigned to it, I'm not going to fool myself anymore. it's the physical sores that I am having that are bothering me, are these part of a break up? I probably thought I'd be getting over it a bit better now with the few weeks NC

Do yourself a favour if you haven't already and block this wreck head.

Vicxas

Sounds like tension and stress, do yourself a favour and please try not to dwell on her.

LegacyUser

Honestly....get a massage.Pain in the back, neck etc is a classic symptom of stress.You are probably holding yourself quite tensely without even knowing it.Also you could be thrashing around a bit in your sleep without knowing amd causing yourself to pull muscles.
First thing I would do is go book a massage, maybe with a physio if you could manage it and see can you work that pain of your body for now.Being in constant pain is totally exhausting too, and it won't be helping your energy levels.

Sephiroth_dude

Get yourself a new work out program and get yourself back into the gym .

Ursus Horribilis

I remember your other thread and how incredibly cut up you were over the break up. Are you still getting professional help? You mentioned you had been over the control issues you'd had at the time. Perhaps you need to talk to your therapist again over this? There's something about the way you've been writing that makes me feel you need more than the usual keep busy/hit the gym/see your friends advice.

Rolf12

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I remember your other thread and how incredibly cut up you were over the break up. Are you still getting professional help? You mentioned you had been over the control issues you'd had at the time. Perhaps you need to talk to your therapist again over this? There's something about the way you've been writing that makes me feel you need more than the usual keep busy/hit the gym/see your friends advice.

The professional help stopped about 6 weeks ago but I was planning on returning this week, as I thought I was over the worst as did my counsellor. The physical symptoms show I'm not over it.

The first 3 months took a lot out of me, I suppose I was kept on a string, as it was all built up on hope which eventually came to nothing with her. And her dramatic change in recent weeks has kept everything fresh and has bothered me as everything was civil till I stopped contacting her.

I have sat down with myself and thought logically and believe there was too much going on too soon for it to work. I understand that now. I'm not hopeful of getting back with her nor do I want to now, yet I do miss her. I accept we were very different.

I thought by now I'd be coming into my own, and being happier, yet I broke down yesterday for the first time in weeks and months.
I am also planning on getting acupuncture to hopefully relieve the tension in my body.

Rolf12

I have organised a session with my counsellor tonight, hopefully it'll be a step towards helping the issue.

Rolf12

I must add in the last 6 weeks I've been unfortunate to have lost my job with another co worker, for two months time (due to the sector I work in nothing could be done), have unexpectedly had to move apartment abruptly due to landlord deciding to sell, which caused a lost of upheaval - rushing to find another apartment withing distance of work and moving in a short period etc. My car also broke down last week had to be towed etc and cost a bit to get fixed. My sister who I'm very close to also is moving with her family abroad to work for 3 years, this was granted last week, and I would miss their company.

Perhaps it's a combination of all these things that have made me feel low and the pain and of course the freshness of the break up. There has been a lot of change and uncertainty in the last 6 weeks. Some of these things wouldn't happen in a year let alone this short period.

LegacyUser

I remember your last thread OP and I did respond telling you she was basically messing your around.

There is a saying that I hate hearing but have found to be true, when it rains, it pours. It's happened me a lot the last few years. So while things look bleak now, you have to push on through this. Do you swim? Swimming might be good for your aches, book yourself a massage!

I made myself physically unwell after a breakup, I have psoriasis and it became out of control because of what I was thinking in my head. I continuously allowed my ex back into my life time and time again and I became really unwell. Panic attacks, couldn't eat, couldn't keep etc. You have to seriously realise that cutting contact is the only way forward, she may have blocked you but she could unblock you and try contact you again. If she does this, which I think she will, you have the upper hand. Block her and move forward. It is so hard OP and I never thought I could do it, but I did and I'm all the more tough now!

Taking care of yourself is your number one priority now. Not her!

Wulfie

You're probably spending too much time huddled over a keyboard.

Maximus Alexander

I went through a very tough breakup in my early 20s where we had been together nearly 5 years and shared a lot of friends. I was in an absolute state for a good while over it and it was made worse by the fact that she kept trying to make contact, and I was always at risk of ending up in her company when making plans with friends. I ended up stressed, depressed, and cutting myself off from social situations. It was really tough; probably the toughest period of my life, so I can empathise.

I can only tell you how I dealt with it and hope that it is of some help to you. Firstly, I accepted that it was over and I made it clear to her that there was to be no more contact between us. I told her that she wasn't to call or message me anymore and that there was no possibility that we would be friends. I made sure my / our friends new what the situation was too. I know it was awkward for them to be caught in the middle, but friends are great because they can take a bit of that burden for you in the tough times. This part might not apply to you, but it meant that I didn't have to be socially reclusive anymore because friends would sort of split their time between us.

After that, I made the decision to carry on living as though I wasn't torn in two. I made sure to get out of the house, meet with people, be social, get exercise. At first it took a mammoth effort, but then it gradually got easier. Then I realised I was having fun again sometimes. Then suddenly I was becoming interested in other women. Eventually, I rarely thought about her at all: then never.

After a while, things relaxed and we'd end up together socially sometimes. At first it was like a dagger when I'd see her, later it was uncomfortable, and finally I felt nothing at all.

It's a cliche that time is a healer; but it's also true. I suppose the essence of my advice is that you can speed up the process by taking control. Make some concrete decisions. It's over with her: decide that. You decide that. Then turn your focus to rebuilding yourself and your self-esteem. You've a new life now, the one you had been living is over.

Years later, I don't regret a second of those bad times because they all led me to where I am now and I love my life.

tara73

real physical pain over stress, emotional upheaval as breakups is quite common and will go away when you feel better and are more stable again.

I feel for you OP with all you went through during the last weeks. That's a lot you have there and no wonder your body is expressing the pain from this stress.

Now I really hope for you you will find the strength to not be emotionally involved with this woman soon. she's still wrecking your head. but I'm sure you'll get over her, it just takes time.

MHickman

I just wanted to add that your ex is being quite cruel to keep popping up - whether she means to or not the result is the same. Maybe she's struggling with the breakup too...because breakups are often hard. However the point of breaking up is that it's broken....and her dipping her toe in every so often is preventing you from healing.

I broke up with the guy I thought was the love of my life (until my husband came along :P) and we were both heartbroken, partly in love and partly so different we drove each other crazy. I accepted that by doing that I had to let him move on - that was the deal. Beyond the initial breakup formalities of giving stuff back etc. I never once contacted him/saw him from that day to this. Our breakup was messy and emotional and I never wanted to hold him back from meeting someone who made him happy by hanging around in the background. For whatever reason your ex won't extend you that courtesy.

The aches may be stress or may be something else minor. Maybe see your GP if they're worrying you. Outside of that you will meet someone else and you will be happy again without the ex....promise